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Clips from 30 Rock - The Moms (S04E04)

"Um, why was I given this to wear on the show?"
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"Well, I loved your idea that we both wear the same outfit."
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"Mom, this isn't Florida."
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"You're damn right it isn't."
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"You made it?"
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"Holy crap!"
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"Where do I commission one?""
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"Oh, this is about you making money selling junk."
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"'cause you haven't had a job in 15 years."
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"Because of the trampoline accident."
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"But I need to look a certain way on T.V."
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"You know what?"
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"Here's what I think of you and your fancy clothes."
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"Just thought I'd tidy up."
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"Oh, no, dear."
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"A computer is a great, big thing with a green screen."
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"I remember someone who got a three on her history A.P. test."
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"But do I expect too much?"
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"Maybe the moms were right."
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"Maybe I should have just settled."
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"I can't tell you what to do, Liz."
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"But I know from experience that that guy,"
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"See, that's all I want."
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"What you and Dad have."
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"Oh, I'm not talking about your father."
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"Whuck?"
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"What do you mean, you're not talking about Dad?"
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"Of course I do."
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"But Dick Lemon isn't Ed."
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"Ed? Who's Ed?"
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"The night before he was shipped off to Korea,"
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"I repeatedly lost my virginity to him,"
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"while Waldo, the town perv, watched from the bushes."
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"Wait... What?"
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"Nothing, Younger Me."
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"It's fine."
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"But when he was invited to Houston"
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"You could have been an astronaut's wife?"
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"I had just graduated from secretary school,"
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"I couldn't just pick up and move."
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"An old maid."
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"Different times... Octomom."
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"So I settled."
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"For a wonderful man."
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"And I have never regretted it."
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"Your Ed is Buzz Aldrin?"
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"Yeah, but I always called him Ed."
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"Because our town had, like, five Buzzes."
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"You could have married Buzz Aldrin?"
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"You should regret that, Mom."
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"You should have followed him."
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"Laura Linney could have played you"
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"in the H.B.O. original movie Moon Wives!"
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"But Jenna doesn't appreciate it."
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"I see."
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"I mean, I got the meat."
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"Of course."
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"Quit, don't get paid, and drive around with one headlight out,"
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"or swallow your pride and get the money you need tomorrow."
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"So that, uh, nobody would recognize me"
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"You are way beneath me, Novella."
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"for most car accidents in a single year."
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"So, Tracy, you'd better watch yourself,"
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"or you may wind up with no mother at all."
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"Fine, I'd rather be up on that stage all alone"
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"has "Black Judge" on it nine times!"
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"I saved a lot of kids from lame sex!"
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"I am so sorry, Miss Jessup."
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"Mr. s Donaghy keeps tricking me and running away."
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"Carl?"
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"Yes, ma'am."
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"Mrs. Donaghy."
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"Indeed, I am."
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"And Jack has told me so much about you."
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"You're going to have to work your backside."
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"you have the measurements of an altar boy."
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"Especially Jack."
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"Secrets?"
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"if you're serious about Jackie, let him know now."
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"Oh, look at the time."
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"I've got to get back to, uh..."
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"calling Kenneth "Carl" to see if he ever corrects me."
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"Carl!"
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"but I just saw him with his eyes closed,"
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"You want to talk about moms, Jack?"
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"Listen to this."
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"Oh, really?"
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"I know Buzz."
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"annual "Awesome Gentlemen" issue."
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"My mom blew it, Jack."
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"Just because it was inconvenient."
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"you would have never been born."
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"Or I would have been born Peter Aldrin."
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"And I'd wait for a woman with the right stuff."
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"Now, remember, in this scenario, I am a man,"
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"and my father is an astronaut."
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"Well, Lemon, if you'd like to see"
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"I can arrange for you to meet Buzz."
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"He's in town."
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"I thought Verna and I had made this breakthrough."
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"But now, we're just back to fighting"
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"Thank God Terry's dead, or we'd be fighting over him again too."
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"like she cares about you."
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"Yeah, that's true."
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"And she is a good actress."
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"No, Jenna."
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"For good or bad, we're stuck with them."
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"It's true."
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"Sometimes, I sing too beautifully."
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"Is there another woman?"
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"What? How did you..."
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"Colleen."
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"So I'm going to skip the part where I deny anything."
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"Then you skip the part where you yell at me."
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"Look, I assumed you and I were exclusive."
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"So maybe this is partly my fault."
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"I'm sorry, but these tactics have worked on stupider women."
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"If we're going to move forward,"
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"I'm sorry, there wasn't a door, so I just..."
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"because I always break them."
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