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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Special Section (S03E03)

"Let me explain, please. When the shammas examined her,"
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"on the..."
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"Tattoo? My mother had a tattoo?"
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"Yes, sir. It's on the right cheek"
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"of her right buttock if you will."
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"On her right buttock, yes, sir. Now..."
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"So what if she did have a tattoo, so what?"
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"According to Leviticus, "You shall not make any gashes"
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"In other words, to adorn oneself in such a manner,"
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"was found by Maimonides... many, many, years ago, of course..."
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"to be an offense"
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"which would disqualify such a person"
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"from burial in consecrated ground."
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"Okay."
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"Look, I wasn't here. I should've been here."
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"I wasn't called. My father for some reason didn't call me."
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"- Your dad was here. - If I was here,"
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"this never would've happened. Sir, I'm here now"
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"and I'd like to rectify this. I'd like to get her"
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"where she's supposed to be, where we paid for her plot."
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"Now, if there was some youthful indiscretion,"
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"hardly believe my ears when you even tell me this..."
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"but okay, say she does have this tattoo over there."
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"You know... so come on."
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"The law is the law."
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"All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what can I do?"
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"What are we gonna do about this "special section" thing?"
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"- We can't keep her there. - This is ridiculous."
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"Well, that's true, I don't understand this."
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"But they have this special section."
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"- I agree with you totally. - Never heard of anything so insane."
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"I have heard of it."
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"She would be sick to her stomach if she knew."
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"Bottom line is, she'd be sick to her stomach."
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"When did she get this tattoo?"
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"The tattoo? We were just married."
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"We walked down the boardwalk over there."
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"She saw a tattoo parlor. She said, "Hey, let's do it.""
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"With our names."
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"That was an epic... words of love."
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"A real show of love."
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"I can't imagine my parents making love."
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"I can't imagine you making love."
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"Wow! Well, that looks good."
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"- Well, thank you. - Thank you very much."
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"- Thank you, honey. - So what's for dinner?"
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"Turkey."
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"No, I had turkey for lunch."
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"Oh, well..."
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"It's all right, it's okay."
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"I'm gonna go check on that turkey."
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"- I'll take whatever you have. - Thank you, Ned."
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"Bad call, huh? Having turkey for lunch?"
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"You doubled up."
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"You can't order Chinese food in LA.?"
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"There's no good Chinese food in LA."
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"Right, 'cause all the good Chinese cooks went to New York."
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"couldn't send one good chef to Los Angeles."
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"How can you possibly be arguing"
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"the quality of good Chinese food in LA. versus New York?"
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"All right, fine."
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"You know what? come here, come here."
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"All right, here's my idea, okay?"
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"I want to get... I want to move her body."
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"I want to move the body to where it's supposed to be,"
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"because Mom would not want to be there."
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"It's not right. I feel terrible about it."
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"And..."
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"How do you move... how do we move her?"
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"I'm gonna try and pay off the gravedigger is what I'm gonna do."
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"I think it sounds fantastic."
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"but pay off the gravedigger, that's all I have to do."
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"You think you can get this man to dig it up?"
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"I got to tell you, we tried everything we could."
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"We talked to these people. They would have none of it."
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"- Honest to God, I think it's a great... - I think it's terrible."
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"- Shh... quiet, quiet. - All right."
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"- We'll do it. - I think it's a great idea."
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""Ji ya, ji ya, ji ya...""
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"What's the matter, huh?"
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"I'm meditating."
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"Oh, my God. You're kidding."
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"No, I'm getting into this and it's starting to work."
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"I just forgot to turn the phone off. I'm just pissed off."
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"Oh, I'm sorry. Actually, that's kind of what I'm calling about."
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"- About what? - I was calling about the mantra."
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"I'm calling to see... maybe I could get it back."
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"Get it back? What is that? You gave it to me?"
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"I changed my mind. I'd like to get it back."
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"You can't be an East Indian-giver."
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"Well, I had it first, kind of, you know."
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"You did, but you let me have it."
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"Now it's part of my whole being."
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"My essence screams of this mantra."
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"And it's been working, and l..."
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"- Really Larry, it's not fair. - What about splitting it with me?"
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"Splitting it? What is this, a timeshare in the Hamptons?"
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"- You don't split a mantra. - Who says you can't split a mantra?"
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"- Why can't you? - It strikes me as being a tad..."
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"homosexual."
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"- Get out. It's not a gay thing. - I mean, we're not homosexual."
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"I know, but I'm really having a difficult time giving it back."
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"I mean, you did a nice turn and you know,"
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"It's just that, you know, my mother just died."
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
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"- All right, fine. - Yeah?"
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"Don't even think twice about it, all right?"
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"- Great, so we'll split it. - Yeah okay, no problem."
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"- Fantastic. - All right, man. Bye."
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"Who's that?"
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"- He's good. - Yeah?"
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"- I am exhausted. - Oh, okay."
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"Good night? Really, good night?"
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"- What are you doing? - What am I doing?"
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"No, no, please. Honey, I just showered."
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"What? So what? that's good for me."
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"- What? Why not? - I'm very tired."
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"what with my mother and all."
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"I didn't even have a chance to say good-bye."
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"Hey!"
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