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Clips from Girls5eva - Cease and Desist (S01E01)

* And wear our comfortable shoes *

"* And wear our comfortable shoes *"

Girls5eva

- Love you, Wickie!

"- Love you, Wickie!"

Girls5eva

- * Look at our history *

"- * Look at our history *"

Girls5eva

* There is no mystery *

"* There is no mystery *"

Girls5eva

* The problem here was you *

"* The problem here was you *"

Girls5eva

* So what if we risk it all and try *

"* So what if we risk it all and try *"

Girls5eva

* Knowing we might fall, but we might fly *

"* Knowing we might fall, but we might fly *"

Girls5eva

* Who cares what they say? *

"* Who cares what they say? *"

Girls5eva

* We're gonna do it our way *

"* We're gonna do it our way *"

Girls5eva

* Like Sinatra or Burger King *

"* Like Sinatra or Burger King *"

Girls5eva

* Five stars is a lie *

"* Five stars is a lie *"

Girls5eva

- Wait, what is this song?

"- Wait, what is this song?"

Girls5eva

- * Nobody's perfect so then why try *

"- * Nobody's perfect so then why try *"

Girls5eva

- Come on, diva! Play your old stuff.

"- Come on, diva! Play your old stuff."

Girls5eva

Melt down. Come on, diva!

"Melt down. Come on, diva!"

Girls5eva

Please, I beseech you, not even ask.

"Please, I beseech you, not even ask."

Girls5eva

Yes, come on!

"Yes, come on!"

Girls5eva

Be perturbed, my sovereign! Yes, Wickie live!

"Be perturbed, my sovereign! Yes, Wickie live!"

Girls5eva

- * Coming up, coming up, coming up, coming up *

"- * Coming up, coming up, coming up, coming up *"

Girls5eva

* Four stars *

"* Four stars *"

Girls5eva

- It's my life, Mama! - How dare you, mon frère?

"- It's my life, Mama! - How dare you, mon frère?"

Girls5eva

- No. Don't take the bait.

"- No. Don't take the bait."

Girls5eva

- Bait taken! - Sit and zip it!

"- Bait taken! - Sit and zip it!"

Girls5eva

Zip!

"Zip!"

Girls5eva

- Patti LuPone and [indistinct]!

"- Patti LuPone and [indistinct]!"

Girls5eva

- Don't try to freak out my friends

"- Don't try to freak out my friends"

Girls5eva

so you can sell some T-shirts.

"so you can sell some T-shirts."

Girls5eva

'Cause she's not gonna freak out.

"'Cause she's not gonna freak out."

Girls5eva

[audience murmuring]

"[audience murmuring]"

Girls5eva

She's not gonna be like, "Shut it down, clown town!"

"She's not gonna be like, "Shut it down, clown town!""

Girls5eva

Order in the sport court.

"Order in the sport court."

Girls5eva

Time of death? Uh, now.

"Time of death? Uh, now."

Girls5eva

Simon says you gotta go to the bus station

"Simon says you gotta go to the bus station"

Girls5eva

and get far away from here...

"and get far away from here..."

Girls5eva

- Overlong, but-- - Bitchard Nixon, okay?

"- Overlong, but-- - Bitchard Nixon, okay?"

Girls5eva

You don't get to decide

"You don't get to decide"

Girls5eva

whether we're gonna sing new stuff or old stuff

"whether we're gonna sing new stuff or old stuff"

Girls5eva

because, unlike you, Zander, we have stuff.

"because, unlike you, Zander, we have stuff."

Girls5eva

Wickie, she spent her whole life

"Wickie, she spent her whole life"

Girls5eva

making stuff singing, dancing,

"making stuff singing, dancing,"

Girls5eva

spokesmodeling for discount whipped creams...

"spokesmodeling for discount whipped creams..."

Girls5eva

- Available everywhere discounted pies are sold.

"- Available everywhere discounted pies are sold."

Girls5eva

- Whoo! - Yeah, girl.

"- Whoo! - Yeah, girl."

Girls5eva

- What in the hell have you ever done

"- What in the hell have you ever done"

Girls5eva

besides fail to grow a mustache over that sinkhole?

"besides fail to grow a mustache over that sinkhole?"

Girls5eva

- Ooh!

"- Ooh!"

Girls5eva

- I just dye my stubble platinum.

"- I just dye my stubble platinum."

Girls5eva

- You're a puppet, Zander.

"- You're a puppet, Zander."

Girls5eva

And Wickie-- Wickie is a sexy Geppetto!

"And Wickie-- Wickie is a sexy Geppetto!"

Girls5eva

She is a sexy Gep-pet-to.

"She is a sexy Gep-pet-to."

Girls5eva

all: Diva, diva, diva!

"all: Diva, diva, diva!"

Girls5eva

- That's right. I'm a flap jacket gay diva.

"- That's right. I'm a flap jacket gay diva."

Girls5eva

And you're all gonna sit there quietly and watch us

"And you're all gonna sit there quietly and watch us"

Girls5eva

sing this song five more damn times

"sing this song five more damn times"

Girls5eva

because we've worked so hard on it.

"because we've worked so hard on it."

Girls5eva

And I don't have to go relieve my dad's nurse until 6:00.

"And I don't have to go relieve my dad's nurse until 6:00."

Girls5eva

Back to one! [cheers and applause]

"Back to one! [cheers and applause]"

Girls5eva

[laughter]

"[laughter]"

Girls5eva

- [screams]

"- [screams]"

Girls5eva

- That was... - Cathartic.

