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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #2.10 (S02E02)

"Hey, everyone, look what I found."
Chappelle's Show
"It's... it's a dagger!"
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"Wow! Wow!"
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"Whoa, that's not a toy, there, Robert!"
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"Bobble!"
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"Hey, kids."
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"Hey, you better be careful when you're handlin' those things."
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"That's not a dagger at all, it's called a syringe."
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"People use it to inject a drug called heroin"
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"directly into their bloodstream."
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"Why?"
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"than sniffing it."
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"Bobble, why do people get high?"
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"Oh, very good question, young lady."
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"For all kinds of reasons."
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"Some people think they need it just to get through the day."
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"And some people just like to party"
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"and can quit whenever they want."
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"Like me."
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"Dah!"
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"uhh."
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"about drugs in this country."
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"(music starts)"
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"and I can't deal"
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"I know it looks a certain way"
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"but people get high every day..."
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"some people do it with cigarette smokin'"
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"others treat their headaches with ibuprofen"
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"your grandpa talks about self-respect"
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"but it's all drugs to me"
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"it's all drugs to me"
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"(moans)"
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"That junk's kickin' in, kids."
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"It feels like I have a million teeny tiny kitty cats"
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"rubbing my balls,"
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"Lemme bring this bitch home."
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"They're all..."
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"drugs... to..."
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"I'm going to the emergency room."
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"Bye-bye, kids."
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"You see, kids, always throw away your trash."
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"Uhh."
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"I'm fuckin' dyin', man!"
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"Hey!"
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"(kids) It's Stinky the Grom."
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"Fuck you, too."
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"Besides livin' in a trash can"
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"and havin' a syringe lodged in my fuckin' head,"
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"Where are your parents, anyway?"
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"My mommy and daddy are at work."
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"Oh, yeah?"
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"Well, me, I gave up workin' a long time ago."
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"Don't give up, Stinky!"
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"My dad says, if you never give up, and work hard,"
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"all your dreams will come true."
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"That's the gayest shit I ever heard."
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"What?"
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"I don't believe yo' pappy"
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"he may be rich but he ain't happy"
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"tells you 'bout work and you want to be him"
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"but when's the last time you got to see him?"
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"He works hard, why?"
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"So you can go out and buy"
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"a bunch of shit that you don't need"
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"driven by your punk-ass hopes and greed"
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"that's why I say"
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"for the first time in my life"
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"I'm finally free"
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"no mansion for me I said "fuck it""
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"no brand new Humvee I say "fuck it""
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"but you'll get no pussy"
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"fuck it"
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"what you don't understand"
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"is I make love to my hand"
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"so I don't need you, honey"
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"I beat my dick like it owes me money"
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"that's right, I said fuck it."
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"Now, if you'll excuse me,"
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"I'm gonna go and make me a nice feces sandwich."
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"Look, it's Dangle!"
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"And, hey, you're Chris Rock!"
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"It's Dave Chappelle, but... close enough."
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"Where are you guys going?"
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"Well, Dangle's not feeling well,"
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"so I'm taking him to the doctor."
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"What's wrong, Dangle?"
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"What's that?"
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"when I pee-pee it burns like hell."
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"I have what's known as a "venereal disease.""
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"How did you get it?"
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"From fuckin'."
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"I got so much puppet ass, it could be from anywhere!"
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"What's the sickness called?"
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"I'm not sure, Robert."
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"That's why we're going to the doctor."
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"There's a lot of different kinds of penis sicknesses out there."
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"That's right, Dave."
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"All kinds."
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"Sex isn't wrong but you gotta be right"
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"if you're hitting the sheets then wrap it up tight"
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"listen up, kids 'cause I ain't jokin'"
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"one bad decision"
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"your dick will be smokin'"
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"you'll catch a VD But don't take it from me..."
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"Oh, hello, Dave Chappelle, haven't seen you for a while."
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"What's it been, two months?"
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"Dirty motherfucker!"
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"Oh... here come the crabs."
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"The crabs"
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"ole!"
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"This nigga's a freak."
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"see you in hell, motherfuckers."
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"Ooh, baby, I like it raw."
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"Oh, gosh."
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"Wow, life is hard."
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"Nah, it's not, Lisa."
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"All right, look, if you just remember"
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"to keep your genitals outta harm's way,"
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"you'll be a winner!"
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"(kids cheering)"
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