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Clips from Modern Family - Up All Night (S01E01)

"Colombians can be very persuasive."
Modern Family
"They can make you agree to things before you even know it. You must have been pretty naive."
Modern Family
"Yeah. But now I'm with the right man, okay? Right."
Modern Family
"Javier is only going to stay one night. Good."
Modern Family
"Wait, what?"
Modern Family
"Don't be mad. I just got up to change her. [Sniffles]"
Modern Family
"Well, Mitchell really wanted to Ferberize the baby."
Modern Family
"Ferberize. It is a method of getting the baby to sleep through the night..."
Modern Family
"Torture. It's not torture, Cam."
Modern Family
"It's just hard if you happen to be a person who hates to hear another person suffer."
Modern Family
"[Mitchell] Or two people suffer."
Modern Family
"No, no. You got up to comfort her, which only teaches her that every time she cries,"
Modern Family
"her daddy will come in and cuddle her and put on her favorite-"
Modern Family
"[Chainsaw Whirring] What are we watching?"
Modern Family
"Oh, here comes the nightclub massacre. She loves it."
Modern Family
"Watch her little eyelids. It's so cute. They get so heavy."
Modern Family
"[Phil] Oh, that's bad."
Modern Family
"Oh, honey. I'm fine. No, I'm fine."
Modern Family
"I'm just- Okay, that's cancer."
Modern Family
"Maybe it's just a kidney stone. "Just," Claire?"
Modern Family
"- What's going on, guys? - It's nothing. Go back to bed."
Modern Family
"No, but Dad- Don't touch me."
Modern Family
"I bet it's just a kidney stone. "Just" again."
Modern Family
"and a piece of gravel from the driveway and see how she likes it."
Modern Family
"Why is everybody yelling? Something's wrong with Dad."
Modern Family
"Don't frighten him. Come here."
Modern Family
"Oh, that's gotta be death! Death is coming!"
Modern Family
"Okay, you need to go to the hospital. Yeah."
Modern Family
"That's what I told you when you were in labor and you threw my smoothie at me. Pill!"
Modern Family
"- Okay, I'm calling. - No, no, it's fine!"
Modern Family
"It's actually- It's fine. It's passing. It's passing."
Modern Family
"I am sorry to alarm everyone. I think I was probably just overreacting,"
Modern Family
"because there's an alien inside of me!"
Modern Family
"[Haley] Oh, my God."
Modern Family
"[Phil] Oh, close it down. I am definitely gonna call."
Modern Family
"All systems down. All systems down."
Modern Family
"[Billiard Balls Clacking]"
Modern Family
"Son of a bitch. What's the matter?"
Modern Family
"Just to check things out, okay? Come on."
Modern Family
"You hear that? Now he's messing around with my remote control."
Modern Family
"You can't hear that from here! [Clicks Tongue]"
Modern Family
"No. No, I'm a light sleeper."
Modern Family
"I didn't say I was old. I never sleep much anyway."
Modern Family
"Life is just more interesting after 2:00 a.m."
Modern Family
"What is it they say? That the night belongs to the poets and the madmen."
Modern Family
"[Both Chuckling]"
Modern Family
"Which are you? Perhaps both."
Modern Family
"And I think maybe you too, huh?"
Modern Family
"You ride? I used to."
Modern Family
"Used to? Used to?"
Modern Family
"Jay, the saddest words in any language, my friend. Yeah."
Modern Family
"Hey, help me out here. Everybody sees you as this great guy."
Modern Family
"How come I don't buy a word of it?"
Modern Family
"All I see is a dad who doesn't show up."
Modern Family
"Hey, Manny knows me. I live in the now."
Modern Family
"Well, I was living in the yesterday when Manny was crying outside that door..."
Modern Family
"'cause you didn't show up for the 10th time."
Modern Family
"And when I don't come, you think, uh- what, I'm just off chasing a good time, hmm?"
