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Clips from Parks and Recreation (2009) - Correspondents' Lunch (S05E05)

"It's nice to be here"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"among all of these excellent journalists."
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"Damn it."
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"That was my opener."
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"And I know you all think it's just a useless tabloid,"
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"but it's not."
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"Some people say"
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"that the Sun has a problem with the truth."
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"There's no problem, we just ignore it."
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"Jerry, stop laughing. Those are stolen jokes!"
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"Totally dead."
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"Oh! I just opened up a can of "whoop ass" on myself!"
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"I remember the very first Correspondents' Lunch."
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"I rode here in a horse and buggy."
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"No, no, no, that wasn't a joke."
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"I actually did."
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"That also was not a joke."
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"Ron, Kim told all my jokes, all of them."
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"She must have gotten a copy of my speech."
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"Did anybody lose their copy?"
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"Oh, jeez."
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"Go stand in the corner and think about what you've done."
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"I need new material, and it needs to be great,"
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"and it needs to transcend the genre of roast comedy."
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"- Perkins, go. - Oh, wow."
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"so Councilman Milton is old, right?"
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"So, like, maybe there's something there,"
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"where, like, he went to school"
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"with his high-school buddies that were dinosaurs."
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"And his tie is green."
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"They're green."
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"It's not your fault."
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"You've never had to compensate for anything."
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"The rest of you ugly nerds need to give me some jokes stat."
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"Ben?"
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"Ben?"
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"Yeah, Andy."
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"I think I might have found something that's actually pretty cool."
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"Okay, well, just put it aside, and I'll read it later."
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"No. Andy found it,"
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"and he's gonna tell you about it right now. Go, babe."
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"Uh, it's the Redwood Music Program."
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"- It'll keep them off the street. - Whoa."
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"That's a great idea."
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"Anyone else come across anything good?"
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"Um, yeah."
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"I got a good one."
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"It's called the Clean Sheet Foundation."
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"They provide legal assistance to the KKK."
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"Yeah. Can you pass the bonbons?"
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"Perd Hapley is here today."
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""My name is Perd Hapley,"
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"and the person I see here today... is me.""
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"Do you see what is happening with Chris and Shauna?"
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"They are flirting like crazy."
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"I wanted to ask Chris to be the father of my baby."
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"was planting ficuses in your front yard?"
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"- It's been nice talking to you. - What?"
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""I'm-a Borat." There's one."
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"But I need to do someone that no one has heard before."
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"Like, I don't know, Neve Campbell?"
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"Just keep it short and get the hell out of there."
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"Thank you."
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"Our next guest has asked me to read this."
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"Oh, no. Oh, no, I forgot I did this."
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"Joan, no--"
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""Strap on your adult diapers, everyone."
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""Because you're about to wet yourself from laughter."
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""Whassup," Pawnee?"
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"Um..."
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"Borat."
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"So, uh, I did great."
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"You know what they say. Drama is hard,"
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"and sometimes comedy is not in our wheelhouse."
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"Tom, do you have to run that right now?"
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"These smoothies will just blend themselves!"
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"It's called Rural Ambu-care."
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"They want to buy an ambulance"
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"Ambulances are dumb."
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"What about Andy's music thing?"
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"Well, this is a great service that will help a lot of needy people."
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"Sorry, Andy."
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"Why? No, it's totally fine."
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"I'm happy for them. That's awesome."
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"I'm gonna head out to, uh, the car."
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"It's a little hot in here, a little sweaty."
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"Well, I'm terribly disappointed."
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"But I'm sure the doctors or giraffes"
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"or whatever you decided to help"
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"I'm outtie."
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"Great job, team."
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"What?"
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"he's been really depressed."
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"Picking out a dumb charity is the most excited he's been in weeks."
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"Selfish? I'm running a charity."
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"Oh, it's all about what you're doing, isn't it?"
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"Sorry, forgot the oysters."
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"Great work today."
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"Christopher."
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"It's like you have furry toes."
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"Hilarious."
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"I have a question... for you."
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"It's something very important."
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"What is your... Spirit animal?"
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"Jaguar. Why do you ask?"
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"Well, survey completed."
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"the answer I would have given is... Doggie."
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"Go, Ann."
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"- In front of Perd? - Yes."
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"No more delays. Go."
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"I want to have a baby. Will you be the sperm donor?"
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"it's extremely personal."
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"Think it over. Bye."
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"Leslie, permission to leave the corner."
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"It's a little moist, but it is still here."
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"Well, then how did Kim get the speech?"
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"The Pawnee Sun has been one step ahead of me for months."
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"They knew that Kernston's withdrew its sponsorship of the Commons"
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"just moments after Netflix did."
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"Okay, smashing your phone won't stop hacking."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
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