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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Classified Materials Turbulence (S02E02)

"Why would he call me?"
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"I'm not answering the phone, Sheldon."
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"- Answer the phone, Leonard. - No."
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"- No. - You have to check your messages."
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"The leaving of a message is one half of a social contract..."
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"...which is completed by the checking of the message."
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"If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down."
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"It must be hell inside your head."
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"At times."
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"Guys, we have a code red."
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"Or the cherry-flavored soft drink from the makers of Mountain Dew?"
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"I was going over the schematics on my Zero-G Toilet..."
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"...and I made a teeny-tiny mistake on the specifications for the diverter valve."
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"It's gonna fail after about ten flushes."
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"- But the mission is for six months. - That's the code red."
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"It's kind of like a jack-in-the-box. No one knows exactly when..."
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"...but at some point, something way worse than a puppet is gonna pop out of that box."
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"Have you notified NASA?"
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"You crazy? What am I gonna say? I screwed up your toilet..."
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"...and pretty soon there's gonna be crap floating all over your nice space station?"
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"I'm gonna figure out how to fix it, then I'll tell them."
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"So, what do you need us for?"
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"You said you were gonna be supportive."
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"I'm trying. But you have to admit, this is pretty damn funny."
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"I agree."
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"It's a juxtaposition of the nature of space exploration..."
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"...against the banality of a malfunctioning toilet that provides the comic fodder here."
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"Check your messages."
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"All right, this is an exact duplicate of the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity..."
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"...Human Waste Disposal System as deployed on the Space Station."
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"It's hilarious. Now."
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"So the waste material avoids the turbine."
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"You mean, so it doesn't hit the fan?"
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"You know, I have to say I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition."
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"Apparently, there is no law of diminishing comedic returns with space poop."
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"- You busy? - Uh--"
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"Classified, Leonard."
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"Yeah, it's a regular Manhattan Project."
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"And we haven't been able to connect by phone--"
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"Yeah, that's broken too. Everything's broken."
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"Anyway, I was just wondering if you had any last-minute advice."
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"...you know, I think the most important thing with Penny is to go really slow."
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"I mean, glacial."
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"...all the time, so you need to, like, set yourself apart, you know?"
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"Be a little shy."
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"And don't make too much eye contact."
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"And, you know, fear."
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"Like you're afraid that if you touch her, she'll break."
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"Well, that plays right into my wheelhouse."
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"Thanks, Leonard."
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"What is that thing anyway?"
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"You don't know what this is?"
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"- No. - Good, get out."
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"Be afraid of Penny. Nice, very crafty."
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"For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain..."
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"All right, what if we use this two-inch PVC to reinforce the center cross-support?"
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"No good. I mean, it might work for the Japanese and the Americans..."
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"...but have you seen the size of the Russians they got up there?"
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"This thing has to hold up against a hearty potato-based diet."
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"I feel terrible."
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"Maybe if you were helping, you'd feel better about yourself."
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"I deliberately tried to sabotage Stuart's date with Penny."
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"Of course you feel terrible. You completely screwed up your karma, dude."
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"It's not superstition, it's practically Newtonian."
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"For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction."
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"Leonard pretends to be a friend, and acts like a two-faced bitch."
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"What if we reposition the collection tank?"
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"...and go live with my cousin and her husband, Avi, in Israel?"
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"That could work."
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"Nothing. We just pulled an all-nighter trying to fix a Zero-Gravity pasta maker."
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"- I'm gonna make a coffee run. Want any? - No. I have coffee."
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"I really don't wanna talk about it."
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"Yeah. Right. Sure."
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"But, you know, the thing is, before you guys went out..."
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"- I spoke to him and l-- - I said I don't wanna talk about it."
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"What goes on is none of your business. So just leave it alone, okay?"
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"If you really want to clean up your karma, go get my freaking latte."
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"Hang on, I think I've got this."
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"You're overestimating the strength of the substructure you're building."
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"- Sheldon, I know what I'm doing. - lf you knew what you were doing..."
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"Howard, wait."
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"Why don't you use this instead of the PVC to keep the filter assembly in place?"
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"Because this is not a spare part from the space station."
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"This is the thing from the pizza box that keeps the lid from touching the cheese."
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"...so a little cardboard in our cheese is no biggie."
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"Oh, an excellent idea. I could certainly use a break."
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"- Me too. - You can go to the comic book store..."
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"...when man can once again safely poop in space."
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"Because he's upset over his situation with Penny."
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"- Thanks for understanding, Howard. - I got your back, sister."
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"All right, I think we've got a prototype ready to test. Hand me that Tupperware."
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"- That's heavy. - Damn right, it's heavy."
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"It's my mother's meatloaf."
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"It's been testing toilets for generations."
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"Okay, simulated zero-gravity human waste disposal test with meatloaf analog."
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"In three, two, one."
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"Fascinating."
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"What do you think the problem is?"
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"I think I gave you some bad advice about Penny and I want to apologize."
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"- It was? - Oh, yeah, going slow really worked."
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"You're kidding."
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"Never worked for me."
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"Yeah, last night at dinner I did what you told me."
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"I went really slow, I kept my distance..."
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"...and two bottles of wine later, we were making out in my car."
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"Wine? I didn't say to give her wine."
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"It doesn't matter. That's where it all went to hell."
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"What did you do, sneeze in her mouth? I did that to a girl once."
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"No, everything was good and really hot."
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"And I said, oh, Penny..."
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"...and right where she was supposed to say, "Oh, Stuart" she said..."
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"Wow, I'm sorry."
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"That must've been the last thing you wanted to hear."
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"Yeah, how about that?"
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"- See you soon. - Yep, sure."
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"Yes, I understand. Classified. We'll keep it all classified."
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"What's classified?"
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"Well, they've deployed our solution. Let's just all hope it works."
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"I don't see why I have to worry."
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"My career's not hanging in the balance."
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