Modern Family
"Why? Because of Gloria?"
Modern Family
"[Wailing]"
Modern Family
"Okay, kids, gather around. Like you're hugging me, but don't touch me, okay?"
Modern Family
"Now look, I'm gonna be fine."
Modern Family
"- We know, Dad. - We don't know that. It's a miracle I'm standing up."
Modern Family
"But look, in case anything happens- [Groans, Exhales]"
Modern Family
"Thanks, Dad. I love you."
Modern Family
"[Crying] Don't cry, Luke. I'm okay."
Modern Family
"I broke the coffee table!"
Modern Family
"That's okay. What?"
Modern Family
"I broke the glass coffee table. The one you swore you didn't break,"
Modern Family
"and then we blamed Esperanza and fired her..."
Modern Family
"and she stole a turkey at Thanksgiving for her family and got deported?"
Modern Family
"Yeah. Damn it!"
Modern Family
"I'm sorry. [Groaning] You will be sorry!"
Modern Family
"[Doorbell Rings] [Haley] They're here!"
Modern Family
"Really? Okay-"
Modern Family
"[Exhales] Did you hear that?"
Modern Family
"Hmm. Luke broke the-"
Modern Family
"- Hey, you changed your clothes. - Well, I had- I had to get dressed."
Modern Family
"Into that sexy, clingy- Oh, my God. It's the firemen."
Modern Family
"No, sweetie. And lipstick!"
Modern Family
"I'm out here convulsing in agony and you're looking for cute tops to wear?"
Modern Family
"We got a minute, if you wanna try on some tighter jeans- [Groans]"
Modern Family
"By all means, Claire, we want you looking your sexiest..."
Modern Family
"when the hunky, gay firemen get here!"
Modern Family
"How we doing? We're great."
Modern Family
"- He meant me! Ohh! - All right."
Modern Family
"[Crying]"
Modern Family
"[Mitchell] Cameron!"
Modern Family
"So Manny has to suffer? No. You're right."
Modern Family
"Look, I'm going to try harder."
Modern Family
"From you, he learns stability."
Modern Family
"From me, he learns how to be spontaneous, grab life by the throat."
Modern Family
"Well, we do a little throat grabbing ourselves around here, you know."
Modern Family
"We were on our way to Benihana when you showed up."
Modern Family
"The worst career decision I ever made was playing baseball, but I loved every minute of it."
Modern Family
"You played baseball? [Scoffs]"
Modern Family
"I lived baseball."
Modern Family
"I only made it to Triple-A, but I played with all those guys- Sosa, McGwire."
Modern Family
"You look like you played some. I played in high school."
Modern Family
"I was all right. Never hit a curve ball."
Modern Family
"So that's a dream of yours? To- To hit a curve? Used to be."
Modern Family
"- What are you guys doing? - Manny, did we wake you up? I'm sorry."
Modern Family
"No. I was doing my science extra credit."
Modern Family
"- Of course you were. - So, can I play?"
Modern Family
"That's up to your dad."
Modern Family
"Actually, I think we're done with pool for right now."
Modern Family
"I have a better idea for the three of us. Vamos."
Modern Family
"So, how do you know this guy? He owes me a little favor."
Modern Family
"This is the coolest night ever!"
Modern Family
"Now, let's see about that curve ball."
Modern Family
"[Crying]"
Modern Family
"Out. I thought you were-"
Modern Family
"Those were pillows. Come on. Come on."
Modern Family
"The whole point of Ferberizing..."
Modern Family
"is to teach her to put herself to sleep, and you keep ruining it."
Modern Family
"I can't help it. I'm like a mother bear."
Modern Family
"When I hear my cub crying, I have to run to her."
Modern Family
"Except you're not a bear. Get in our room."
Modern Family
"Get- Cam, get in there. Get in there."
Modern Family
"Cut it out. All the way- Our room."
Modern Family
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