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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis (S02E02)

"No, because we don't celebrate the ancient pagan festival of Saturnalia."
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"Saturnalia?"
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"In the pre-Christian era, as the winter solstice approached and the plants died..."
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"...pagans brought evergreen boughs in their homes as an act of sympathetic magic..."
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"This custom was appropriated by northern Europeans..."
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"Okay, well, thank you for that. I got you and Leonard silly neighbor gifts..."
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"- ...so I'll just put them under my tree. - Wait."
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"- You bought me a present? - Uh-huh."
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"...but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity."
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"You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation."
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"It's okay. You don't have to get me anything."
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"Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go and purchase..."
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"...a gift of commensurate value and representing the same level of friendship..."
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"...as that represented by the gift you've given me."
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"It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year."
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"Okay, forget it, I'm not giving you a present."
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"No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says "To Sheldon.""
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"I know. It's funny when it's not happening to us."
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"...by being such an endearing and important part of your life."
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"I'm going to need a ride to the mall."
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"It's happening to us."
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"Ow. Ow."
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"- Are you gonna make it? - Yeah, I guess."
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"- No problem. - I had no idea it was so heavy."
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"Thing just fell right over on me, didn't it? Heh."
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"Yeah. Lucky for you it wasn't moving."
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"Oh, my God. How fast were you going?"
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"I don't know. It was all such a blur."
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"- Hi. Dave. - Hi. Penny. So it's your motorcycle?"
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"- Uh-huh. - Oh. Is it okay?"
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"- Mind giving me a hand with Speed Racer? - Oh, yeah. Sure."
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"So, um, Dave, how do you know Leonard?"
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"- I'm a physicist. - Ha, ha. No, you're not."
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"Well, it's just that the physicists I know are indoors-y and pale."
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"I just wear the appropriate sun block because I don't take melanoma lightly."
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"So are you and Leonard working on an experiment together?"
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"- Yeah, we are. - We're examining the radiation levels..."
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"Sweetie, sweetie, Dave was talking."
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"You know, I love science."
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"- Since when? - Since always."
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"Call me a geek, but I am just nuts for the whole subatomic-particle thing."
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"The last thing I would ever call you is a geek."
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"Oh, well, that's what I am. Queen of the nerds."
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"We've got some cool toys, you know. Lasers and stuff."
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"You know, I have always wanted to see a big science lab."
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"Leonard, are you okay here?"
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"- Yeah, I guess. - How about we go see it now?"
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"Afterwards, we take the bike up the coast, we grab a bite to eat?"
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"Boy, she'll do, huh?"
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"- No, just neighbors. - Really?"
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"I don't know how you live next door to that without doing something about it."
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"- See you tomorrow, Leonard. - See you."
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"Bye, Penny. Have fun."
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"Well, I don't see anything in here a woman would want."
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"You're kidding. You've got lotions and bath oils and soaps."
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"That's the estrogen hat trick."
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"It's as if my head were trapped in the pajamas of a sultan."
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"Sheldon, if you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear."
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"I told you before, bears are terrifying."
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"You got a scented candle, a cleansing buff."
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"That presupposes Penny is tense."
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"She knows you. She's tense. We all are. Buy a basket."
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"- Excuse me, we're ready. - No, we're not."
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"Let's say for a moment that I accept the bath-item-gift hypothesis."
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"I have insufficient data to proceed."
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"- Excuse me, miss? - Yes?"
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"...based on that action alone and no other data..."
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"...infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us."
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"Excuse me?"
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"Here."
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"Now are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers?"
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"Are you my grandmother?"
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"Oh, hey, Dave. And Penny. What a surprise."
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"Hey, Leonard. Dave was showing me around the university."
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"Yeah, I know. I've been offering to show you around for a year and a half."
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"You always said you had yoga."
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"This is an amazing woman, Leonard. She has a curious and agile mind."
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"- Really? We're gonna do an experiment? - Uh-huh."
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"We're gonna explore the effects of tequila shots on a gorgeous 22-year-old woman."
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"- You ready to go? - Yeah."
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"- Oh, my God. - No, that's good. That's funny."
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"By the way, my leg is killing me. Thanks for asking."
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"Mm. Great news, Leonard. I've solved my Penny gift dilemma."
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"Yippee."
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"You see, the danger was that I might under- or over-reciprocate..."
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"...but I have devised a foolproof plan."
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"Then I'll look up the price of her gift online..."
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"...choose the basket closest to that value, give it to her..."
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"It is, isn't it?"
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"Is it okay if I hide them in your room?"
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"The smell makes me nauseated."
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"- Do whatever you want. - Thank you. That's very gracious."
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"Gentlemen?"
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"...and get Penny a new boyfriend?"
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"My leg is killing me. Thanks for asking."
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"Okay, I have just one question for you."
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"While I am perfectly happy with the way things are..."
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"...you said that you didn't wanna go out with me because I was too smart for you."
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"Well, news flash, lady: David Underhill is 10 times smarter than me."
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"Next to him, I'm one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes."
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"Dave is not smarter than you. He's an idiot."
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"Really? Why would you say that?"
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"Because a smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone..."
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"...before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend."
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"The guy is married."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"I'm sor-- Oh, that's terrible."
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"The important thing is he's married and that's terrible."
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"Nice save, genius."
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"- Eggnog? - Lactose."
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"It's just rum. It stopped being eggnog, like, a half an hour ago."
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"Okay."
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"Merry Christmas."
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"By the way, my leg is killing me. Thanks for asking."
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"- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas."
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"Oh, good, Penny, you're here to exchange gifts."
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"Okay. Here."
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"I should note, I'm having some digestive distress..."
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"...so if I excuse myself abruptly, don't be alarmed."
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""To Sheldon. Live long and prosper."
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