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Clips from The Simpsons - Pygmoelian (S11E11)

"Don't forget. Today's winner will be immortalized on our new Duff calendar."
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"All right, guys, one, two, three."
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"See what happens when you skip rehearsal."
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"##[ Fanfare]"
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"All right, bartenders, toss your drunks."
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"You said if I slept with you, I wouldn't have to touch the drunk."
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"Duff Man says a lot of things. Oh, yeah!"
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"Hmph!"
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"Oh, that's great. Thank you. Thanks a lot."
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"- Yeah, all right, Moe! - That's my Moo!"
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"And now, to take your official calendar portrait..."
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"Duff's vice president in charge of calendars and fake I.D.'s..."
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"Phil Angelides!"
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"[ Cheering ]"
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"- [ Gasps ] - That's a mug you don't wanna chug."
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"- Kids, would you like a balloon? - Yeah, right, Mom."
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"Those balloons won't biodegrade for 1 0,000 years."
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"Remember my face."
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"[ Moans ]"
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"[ Groans ]"
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"and it's only good in Rhode Island, and it's signed by you."
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"Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to get that updated..."
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"for this state and real."
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"Hey. ''Viva la''-"
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"''Kiss Me''- What? Hey!"
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"Ah, for the love of Jeff."
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"- Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? - Huh?"
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"- Is Barney that drunk? - [ Moans ]"
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"- Is Homer that lazy, bald and fat? - [ Sighs ]"
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"- [ Sobbing ] - [ Sobbing ]"
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"See, this is why I don't talk much."
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"I can't believe they put those stickers over my face."
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"Oh, Moe, there's lots of people uglier than you."
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"Come on. Look at me. I'm a gargoyle..."
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"what, with the cauliflower ear there and the lizard lips-"
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"- Little rat eyes. - Caveman brow."
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"- Or listen to. - Or be with."
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"Hey, Moe, if you're tired of being an eyesore, why not get some plastic surgery?"
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"Plastic surgery, huh?"
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"Maybe they could dynamite Mount Crapmore here and carve me a new kisser."
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"I don't know. Plastic surgery might make you look good on the outside..."
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"But I'd look good on the outside, right?"
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"Hey! Get outta there."
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"Must be great to be a baby and be so easily amused."
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"I wish I could be entertained by two cents worth of rubber shaped like some colorful animal..."
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"dancing and twirling, dancing and twirling."
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"- Hey, give me that! - It's mine!"
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"- Oh, man, that would be so awesome! - [ Moans ]"
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"Mm-hmm. Yeah."
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"[ Imitates Bomb Falling, Exploding ]"
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"- It's hopeless, ain't it? - No, no, no, I love a challenge."
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"First, we must install buttocks."
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"Okay, I'm gonna move this up. This wider."
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"I'm gonna lose that. I've never even seen one of these."
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"Can the medical mumbo jumbo. Can you fix me or not?"
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"Well, we'll see. You know, most faces need a little remodeling..."
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"[ Moans ] I'm trying."
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"I'm not riding a girl's bike."
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"Hey, it's getting away! Step on it. Hyah! Hyah!"
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"Ooh, boy, what a mug!"
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"Yeah. You should see his genitals. Would you like to see them?"
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"Sorry, Doctor."
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"Ho! # Silver bells #"
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"# Silver bells #"
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"It's going into that building."
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"Oh, that's my little dude."
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"A little on the nose, don't you think?"
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"Excuse me. We just came to get our balloon."
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"- ''A gay president in 2084''? - We're realistic."
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"Hurry! Hurry up! I have to pee!"
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"- Beautiful. - Okay, now do Moe."
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"Well, Moe, now we see..."
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"Oooh."
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"- [ Both Gasp ] - What? I'm a monster, right?"
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"periodically emerging to sue you."
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"Oopsie. We got some leakage. Let me just cauterize that for you."
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"Bye-bye."
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"Homer, did you hear that? She called me handsome."
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"Yeah, but just for a minute. It's a funny story. I'll tell you sometime."
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"- So this is all real? - Oh, you dear, dear man."
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"And your new life begins today."
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"A new life. A second chance... for revenge."
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"That brown patch needs a little H2O."
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"Oh, yeah!"
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"Duff Man... can't breathe."
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"Well, I just wanted to show you the face that you could have been kissing."
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"- Yeah. - Oh, I was just a stupid kid back then."
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"- Will you accept my apology? - Apology?"
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"Uh, geez. I wasn't expecting that. Uh-"
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"It all goes back to my acting days."
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"I was auditioning for the role of Dr. Tad Winslow..."
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"on the hit soap It Never Ends."
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"- Angela, I'm afraid I- - [ Woman ] Thank you. Next."
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"- What were you thinking? - Well, you said you wanted ''gritty.''"
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"In other words, ugly."
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"TV ugly, not ugly-ugly."
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"Well, it's time to get some closure."
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"But I've been Dr. Tad Winslow for 25 years."
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"Oh, shut up, you windy old hack."
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"Remember me? Twenty-five years ago..."
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"you said I was too ugly to play Dr. Tad Winslow."
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"- You're our new Dr. Tad Winslow. - Really? You mean it?"
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"[ Moans ]"
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"[ Laughing ]"
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"[ Male Announcer] Like the cleaning of a house, It Never Ends."
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"Allegra Hamilton as Sister Bernadette and Roxie Monoxide."
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"And as Dr. Tad Winslow, Moe Szyslak."
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"I don't know if I'll be able to accept Moe as Dr. Tad Winslow."
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"Well, I'm gonna keep watching..."
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"as long as they have shocking story twists and endless pillow talk."
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"Cleo Cleo You brought music to my heart"
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"But I love you, Tad, and together we can burn all the cities of the Earth."
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"And Clive Dancer is just waiting for me to slip up."
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"So, Lenny, how are things working out with you and that girl next door?"
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"Eh, it's over. She got a window shade."
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"Whoa, whoa. If you must grope me, ladies, please, a little softer."
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"- Hey, there are women in our bar. - Hey, Moe, beer me."
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"I'm a little busy, Homer. You can pour it yourself."
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"Hmm. This isn't nearly as complicated as Moe made it seem."
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"[ Screaming ]"
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