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Clips from Arrested Development - Fakin' It (S03E03)

"was also trying to convince someone to pursue a fake marriage."
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"It had been two months since they'd kissed."
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"- Oh, yeah. - And so, like many people..."
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"who no longer felt anything for each other, they decided to get married."
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"I'm N. Bluth, aren't I? Legally, that's my real name."
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"You've been doing all the Iraq business under it thinking it wouldn't be traceable."
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"- But it is, and I'm going down. - For God's sakes, it's a typo, Michael."
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"What kind of father do you think I am? They even got your birth date wrong."
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"It's a coincidence, Michael. You're not N. Bluth. There is no N. Bluth."
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"I called Jan Eagleman about this, and she says it sounds pretty bad."
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"Yeah, but what if she wasn't?"
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"- Oh, come on. - Why can't you be like Buster?"
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"He put himself in a coma to protect this family, poor kid."
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"- I gotta get down there now. - Shrimp fest is over, Pop."
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"Really? Better go to Chili's."
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"All they're doing in there is trying to keep people alive."
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"- It's a life mill. - Oh, hello, Lindsay."
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"- Hi. I'm Father Ben. - Ben is a Franciscan who can bench-press over 200 pounds."
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"No, the other side, 'cause that..."
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"Tobias, Brian and I believe in the dignity of every human being."
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"Now, why don't we leave the fruits with the vegetables and go get a coffee?"
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"Do some pushups."
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"putting on a wedding for the Alzheimer's patients."
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"And now, they are truly family. It is permanent..."
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"And Maeby did the thing she had always thought was so corny..."
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"I can't do this. I can't do this."
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"- But we're not... - What am I doing?"
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"What are we gonna do?"
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"Just give it a minute."
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"Now it's a bar mitzvah."
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"And as George Michael acted like a boy becoming a man..."
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"Michael returned to his office to find a man acting like a boy."
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"- What's this? - Just practicing my testimony. Fake witness box."
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"And you couldn't have just taken my stuff off the desk first or unplugged my computer?"
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"Justice is swift, Michael. Plus, we need to be prepared for our testimony."
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"You're not doing any of that "My name is Judge" stuff on the stand, okay?"
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"No. They're all out of magazines at the hospital. Besides, I've got a better idea."
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"Which he got at the hospital."
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"Patient presented with gastric bacterial infection coupled with peptic ulcers."
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"Tetracycline should not be administered due to allergies."
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"Check this out. You'll say, "Who's this little friend?""
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"And I'll say, "Well, he's not really feeling that well.""
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"And you'll say, "Oh, what's wrong with the little guy?""
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"Patient presented with gastric bacterial infection."
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"Wow. Sounds like you could use some try-cycling."
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"Tetracycline should not be administered due to allergies."
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"Your lips are still moving, and... You stole the doctor's tape recorder?"
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"- Just the tape. - I'm giving it back to him."
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"My career needs this. You know what? Dad was right."
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"Gob, I'm not gonna turn this mock trial into some kind of..."
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"- You were gonna say mockery. - I was in trouble, like, three words into that."
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"when he had a visit from the real prosecutor."
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"Wayne, what are you doin' here?"
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"- We heard about the trial. We wanna make a deal with you. - A deal?"
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"Anything said in a mock trial or daytime courtroom show..."
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"can be used in any real criminal proceeding or prime-time procedural show..."
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"subject to the interpretation of the presiding judge or the executive producer."
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"In our case, Judge Reinhold is both."
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"- Did he get EP? - Sure did."
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"Good for him. Anyway, put your dad on the stand..."
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"get him talking, and you get full immunity."
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"If you don't do it, we're gonna go after N. Bluth, and we think that's you."
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"You're asking me to conspire against my own client. Couldn't you go to jail for that?"
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"- Think about it, Michael. It may be time to cut and run. - We don't do that in my family."
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"Maeby had just run away from a fake wedding..."
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"that had gotten a little too real."
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"- You know about this room too? - Yeah, it's my dad's exercise room."
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"Maeby was still a child in many ways."
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"Yeah, I-I come here to think myself sometimes. But I always knock first."
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"I-I always do that. I always do that anyway, no matter what room."
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"- So what happened back there? - I don't know."
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"I guess I just got a little weirded out."
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"I mean, we're cousins. It's wrong."
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"Well, you know, the Torah tells us that the larger wrong..."
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"is to put our own feelings before the commitments we've made."
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"You know, towards the sick, aged and gross."
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"- That's not in the Torah. - And, I mean, you know..."
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"we weren't there for ourselves today."
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"Again, not true."
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"I mean, you know, I'm not saying it's not weird for me too."
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"I'm saying maybe we could take those weird feelings and turn them into something positive."
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"He really wanted that kiss."
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"Let's freak them out."
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"Hey, you guys know about this room too, huh?"
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"I'm just lookin' for some evidence for my trial against Pop-Pop... for Pop-Pop."
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"I mean, seriously, Doctor, when are we gonna know something?"
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"- I'm tryin' to get on with my life. - So is what remains of Buster."
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"Tetracycline? Didn't I say not to give him that?"
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"Didn't you listen to my notes?"
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"- No, I can't, Lindsay. - You're not interested in me."
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"- And you're not capable of intimacy. - Well, just fake it!"
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"Coma."
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"And, believe it or not, that actually got through to them."
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"Now, will you please turn on the Cartoon Network and get the hell out of here?"
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"And the next day..."
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"the mock trial began, as did the mock episode..."
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"of what had now been renamed..."
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"All rise for acting's highest honor, Judge Reinhold!"
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"Wow. Thank you."
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"That's the first time I ever got a standing ovation before the show."
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"- They're not clapping. - They don't in a courtroom."
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"Please be seated.f"
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"and the Bluths set about pretending they were a family that stays together."
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"You never heard anyone in your family discuss plans..."
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"to either travel to Iraq or do business there?"
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"Well, I spend so much time making sweet love on my wife..."
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"- Your witness. - I have nothing."
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"Oh, how should I know where the money comes from?"
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"I just know where it goes... to taking care of my poor comatose son."
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"And if this were the real trial, I'd cry here."
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"I'm saving my good stuff too."
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"I have one witness, Dad, and he'll clear everything up."
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"- Gob had a little trouble. - State your name."
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"My name is Judge."
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"I'm just gonna go ahead and jump in right here. I have nothing for him."
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"Listen, have fun out there, because this is the last time..."
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"I'd like to jump right ahead to calling a surprise witness."
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"I would like to call to the stand..."
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"Franklin Delano Bluth."
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"- You're callin' Franklin, Mikey? - I sure am, pal."
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