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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Chocolate Milk (S02E02)

TV Series 2013–2021 Season 2, Episode 2 22 min ★ 8.4/10 (426,689 ratings) 479 clips
Crime Comedy
Thanks, Doctor.
"Thanks, Doctor."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Hey, there, Sarge. Not to pry, but I couldn't help but overhear
"Hey, there, Sarge. Not to pry, but I couldn't help but overhear"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I got snipped.
"I got snipped."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Trunk to skunk?
"Trunk to skunk?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
And you should never snip its wings.
"And you should never snip its wings."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Anybody else? This is your last chance.
"Anybody else? This is your last chance."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Sergeant, is this going to go on your "spermanent" record?
"Sergeant, is this going to go on your "spermanent" record?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Hey, Sarge, great news.
"Hey, Sarge, great news."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Sorry, the stabbing part is bad.
"Sorry, the stabbing part is bad."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
But here's the dope part.
"But here's the dope part."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
The guy survived and he owns a chocolate milk restaurant.
"The guy survived and he owns a chocolate milk restaurant."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I know, right? Finally, a dumb Brooklyn hipster
"I know, right? Finally, a dumb Brooklyn hipster"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Want to hop on the case with me?
"Want to hop on the case with me?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
because my wife's out of town with the girls.
"because my wife's out of town with the girls."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Sarge, I'm every kind of friend.
"Sarge, I'm every kind of friend."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler,
"I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
to the penis removal of the century.
"to the penis removal of the century."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
What? When?
"What? When?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Feels like they're just being weird using numbers instead of letters.
"Feels like they're just being weird using numbers instead of letters."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
No offense, but you are something of a teacher's pet.
"No offense, but you are something of a teacher's pet."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
by Deputy Chief Brandt. We have a good rapport.
"by Deputy Chief Brandt. We have a good rapport."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
He was once my Captain.
"He was once my Captain."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
That is amazingly funny.
"That is amazingly funny."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Well, I was closing up at around 11:00.
"Well, I was closing up at around 11:00."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I heard the door open.
"I heard the door open."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Like, like, right here.
"Like, like, right here."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
because I banned him from my 'straunt.
"because I banned him from my 'straunt."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Here. Try this.
"Here. Try this."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
All right.
"All right."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Okay. I will figure something out.
"Okay. I will figure something out."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I know. Maybe if I pay my neighbor, JoAnn,
"I know. Maybe if I pay my neighbor, JoAnn,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Captain Wuntch. Good to see you.
"Captain Wuntch. Good to see you."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
It's Deputy Chief Wuntch now.
"It's Deputy Chief Wuntch now."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
And now, I'm here to evaluate you.
"And now, I'm here to evaluate you."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
He's on a lot of medication.
"He's on a lot of medication."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
None.
"None."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Ah, he needs to smoke some weed.
"Ah, he needs to smoke some weed."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Dude, your head is so small.
"Dude, your head is so small."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
No, no, it's so small!
"No, no, it's so small!"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Uh-oh. Walk of shame. Same clothes as yesterday.
"Uh-oh. Walk of shame. Same clothes as yesterday."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Come here, phone.
"Come here, phone."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Did I do this and call you Tiny Head?
"Did I do this and call you Tiny Head?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Oh, that's great.
"Oh, that's great."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Jake, I am so scared that man is about to make a huge mistake,
"Jake, I am so scared that man is about to make a huge mistake,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
RE, his vas deferens.
"RE, his vas deferens."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Sorry, Terry turned my spine into a loose stack of pebbles.
"Sorry, Terry turned my spine into a loose stack of pebbles."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Two-toned graphs? You think you can distract me
"Two-toned graphs? You think you can distract me"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Same old Ray Holt. All sizzle, no steak.
"Same old Ray Holt. All sizzle, no steak."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Looks like we both want that stapler.
"Looks like we both want that stapler."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
So, when did it all go south?
"So, when did it all go south?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
1989. I was up for a big promotion,
"1989. I was up for a big promotion,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Madeline.
"Madeline."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
He thinks I stabbed him? That's crazy.
"He thinks I stabbed him? That's crazy."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
and have a couple beers.
"and have a couple beers."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Also, there's a, uh, pilates studio with a huge window
"Also, there's a, uh, pilates studio with a huge window"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
So, it's a pretty sweet view.
"So, it's a pretty sweet view."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I guess that's not as bad as stabbing someone?
"I guess that's not as bad as stabbing someone?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
puked on a statue, went to bed.
"puked on a statue, went to bed."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
cancel your vasectomy, grab some drinks, laugh about the time
"cancel your vasectomy, grab some drinks, laugh about the time"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
you almost got a vasectomy.
