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Clips from American Vandal - Hard Facts: Vandalism and Vulgarity (S01E01)

"Either way, I'm gonna have to jerk off myself."
American Vandal
"is just the fact that, like..."
American Vandal
"And I'm not even there, you know?"
American Vandal
"I can't even, like, defend myself."
American Vandal
"Dylan Maxwell, no question."
American Vandal
"He's, like, a known dick drawer."
American Vandal
"Ball hairs? Who cares?"
American Vandal
"I don't think he was even gonna graduate. Who gives a shit about Dylan Maxwell?"
American Vandal
"Yeah, I wouldn't trust anything that Dylan says."
American Vandal
"But then again, I wouldn't trust anything that Alex Trimboli says, either."
American Vandal
"Why not?"
American Vandal
"For starters, he said he got to third base with Sara Pearson at summer camp."
American Vandal
"Sara Pearson has hooked up with Michael Polowski,"
American Vandal
"Brad Cormack, Scott Winter."
American Vandal
"Sara Pearson? Like, no way, dude."
American Vandal
"Have you seen Alex? And have you seen Sara?"
American Vandal
"There is no way Alex got a hand job from Sara."
American Vandal
"She's... kind of top-notch."
American Vandal
"Sara Pearson is so hot."
American Vandal
"Scott... Sara."
American Vandal
"- Alex. - No."
American Vandal
"With only circumstantial evidence tying him to the vandalism,"
American Vandal
"the school board built its entire case against Dylan"
American Vandal
"on the back of Alex Trimboli's eyewitness testimony."
American Vandal
"While Dylan spends his days delivering diapers and french fries,"
American Vandal
"robbed of his senior year, and potentially college,"
American Vandal
"Trimboli walks the halls like a hero."
American Vandal
"What if he's not as reliable"
American Vandal
"as the school board would have you to believe?"
American Vandal
"Did you get a hand job from Sara Pearson?"
American Vandal
"The dicks."
American Vandal
"All the way back there, they must've made a big loop,"
American Vandal
"- of this kind of behavior. - Dylan."
American Vandal
"- This administration... - Dylan!"
American Vandal
"like, letting me get expelled for something I didn't even do is just..."
American Vandal
"How about her?"
American Vandal
"Like, everyone."
American Vandal
"So, here's what we know."
American Vandal
"It was horrible."
American Vandal
"...penis on my car."
American Vandal
"I could... Well, okay, so, he doesn't admit it."
American Vandal
"He lies to me a lot. But I can tell when he's lying,"
American Vandal
"and he knows that I can tell when he's lying,"
American Vandal
"If I'm being honest, I can't say I really like Dylan."
American Vandal
"that Dylan was the type of person to do the dicks."
American Vandal
"He was methodical about it."
American Vandal
"They couldn't."
American Vandal
"You know too much, right? Especially about 9/11."
American Vandal
"What did they say?"
American Vandal
"So, let's see if we can try and sort, uh, some of this out."
American Vandal
"Dylan and Mackenzie both say that Dylan was at Mackenzie's house."
American Vandal
"He wasn't... Look. He was lying about both."
American Vandal
"then we have a narrative that's easy to digest."
American Vandal
"He wasn't at Mackenzie's house or taking a dump at Priceless Moments."
American Vandal
"There was one of him saying he was there, and four of us saying he wasn't."
American Vandal
"Phil Huang,"
American Vandal
"Madison Kaplan, and Dylan Maxwell."
American Vandal
"and Dylan Maxwell is one of those nine, correct?"
American Vandal
"Thank you."
American Vandal
"Have you ever drawn obscene images"
American Vandal
"And I'd be like, "No.""
American Vandal
"- Four times a week. - Four times a week."
American Vandal
"At the hearing, Shapiro talked at length about these drawings."
American Vandal
"Dylan's whiteboard dicks were a major part of the school board's narrative."
American Vandal
"But I discovered one glaring discrepancy no one was even looking at."
American Vandal
"- Right. - I can't believe I never noticed that."
American Vandal
"All right, take a look at this."
American Vandal
"- You know? - The mushroom tip."
American Vandal
"They really... That's like a heart, almost."
American Vandal
"But Shapiro, she fucking hates him."
American Vandal
"Dylan made this point at the school board hearing,"
American Vandal
"and navigate to the right directory"
American Vandal
"So, tell me a little bit about the Wayback Boys."
American Vandal
"- Well... - You can see why this is tricky for us."
American Vandal
"Well, they think I was at Priceless Moments."
American Vandal
"- Okay. - I wanted to hang out with Mackenzie,"
American Vandal
"Just give me a bunch of shit. You know?"
American Vandal
"And they believe I'm at Priceless Moments, because they know"
American Vandal
"that are really hot, and have nice bodies or whatever."
American Vandal
""and I wasn't, you know, in the parking lot.""
American Vandal
"Ruff was here. Yo, Ruff, tell them."
American Vandal
"Wait, what?"
American Vandal
"She used to date Scott Winter."
American Vandal
"So, Alex, tell me."
American Vandal
"I'm sure they thought it was a prank."
American Vandal
"- or going kind of slow, at his own pace? - No."
American Vandal
"The hairs, the tip, the ball size? They're different."
American Vandal
"that you drew in Shapiro's class, all had hairs."
American Vandal
"But what if we can't trust him?"
American Vandal
"But, like..."
American Vandal
"The vandalism occurred between two and 2:30."
American Vandal
"Mackenzie, on the afternoon of March 15th,"
American Vandal
"And she also has, like, a way better ass."
American Vandal
"engineering or some shit, and then move up north,"
American Vandal
"I was thinking about that, too, but take a look at the tips."
American Vandal
"He replaced my license plate frame"
American Vandal
"Yeah, true. I'd never think to do that."
American Vandal
"at the time of the vandalism was missing?"
American Vandal
"The day after the vandalism,"
American Vandal
"Join us."
American Vandal
"that on March 15th at two o'clock,"
American Vandal
"that you were here"
American Vandal
"The school board thought so, too."
American Vandal
"So, tell me exactly what you saw."
American Vandal
"And I kind of noticed something, out of the corner of my eye, so, I turned."
American Vandal
"to contradict Alex Trimboli."
American Vandal
"The key to this whole thing is in these conflicting testimonies."
American Vandal
"If Dylan, his girlfriend, and the Wayback Boys are all lying,"
American Vandal
"Dude, don't say that."
American Vandal
"So, Dylan left?"
American Vandal
"But it would make sense that if he slashed the tires"
American Vandal
"until someone like me came out to stop him."
American Vandal
"a teacher vendetta, and a history of dick drawing?"
American Vandal
"Dude, Dylan's too dumb to delete footage."
American Vandal
""Damn, they got good.""
American Vandal
"I gotta work this shit job for half the day."
American Vandal
"Yeah, but, like, how do we prove that, you know?"
American Vandal
"Alex Trimboli claims he got a hand job from Sara Pearson?"
American Vandal
"You know? Like, I didn't fucking do it."
American Vandal
"But everyone is talking about me like I did."
American Vandal
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