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Clips from The Golden Girls - The Custody Battle (S01E01)

"Oh! You're pulling my leg!"
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"- He picked you over me? - Listen, I hate having to..."
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"Hold on, Dorothy."
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"This is a joke, isn't it? He didn't really pick you over me."
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"Oh, Blanche, I didn't even want the part, but Jason said I have presence."
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"- Listen, I really have to go to work... - He actually picked you over me?"
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"I do not believe this! I have been had."
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"And you still didn't get the part."
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"All right, Dorothy. I'm ready. Now tell me your bad news."
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"My mother is leaving. She's going to move in with my sister, Gloria."
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"- She just can't! - She's a grown woman."
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"- She can do anything she wants. - Why's she leaving? Isn't she happy here?"
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"Well, what about us?"
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"Who's going to keep after us and make us linguine and tell us stories about Sicily?"
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"I don't know, Rose. Maybe Mary Poppins has an Italian cousin."
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"- Dorothy, do you want her to go? - Of course not!"
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"- It's breaking my heart! - I am not gonna let her go without a fight!"
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"Me neither! Sophia's like a mother to us all!"
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"- It just wouldn't be the same without her! - But if she wants to live with Gloria,"
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"she has every right to do it."
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"And we have no right to make her feel guilty about it. Now I really have to go."
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"Oh, what a terrible morning this is! Sophia's leaving!"
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"And I'm playing an ugly old witch 'cause you stole my part!"
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"Oh, Blanche, I know how much that part means to you."
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"You know what I was thinking? You could go on for me one night."
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"Well, Rose, isn't that sweet? And I do love you for it, honey, but I just couldn't."
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"I could never fit this trim little body into that big old tent of a dress"
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"they're gonna have to make for you."
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"Does your luggage have to sit in the middle of the room?"
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"No, it could also roll over and play dead."
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"- Something bothering you? - 'Course not. What makes you say that?"
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"- Do you want to talk about it? - No."
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"Yes. You come here with your limo and your presents"
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"and your designer luggage and you think you're better than everybody else."
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"You have everything! Do you have to have Ma, too?"
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"Dorothy, you are crazy. You're Ma's favorite - you always have been!"
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"Come on! You're the one who always got all the attention."
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"Sure, I got attention! But only because you were the strongest,"
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"the smartest, and you could take care of yourself,"
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"which Ma constantly pointed out in English and Italian."
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"Ma said this about me?"
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"Think back, Dorothy. When we were kids and Ma and Pop were working,"
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"- who did Ma always leave in charge? - Me."
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"- Right. And do you know why? - Yeah, because Phil played with matches."
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"No, because Ma trusted you with responsibility."
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"In her eyes, I could never be as good as you!"
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"Ma looked at you and saw a wonderful future."
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"She looked at me and hoped I would marry rich."
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"Which I did. Very rich."
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"- Why didn't she ever say any of this? - She did."
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"Who does she turn to whenever she's in trouble, hm?"
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"Who did she come to live with? Her favorite - you."
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"Oh, come on, Gloria. That is the dumbest thing I ever heard."
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"You have Ma and your friends and your work and..."
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"Your life just seems so much more important than mine."
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"And I wanted to take a little bit back with me."
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"- It's not what Ma wants. - You think she wants to stay?"
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"I know she wants to stay."
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"I'm gonna go talk to her."
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"- Are you all right? - Oh, sure. I've got all I need."
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"And you also have a sister who loves you."
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"And Pop's nose."
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"Ma, you're not leaving."
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"You're staying here with Rose and Blanche and me."
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"Hey, if I want to leave, I'll leave. I'm free, single, and 80!"
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"I'm not gonna take no for an answer. You're staying!"
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"I should have known you couldn't make it without me."
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"You're right. I can't."
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"And neither can Blanche and neither can Rose."
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"Of course not, Rose! The woman can hardly find her way to work!"
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"- Then you'll stay? - Not so fast."
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"You're gonna have to make a few changes around here first."
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"Like you can't hang around me all the time."
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"You need your space - I need mine. OK?"
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"OK, Ma."
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"So maybe I'll stick around and look after you Three Stooges."
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"Come!"
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"Oh, Gloria. I just made a very important decision I think you should know about."
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"What is it, Ma?"
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"I decided to stay here in Miami."
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"I had to, she begged. It was pathetic!"
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"It's OK, Ma. I understand."
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"You're a good daughter, Gloria. You're both good daughters."
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"Most people my age have children trying to get rid of them."
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"My children are fighting over who gets to keep me."
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"You don't know how much that means to an old lady."
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"Honey, you don't know how much you mean to us."
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"And I love you. I love all my children."
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"- Even Phil? - Sure, but don't tell him."
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"He'll want to borrow money."
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"- Hi, girls. - Oh, hi. How was dinner?"
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"Great. I ate a lot, Ma drank a lot, Gloria paid a lot."
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"I'm so glad the three of you got things worked out,"
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"- and that Sophia's not leaving. - Oh, me too."
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"That spunky little lady sure does add life to this place!"
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"Oh, and the stories she tells."
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"And there's always a little gem of wisdom hidden deep, deep, deep inside."
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"Listen, when I thought I was moving, I was gonna give each one of you a gift,"
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"- but I want you to have them anyway. - Why, Sophia, how sweet!"
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"- Oh, honey, you shouldn't have! - Oh, Ma, this is so lovely."
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"And so familiar."
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"This is mine."
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"- I thought the cleaner lost it. - I told you the cleaner lost it."
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"I took it - I needed something to go with my black sweater."
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"This is my black sweater."
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"- I know, it goes great with... - My pearls."
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"Well, enjoy and be healthy!"
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"I wonder if she's seen my umbrella with the duck handle."
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"You know, I haven't been able to find my ankle bracelet."
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"Come on, I think it's time to search her room again."
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"'Course not, Dorothy. I'm gonna let him use me to get a part in a play."
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"I've always wondered about that."
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"Of course not, Ma. My luggage is at the hotel. Those are gifts."
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"It's a gift certificate for a complete makeover at Elizabeth Arden's."
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"What kind of changes?"
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