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Clips from Magnum, P.I. - No Need to Know (S01E01)

"Hello? [ Mumbling ] Hello."
Magnum, P.I.
"Are you all right? You sound like my dog that time she got hit by the pineapple truck."
Magnum, P.I.
"Yeah. No."
Magnum, P.I.
"Who is this? What do you mean, ""Who is this?''"
Magnum, P.I.
"How many people do you know that had a dog that was hit by a pineapple truck?"
Magnum, P.I.
"- Come on. Get up. It's almost noon. - [ Groans ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"Throw some water on it and shake your tail. I got some business for you."
Magnum, P.I.
"Okay. Tell you what. just take their number, and I'll call 'em later, all right?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Stop with the plea bargaining, okay? I got a bar bill here with your name on it that reads like a Swiss bank account number."
Magnum, P.I.
"Okay. Look. I tell you what."
Magnum, P.I.
"You just give me a couple of minutes to wake up, [ Both Laughing ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"and I'll go take a couple of laps, okay?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Forget the laps and backstroke your way over here, okay?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Rick, there's one thing you've got to learn."
Magnum, P.I.
"The human body is very important. I will see you after my dip."
Magnum, P.I.
"A while, okay? A while."
Magnum, P.I.
"A while."
Magnum, P.I.
"Whoo. That creep still there?"
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Camera Clicking ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Scoffs ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Clicking Continues ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"I hate these cretins who think a suntan and a hairy chest makes them superstud."
Magnum, P.I.
"Hi. Hi."
Magnum, P.I.
"Hi. My shift in the bedroom, Magnum?"
Magnum, P.I.
"I'll catch up with you."
Magnum, P.I.
"How's your swim? Good."
Magnum, P.I.
"I still can't believe you're a real live detective. Your life must be a thrill a minute."
Magnum, P.I.
"Like this morning. If they'd grabbed me like that, I-- I would've been scared to death."
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh, well, you learn to handle those things in due course."
Magnum, P.I.
"Yeah. I'd love a chance to see what you do in action. [ Chuckles ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"I don't whip off my glasses and run into the phone booth, if that's what you mean."
Magnum, P.I.
"Not if it's a pay phone, anyway."
Magnum, P.I.
"Higgins, that is my camera. It's Robin's camera, not yours."
Magnum, P.I.
"But he left it in my care. I am responsible for it."
Magnum, P.I.
"Ahoy there! Ahoy there!"
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Giggles ] ""Ahoy there.'' That's very good."
Magnum, P.I.
"You are sailing a restricted area. I repeat: a restricted area."
Magnum, P.I.
"This is a private beach, and you are trespassing."
Magnum, P.I.
"Higgins, you developed my film. These pictures are evidence in a divor--"
Magnum, P.I.
"in a case I'm working on-- and confidential."
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh, is that what they call those kinds of pictures now? It's called personal property,"
Magnum, P.I.
"and I'd appreciate it if you'd tell your yo-yos to keep their hands off it from now on."
Magnum, P.I.
"If you wish to put yourself up off the grounds until they leave--"
Magnum, P.I.
"No, I didn't think so."
Magnum, P.I.
"Well, as long as you're remaining with us, you're invited to dinner this evening at the main house. I am?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Brigadier General Alistair Folkes has graciously invited all of Robert Masters's guests to dine with him tonight."
Magnum, P.I.
"That, quite amazingly, includes you."
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh, and we dress for dinner, Magnum. That means a white dinner jacket and tie, of course."
Magnum, P.I.
"Of course."
Magnum, P.I.
"Of course."
Magnum, P.I.
"Smile, Brigadier. It'll look good on your obituary."
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Clicking ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Chattering ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"Is that a new song, Reri?"
Magnum, P.I.
"just tuning up, Rick. [ Giggles ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"Magnum."
Magnum, P.I.
"I thought you said a morning dip. You could've dog-paddled across the English Channel by now."
Magnum, P.I.
"I said I'd be here. I'm here. Is. T.C. around yet? T.C. isn't around,"
Magnum, P.I.
"and there's a guy upstairs in my office waiting since 11:00."
Magnum, P.I.
"I don't know. Let's find out. Hey, Thomas, Rick."
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh. T.C. Hey, nice-lookin' crowd."
Magnum, P.I.
"Whoa. Nice-lookin' crowd indeed. Whoo. That's great. You brought it, huh?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh, yeah. Hey, man. This is guaranteed to make the ladies swoon."
Magnum, P.I.
"This baby has seen more action than Muhammad Ali."
Magnum, P.I.
"What is this? The tailor shop?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Well?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Geez. I don't know. It's a little short in the sleeves."
