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Clips from Workaholics - To Friend a Predator (S01E01)

"for the Penthouse penthouse."
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"Maybe that's what's up."
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"- You guys aren't dressed up to standards"
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"because of your dorky Canadian outfits."
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"- What? - Maybe that."
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"- Yeah, we're good, man. - Oh, oh, we're cool, Blake?"
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"- We're fine. - Hey, you know what, Vince?"
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"- Yes, that is what I'm saying."
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"- And let's just make tonight a tight butthole, dude."
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"- Tight butthole. - Tight butthole."
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"- Yeah. Well, you probably shouldn't say it."
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"- No, I know. I was saying-"
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"But I'm just saying, your guys' way."
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"- ORGY-"
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"Mm."
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"- Thank you, you guys."
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"To know that those Beliebers"
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"don't have to be bothered by that creep anymore,"
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"it's a huge weight off my shoulders."
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"- Yeah, I almost killed that guy."
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"It was pretty dangerous."
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"I stabbed him, like, 35 times in the face"
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"and body and neck area."
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"And then they just took him to prison."
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"He was bleeding everywhere in the cop car."
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"It was super sad. - Impressive."
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"- The streets are safe now, Jillian."
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"- Yeah. - Everything's gonna be fine."
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"You know what? We had a good time doing it."
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"- Yeah, it was great. It was a great time."
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"- Well, I'll let my little crime fighters"
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"getback to the old Superman cave."
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"But, uh, out of curiosity,"
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"what did this creep look like?"
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"- You know what? Not creepy at all."
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"Very normal. - Real hunk, actually."
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"had long blond dreadlocks."
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"He had, like, a hook for a hand-"
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"- Hey. I got lunches for you guys."
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"So, um-"
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"Hey, who's that chick right there?"
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"- Um, Jillian. Jillian, uh, Topher."
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"Topher, Jillian."
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"- Hey, what up? I'm Topher. I'm friends with the guys now."
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"- So, uh, how do you guys know each other?"
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"- Oh, we know each other- - No, we'll tell the story."
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"- 'Cause it's funny. - It's a good story."
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"We'll tell it. We'll tell it."
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"- We met- a little trick of fate-at..."
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"- Softball rehearsal. - Yeah."
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"- You guys never told me that you were in a play together."
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"- Yeah. - We're telling you now."
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"- Yeah, it was a huge- it was a success."
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"It was called Soft. . Pitch."
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"It was kind of like A League Of Their Own, but-"
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"- We're the dudes. - Yeah, we're the dudes in it."
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"Very similar. - Oh, okay."
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"- I'm Geena Davis. - Wow."
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"Did I ever tell you guys about my brief stint"
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"as a flying monkey in Wicked"
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"at the Toledo Repertory Theater Company?"
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"- No, you didn't tell us that. - No?"
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"Okay, well, I'll tell you in great detail."
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"They called me "harness bitch" the entire time,"
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"which was cool and weird,"
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"so I was a little bit 50/50 on it."
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"Oh, shoot. I got to get that."
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"- Shucks."
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"- Right in the middle of the good parts."
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"- Man. - Oh."
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"- That was funny."
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"- All right, Topher, you know what?"
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"You cannot be here, man,"
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"because that girl is, like, the main reason"
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"we To Catch A Predator-ed you."
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"- Hey, you guys know you have"
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"a really Victorian attitude towards sex."
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"What do you think that the '60s was all about, dude?"
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"- Civil rights?"
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"- Yeah, exactly, civil rights, dude."
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"Man, I'm sick of getting persecuted and judged"
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"for being a sexual maven, man."
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"I'm not gonna stand for that anymore, man."
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"- Okay, yeah, all right. Let's try an experiment."
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"- 10 to 12. - Okay."
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"But what's the closest thing..."
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"to a ten-year-old boy?"
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"They're legal. They're female."
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"They're flexible as hell."
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"- Right? I mean, it's perfect. They're, like, 90 pounds."
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"- Plus, they don't menstruate."
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"- Yeah, and you're not even the creepiest guy here."
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"Check out this dude."
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"I will quickly get busy in that foam pit"
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"with all of them."
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"- I guess they're okay, like, from the back."
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"We're gonna hook you up like you hooked us up, bud."
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"Let's do this. - Let's do this."
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"- No way. - Oh, yeah."
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"- Hello, ladies."
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"- HEY- - HEY-"
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"- Ders. Wow, that was rude. I'm sorry."
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"I don't think you're short at all."
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"And our friend over there"
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"- Seriously'? - Mm-hmm."
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"- 'Sup?"
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"He's, uh- he's actually single"
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"and looking for an adult relationship"
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"with a-another adult."
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"- And if he doesn't choose one of you,"
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"I'm also single."
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"So if you guys wanted to hang out,"
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"I can touch my toes- pretty flexible."
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"- Okay. Down, boy!"
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"'cause, uh“."
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"Where did he go?"
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"The boys' locker room. Really'?"
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"- How could you bail on that little Sporty Spice, dude?"
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"We had an experiment."
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"Look, check it out."
Workaholics
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