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Clips from F is for Family - Fight Night (S02E02)

"Man, get off the goddamn phone"
F is for Family
"and get your woman a nice present before she ends up like my wife"
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"and starts fucking everybody in the goddamn neighborhood!"
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"And congratulations!"
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"You're such a goody-goody with your perfect family"
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"and your dad who doesn't yell at you."
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"Mine doesn't even ask me about the hockey tryouts he forgot to take me to!"
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"Um..."
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"That's a start."
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"Hey, you guys cut school today, too?"
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"Our daddy glued one of them professor hats to his head."
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"Hey, you guys want to do something really fun?"
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"Let's go to the supermarket and lick some meat!"
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"I got a better idea."
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"What if we stuff these clothes with some leaves and dirt and threw it at a car?"
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"We can't do that. It's dangerous."
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"Holy shit!"
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"What am I, the Shah of Iran?"
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"Oh, fuck me."
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"I'd love to chat, but..."
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"Congratulations!"
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"Oh, I'm so happy you two have what Greg and I do."
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"So much work."
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"It's important to do things together as a couple."
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"Like, you caught us on Greg's "Pants Shopping Day.""
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"Every Thursday at noon, Greg's got to look at pants in this very store."
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"He's such a man."
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"Pressure? No! Why would I feel any pressure?"
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"Good for you for going the extra mile."
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"Greg and I have learned that the secret to a happy marriage"
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"is being in touch with what your partner needs."
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"Let me give you a tip."
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"It's important to show your love in small ways,"
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"and sometimes very big and expensive ways."
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""No longer will your salad be held prisoner by the forces of moisture."
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"I don't buy ideas, I buy passion!"
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"read your little book report and voila, you're a millionaire?"
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"- You have no right to say that to me! - Sue, stop it."
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"I spent all night building a mock-up in my garage."
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"I sold a precious locket that my husband gave me"
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"Oh, Sue."
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"But then I invented a container out of a new space-age material called plastic."
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"The Big Burp."
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"Sue, this invention is your Big Burp."
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"Fuck him! This is mine!"
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"It's the product I need to get my company back"
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"from those pricks who pushed me out."
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"Kevin Murphy! There you are!"
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"Ah! It was her idea! Don't kill me!"
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"What was that rocking tune I heard"
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"coming out of your basement last night?"
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"You guys are sounding great!"
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"I felt that song in my balls."
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"And coming from your balls, that means a lot."
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"My main Monocles, how'd you like to play"
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"at a party I'm throwing this weekend?"
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"It'd be the kittay's tittays!"
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"Yes! We will be there and we will rock you so hard!"
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"It's for Cutie Pie's birthday!"
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"What day? Not yesterday!"
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"Cutie Pie makes my heart race. She makes me sweat a lot."
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"I freaking love that girl!"
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"I want her to have her babies, man!"
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"Hey, Kevin! What are you doing here?"
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"Oh, man, I need to lie down."
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"It's a leather rainbow!"
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"This is gonna be so rad to the max!"
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"That effigy looks like your dad."
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"Our daddy ran over a dummy once,"
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"Oh man, here comes a car!"
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"- Throw him! - Wait, no!"
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"You were gonna cause an accident! On purpose!"
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"This is not fun."
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"I don't want to be friends with you anymore."
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"Pussy."
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"God damn it. Stop ripping."
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"Wow. Sue, you look beautiful."
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"Thanks. Somebody today told me I look fat."
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"Really?"
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"Yeah, come here."
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"Does it ever fail?"
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"Leave a message at the tone."
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"Mr. and Mrs. Murphy, this is Vice Principal Eugene Menard..."
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"Christ, what the fuck did Kevin do now?"
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"...from Southwick Elementary."
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"I need you to come to the school as soon as you can"
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"So... what is it?"
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"That's wonderful!"
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"Yeah! You know, you could've just told us on the phone."
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"It was believed to make them barren."
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"Or she can never have children."
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"You think she cheated?"
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"She sat next to the only other student who got a perfect score."
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"- They're really smart. - How could you?!"
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"Aw, Christ, another kid down the drain."
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"This kind of thing never happened when I was watching the kids."
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"This is my fault? You're the one who left her family."
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"I had to work after you lost your job."
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"Not that you care about our anniversary. You forgot it."
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"If we could bring the discussion back"
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"I got a job and kept this family fed"
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"I'm pulling my weight now!"
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"I bust my ass six nights a week,"
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"You get home when I'm leaving. You leave when I get home."
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"You spend more time in that stupid truck than you do with me!"
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"Well, at least the truck doesn't judge me."
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"You told me you got that job from the Employment Office."
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"I fucking lied! Is that what you want to hear?"
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"You took money from me!"
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"Why the fuck are you hiding money from me anyways?"
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"I had to hide it so you wouldn't blow it on another fucking TV!"
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"Oh! Oh! You're gonna throw the TV in my face?"
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"I didn't hear you complaining when you"
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"were watching the Rose Bowl parade."
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"And you're busting my chops about how I got my job?"
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"Never come home, for all I care!"
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"Be with your precious truck and your rubbers!"
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"Well, if I had a rubber 15 years ago, we wouldn't be here today!"
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"I said that in the missionary position!"
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"Okay, okay, I cheated!"
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