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Clips from South Park - Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut (S02E02)

"Listen, we did what we had to in there."
South Park
"I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts. Anybody else want some?"
South Park
"I can finally reveal who the father of Eric Cartman is."
South Park
"First, I want to thank Kenny McCormick for sacrificing-"
South Park
"- Tell us, already! - All right."
South Park
"The father of Eric Cartman is-"
South Park
"As I said before, the father is somebody in this room."
South Park
"...Mrs. Cartman."
South Park
"- What? - Yes, it's true."
South Park
"You see, Mrs. Cartman is a hermaphrodite."
South Park
"Meaning that she has both male and female genitals."
South Park
"It's true."
South Park
"...she was a he?"
South Park
"...means that she is his father..."
South Park
"...and she got a woman pregnant at the Drunken Barn Dance."
South Park
"Man, this is f**king weak."
South Park
"You're a fat-ass, and your mom's a "hermaphalite.""
South Park
"Wow. You think so, Mom?"
South Park
"- That's that. Thank you all for playing. - Wait a minute."
South Park
"Is it Mrs. Crabtree? Sheila Broflovski? The Mayor?"
South Park
"- That sounded like a gunshot. - Oh, my God! Look!"
South Park
"- You've got to be kidding me! - Come on, children."
South Park
"We can't even leave our homes for fear of our children's safety!"
South Park
"America's Most Wanted is not about violence, it's about family."
South Park
"- It is? - Well, in that case, I guess it's okay."
South Park
"...but I don't feel like I can raise a child in this screwy world."
South Park
"Really?"
South Park
"- Stan! - Some people have a weak stomach."
South Park
"Call the Mr. Garrison auditions."
South Park
"Oh, dear."
South Park
"...in hopes your calls can help solve the case."
South Park
"Don't you see, governor? I should have a right to have an abortion if I want."
South Park
"Well, I don't know. I might need some more convincing."
South Park
"We're not going anywhere for a long time."
South Park
"My God, this is the worst storm I've ever seen."
South Park
"That's the law of land."
South Park
"We all had a big breakfast. Can't you go without eating for a while?"
South Park
"I need you to be strong. Nurse Goodly will take care of the anesthesia."
South Park
"- You barfed into the incision! - Sweet!"
South Park
"Team B, your goal will be to turn on the backup generator."
South Park
"Team A will go to the holding area where there is a television and cocoa."
South Park
"We're all going to die in this horrible place."
South Park
"- How could we live with ourselves? - There's only one answer. Eat Eric Roberts!"
South Park
"God wants you to live. Fight."
South Park
"Once these lights flicker out, the patients on life support will die."
South Park
"- Where am I? - You're at the hospital, Mr. Mephisto."
South Park
"One day at a time, Mayor. One day at a time."
South Park
"No, that doesn't make sense."
South Park
"Hermaphrodites cannot bear children, so Mrs. Cartman's DNA match with Eric..."
South Park
"I'm sorry I never told you, Eric. I just thought it would be a little shocking."
South Park
"Who is Eric Cartman's mother?"
South Park
"Forget it!"
South Park
"Who is Eric Cartman's father?"
South Park
"- Hey, what the hell's going on? - It's a power outage."
South Park
"Where are our children?"
South Park
"- Come on, we gotta find a doctor. - I can't do it."
South Park
"- For now, it's me and Nurse Goodly. - Wait a second, they've closed the pass?"
South Park
"He shouldn't need any help. So long as the power doesn't go out."
South Park
"How can we?"
South Park
"We made it. The power is on, the snow is melting..."
South Park
"Meaning what?"
South Park
"The father is..."
South Park
"- Or was it Mrs. Broflovski? - Wait, he's breathing. He's not dead."
South Park
"Tonight on America's Most Wanted..."
South Park
"We'll have the pregnancy terminated."
South Park
"I didn't mean that. I meant the other thing you can do."
South Park
"I've been shot."
South Park
"The wire connecting the nodes is gone. We need to complete the circuit."
South Park
"At what cost?"
South Park
"- Terminated? - Yes, that's what an abortion is."
South Park
"God only knows who they'll kill next."
South Park
"Once you reach the top, you will see us through this window watching TV."
South Park
"Now, to continue."
South Park
"If you want to change the law you'll have to speak with your congressman."
South Park
"- Hospitals aren't that bad. - Yeah, stop being a wuss."
South Park
"- Whoa, she doesn't have arms. - We're an equal opportunity employer."
South Park
"Bang! Jiminy, I've been shot."
South Park
"No way. I can't stand to leave things unfinished."
South Park
"I hope you all realize what we might be facing."
South Park
"- Wait. Where the hell is the short one? - The short what?"
South Park
"Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef and Nurse Goodly."
South Park
"By that time, Team B- That's you, Kenny..."
South Park
"Eat Eric Roberts!"
South Park
"Well, there's no going back now. We're cannibals. God save us."
South Park
"My God, what a harrowing tale of human drama this is!"
South Park
"Why didn't you say so? Put on scrubs! Boys, I'm making you honorary doctors."
South Park
"There's a murderer in South Park! We have to find who it is before they kill again!"
South Park
"- Wasn't that just the funniest-? - Tell me who my father is!"
South Park
"What are we gonna do, Mayor? A killer is on the loose."
South Park
"Suction!"
South Park
"- Do you think if we hit him, he'd shatter? - Let's find out!"
South Park
"I'm the director from I.A. for America's Most Wanted."
South Park
"Mr. Director-person, what do you want to do?"
South Park
"- Mayor, shouldn't we be focusing-? - We want to do a re-creation for our show."
South Park
"I think you're hitting the bone."
South Park
"I sure hope I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat."
South Park
"You can say that again, Mr. Garrison."
South Park
"So you see, Congressman O'Reilly..."
South Park
"I'm simply a man. A man trying to do my job."
South Park
"- Doctor, I can't focus. - We're doing the best we can."
South Park
"Right away, Mr. Garrison!"
South Park
"Yes, we're critically understaffed. Unless we get help..."
South Park
"His appendix has burst! I have to operate with our limited power."
South Park
"Chef, act as her arms. Boys, help with suction and bandages."
South Park
"- I'll make an incision over the heart. - Oh, boy."
South Park
"There's a nice heated walkway to it, so you don't need to walk through sewage."
South Park
"Look at the pyramids. Nobody knows how they built those, or who."
South Park
"Was it the Babylonians? Officer Barbrady? Samaritans?"
South Park
"Now, is there a wire connecting them?"
South Park
"But how will we live with ourselves now?"
South Park
"- Who's my father? - We have to get him to the hospital."
South Park