"you almost got a vasectomy."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
now that we're knocking boots.
"now that we're knocking boots."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
does not mean we are friends.
"does not mean we are friends."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Oh, I don't go there.
"Oh, I don't go there."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Well, thank you for your time.
"Well, thank you for your time."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
who accepts same day walk-ins.
"who accepts same day walk-ins."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I am so sorry.
"I am so sorry."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
He's walking out. Just like your father did.
"He's walking out. Just like your father did."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Look, I'm sorry, okay? But the things you said when you were
"Look, I'm sorry, okay? But the things you said when you were"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
whacked out were real. You made me promise. And as your friend...
"whacked out were real. You made me promise. And as your friend..."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Not good enough. Prepare to be physically overpowered by a friend-friend.
"Not good enough. Prepare to be physically overpowered by a friend-friend."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Concede defeat, sir! You have been conquered.
"Concede defeat, sir! You have been conquered."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Where'd you get this?
"Where'd you get this?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
And then, when you wouldn't stop, they just gave it to you?
"And then, when you wouldn't stop, they just gave it to you?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
because of the night before.
"because of the night before."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
But she didn't.
"But she didn't."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Yeah, because you shot me.
"Yeah, because you shot me."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
What if there had been a mole?
"What if there had been a mole?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
go to Jamaica all the time. The theme of their party is
"go to Jamaica all the time. The theme of their party is"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"Jamaican Me Marry You". So good.
""Jamaican Me Marry You". So good."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I think we both know it hasn't.
"I think we both know it hasn't."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
We do. Fair enough.
"We do. Fair enough."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I tried to stop Sarge from getting his tubes tied.
"I tried to stop Sarge from getting his tubes tied."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
But he somehow managed to sneak off to the hospital.
"But he somehow managed to sneak off to the hospital."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I had this sweater, and it was a work sweater
"I had this sweater, and it was a work sweater"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I'm sorry about your precious grade, Santiago, but this isn't about you.
"I'm sorry about your precious grade, Santiago, but this isn't about you."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I attempted to cajole her, but she rebuffed me.
"I attempted to cajole her, but she rebuffed me."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Look, I'm not trying to talk you out of anything.
"Look, I'm not trying to talk you out of anything."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
and to prove to you, once and for all,
"and to prove to you, once and for all,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
that I'm more than just a work friend.
"that I'm more than just a work friend."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
See you on the other side.
"See you on the other side."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
That's not a good sign.
"That's not a good sign."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
in a Jamaican torture chamber with you.
"in a Jamaican torture chamber with you."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
We're going to go to this terrible party.
"We're going to go to this terrible party."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Sebastian from The Little Mermaid.
"Sebastian from The Little Mermaid."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Also, tomorrow, I'm going to help you find a new apartment.
"Also, tomorrow, I'm going to help you find a new apartment."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Here we go.
"Here we go."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Jake, I have to tell you something.
"Jake, I have to tell you something."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Oh, boy.
"Oh, boy."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I know that's scientifically wrong, but thanks, Sarge.
"I know that's scientifically wrong, but thanks, Sarge."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
You're a huggy, good...
"You're a huggy, good..."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Wait! ...friend.
"Wait! ...friend."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
There's still so much I have to say to you.
"There's still so much I have to say to you."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
And?
"And?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
The Derek Jeter thing was my fault.
"The Derek Jeter thing was my fault."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
No, you were right. This is the best job I've ever had,
"No, you were right. This is the best job I've ever had,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Oh, my God. You really shouldn't have.
"Oh, my God. You really shouldn't have."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
An "A".
"An "A"."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thank you.
"Thank you."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Just curious, does your system have pluses in it?
"Just curious, does your system have pluses in it?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
you're going to the doctor? Everything okay?
"you're going to the doctor? Everything okay?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I'm getting a vasectomy.
"I'm getting a vasectomy."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
My ears are burning.
"My ears are burning."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Did someone say "vasectomy"?
"Did someone say "vasectomy"?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
It's not supposed to.
"It's not supposed to."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Hold it up. You're going to let some quack doctor just knife around down there?
"Hold it up. You're going to let some quack doctor just knife around down there?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
You were blessed with a great power.
"You were blessed with a great power."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thanks, guys, that's enough. I don't need any more input.
"Thanks, guys, that's enough. I don't need any more input."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Neither does your wife, I guess.
"Neither does your wife, I guess."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Look, you guys, if the Sergeant wants to chop off his penis,
"Look, you guys, if the Sergeant wants to chop off his penis,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
that is his choice.
"that is his choice."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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