Magnum, P.I.
"All right. So you're a little taller than I am. Just don't reach for the salt, and it'll fit pretty good in the shoulders."
Magnum, P.I.
"Good. He'll take it. Wrap it up. Let's go. No. Wait. I mean, I don't know, T.C."
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh, you ever tried pricing one of these? Oh, no. It's okay. It's okay."
Magnum, P.I.
"I just-- See, I don't wanna ruin it. But I'm only gonna wear it this one night."
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't wanna know any more about it."
Magnum, P.I.
"Next thing I know, you'll have me involved in one of your crazy cases."
Magnum, P.I.
"See this jacket? Yeah."
Magnum, P.I.
"I want it back just the way you got it, okay? Right."
Magnum, P.I.
"Later, Rick. Thanks, T.C. I owe you one."
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Laughs ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Man ] We have reason to believe that Brigadier General Folkes may experience some difficulty with the I.R.A...."
Magnum, P.I.
"while he's here, so we would like you to sort of keep an eye on things--"
Magnum, P.I.
"you know, internal surveillance while he's out there on the estate."
Magnum, P.I.
"Somehow I get the impression we're talking about British eyebrows."
Magnum, P.I.
"We just don't want anything to happen to the brigadier. That's all you need to know."
Magnum, P.I.
"Not if you want my help, it's not."
Magnum, P.I.
"Come on, Hooker. Give it to 'im straight. I wanna get outta here and get somethin' to eat."
Magnum, P.I.
"I think that can wait."
Magnum, P.I.
"You see, as far as Northern Ireland is concerned, our British cousins are a bit touchy."
Magnum, P.I.
"We've offered them our help, and they have said thanks, but no, thanks."
Magnum, P.I.
"So, officially, this is hands-off."
Magnum, P.I.
"But we do not want a repeat of the Mountbatten affair in our own backyard."
Magnum, P.I.
"How 'bout just a glass of orange juice or something? Orange juice is three dollars."
Magnum, P.I.
"That's for the large. It's only two dollars for the small."
Magnum, P.I.
"You guys lose your wallets or something?"
Magnum, P.I.
"You can't put three dollars for orange juice on an expense account."
Magnum, P.I.
"I thought Uncle Sam paid for all that stuff."
Magnum, P.I.
"Uh, this is Magnum. Could you send up an orange juice, please? Yeah. A large. Thank you."
Magnum, P.I.
"Don't worry. It's on me. [ Man #2 ] Thanks, Magnum."
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Magnum ] What makes you think they're gonna try for him here? I didn't say that."
Magnum, P.I.
"I think they'd find it much easier to hit him on his own territory. Unless he's too heavily guarded back there."
Magnum, P.I.
"Well, what do you say, Magnum? Are you in? For 200 a day plus expenses."
Magnum, P.I.
"$200 a day? What are you trying to do? Rip off your own government?"
Magnum, P.I.
"I don't do that, but goodwill doesn't keep the finance companies and the landlords off my back."
Magnum, P.I.
"What's fair is fair. just drink your orange juice, will you?"
Magnum, P.I.
"$200 a day is one hell of a lot of money. Not if you only work 1 0 days a year."
Magnum, P.I.
"Oh, all right. All right. 200 a day."
Magnum, P.I.
"And for that kind of money, we get periodic check-ins every two hours. Every six hours."
Magnum, P.I.
"All right. I'll give you a number. You can reach us 2 4 hours a day. [ Magnum ] Right."
Magnum, P.I.
"Uh, look, while you guys are taking in the sun, there's something that you might check."
Magnum, P.I.
"There was a guy buzzing the shoreline on a catamaran today."
Magnum, P.I.
"He had a camera or some binoculars. It looked like a custom-made sail."
Magnum, P.I.
"- A white gull on the setting sun. - That sounds like it's worth checking out."
Magnum, P.I.
"$200 worth it's not, but it's something."
Magnum, P.I.
"-Just let me know what you find out, okay, Hooker? - Oh, yeah. We'll keep in touch."
Magnum, P.I.
"- Come on, Dobey. - Thanks again, Magnum."
Magnum, P.I.
"Right. I need something to eat and a place to lay down,"
Magnum, P.I.
"and don't think I'm not gonna complain, spending all night at the airport."
Magnum, P.I.
"Do me a favor, will ya, Rick? You want a make on the catamaran."
Magnum, P.I.
"Right. What's the matter? Don't you trust Punch and Judy?"
Magnum, P.I.
"Would you?"
Magnum, P.I.
"[ Whistles ]"
Magnum, P.I.
"What do you want me to do with it?"
Magnum, P.I.
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