"- That was... - Cathartic."

Girls5eva

- An inspired collab.

"- An inspired collab."

Girls5eva

- Oh, I needed that release so bad today.

"- Oh, I needed that release so bad today."

Girls5eva

- I was shook. This is real pee.

"- I was shook. This is real pee."

Girls5eva

- [gasps] - Oh.

"- [gasps] - Oh."

Girls5eva

- Wait, I'm sorry, I missed something.

"- Wait, I'm sorry, I missed something."

Girls5eva

What happened?

"What happened?"

Girls5eva

- We struck a content deal before the show.

"- We struck a content deal before the show."

Girls5eva

First, Zander would provoke me...

"First, Zander would provoke me..."

Girls5eva

- And then I'd scream at him. And I get my icon wings.

"- And then I'd scream at him. And I get my icon wings."

Girls5eva

And then he's gonna lip-sync about it.

"And then he's gonna lip-sync about it."

Girls5eva

- My friend filmed everything. - We keep 80%

"- My friend filmed everything. - We keep 80%"

Girls5eva

of streaming generated profits and merch from the phrases

"of streaming generated profits and merch from the phrases"

Girls5eva

"sexy Geppetto and Bitchard Nixon."

""sexy Geppetto and Bitchard Nixon.""

Girls5eva

- Thank you for those. - Plesh.

"- Thank you for those. - Plesh."

Girls5eva

And Zander's army of fans... - Zander Fanders.

"And Zander's army of fans... - Zander Fanders."

Girls5eva

- Are gonna hear 30 seconds of "Four Stars"

"- Are gonna hear 30 seconds of "Four Stars""

Girls5eva

before the rant starts.

"before the rant starts."

Girls5eva

That's how you promote a new song.

"That's how you promote a new song."

Girls5eva

- Oh, my God, it's genius!

"- Oh, my God, it's genius!"

Girls5eva

Whoo!

"Whoo!"

Girls5eva

You guys, this is allyship, the practice in which a person

"You guys, this is allyship, the practice in which a person"

Girls5eva

in a position of power operates in solidarity--

"in a position of power operates in solidarity--"

Girls5eva

- Yeah, we're good. We're all learned up.

"- Yeah, we're good. We're all learned up."

Girls5eva

We got it.

"We got it."

Girls5eva

[light music]

"[light music]"

Girls5eva

- Add me to the list of Ojani Noa,

"- Add me to the list of Ojani Noa,"

Girls5eva

Sasha Czack, Trevor Engelson.

"Sasha Czack, Trevor Engelson."

Girls5eva

- Who are those people? - JLo's first husband,

"- Who are those people? - JLo's first husband,"

Girls5eva

Sylvester Stallone's first wife,

"Sylvester Stallone's first wife,"

Girls5eva

Meghan Markle's first husband,

"Meghan Markle's first husband,"

Girls5eva

all dumped once their spouses got famous.

"all dumped once their spouses got famous."

Girls5eva

- What are you even talking about?

"- What are you even talking about?"

Girls5eva

Are you still jealous of Jeter?

"Are you still jealous of Jeter?"

Girls5eva

We didn't even finish

"We didn't even finish"

Girls5eva

'cause Jordana Brewster called in the middle.

"'cause Jordana Brewster called in the middle."

Girls5eva

- It's gonna be so sad one day when I bike up to, like,

"- It's gonna be so sad one day when I bike up to, like,"

Girls5eva

Bon Jovi's mansion and go,

"Bon Jovi's mansion and go,"

Girls5eva

"I'm here to pick up my son to take him to a free zoo."

""I'm here to pick up my son to take him to a free zoo.""

Girls5eva

- Scott, I'm not leaving you.

"- Scott, I'm not leaving you."

Girls5eva

- You kicked me out of your show.

"- You kicked me out of your show."

Girls5eva

- Because you destroyed my confidence with your pity face.

"- Because you destroyed my confidence with your pity face."

Girls5eva

I was so wrecked I had to make up a badass alter ego

"I was so wrecked I had to make up a badass alter ego"

Girls5eva

to get through the show.

"to get through the show."

Girls5eva

Her name is Fledge Mulholland

"Her name is Fledge Mulholland"

Girls5eva

and she got electrocuted in the crotch

"and she got electrocuted in the crotch"

Girls5eva

so she sits in chairs like this.

"so she sits in chairs like this."

Girls5eva

- What? That wasn't pity.

"- What? That wasn't pity."

Girls5eva

That was me freaking out because

"That was me freaking out because"

Girls5eva

you're Jason Momoa, and I'm normal.

"you're Jason Momoa, and I'm normal."

Girls5eva

- No.

"- No."

Girls5eva

I'm just me.

"I'm just me."

Girls5eva

But I do need your support, Scott,

"But I do need your support, Scott,"

Girls5eva

because I'm doing something that's insane.

"because I'm doing something that's insane."

Girls5eva

And whether you mean to or not,

"And whether you mean to or not,"

Girls5eva

your face brings me back to earth

"your face brings me back to earth"

Girls5eva

and reminds me that it's insane,

"and reminds me that it's insane,"

Girls5eva

because you are grounded and normal

"because you are grounded and normal"

Girls5eva

and that's why I love you.

"and that's why I love you."

Girls5eva

But it's fucking with me onstage.

"But it's fucking with me onstage."

Girls5eva

[sighs]

"[sighs]"

Girls5eva

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