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Clips from New Girl - Control (S01E01)

"What do you wanna do, die?"
New Girl
"We have enough ketchup."
New Girl
"Next, please."
New Girl
"Hey, how are you doing, sir? We only have $100, Gary."
New Girl
"So could you stop when we hit a hundred?"
New Girl
"Yeah, you gotta include tax too, so like, 93, just... Pfft. Cool?"
New Girl
"Okay, guys."
New Girl
"I'm gonna put my stuff at the front. You don't know how to shop."
New Girl
"- Ketchup. Are you kidding me? - We have enough ketchup."
New Girl
"- You're too good for regular salt? - I've gotta soak my trick foot."
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"Oh, Winnie, your little trick foot."
New Girl
"Yeah, my trick foot, and don't call me "Winnie.""
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"Oh, Winnie."
New Girl
"Fine. You don't owe me anything. Slate is clean. We're even."
New Girl
"- Good, that's how I feel too. - In my mind, your mom..."
New Girl
"will be the winner of best boobs."
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"- Really? Best boobs? - Yeah. Master's division."
New Girl
"You're gonna talk about my mom's boobs?"
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"- You gonna go there? - Don't push me in a supermarket."
New Girl
"You started this."
New Girl
"Did you just slap me?"
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"No, I did not. I don't know what you're talking about."
New Girl
"I'm not afraid of you, man."
New Girl
"Don't act so..."
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"Grow up, dude!"
New Girl
"Hey, Schmidt."
New Girl
"Oh, hello, Jess."
New Girl
"- Hey. - What are you doing out here?"
New Girl
"Just checking up on you."
New Girl
"Oh, I see you're eating street meat wrapped in street meat."
New Girl
"This is my man, Gordon."
New Girl
"You've outdone yourself once again, Gordon. Excellent."
New Girl
"- Did you go to work today? - No. No work."
New Girl
"- I haven't been there in a while. - How long?"
New Girl
"Three days."
New Girl
"Schmidt, I made a mistake in bringing you down here."
New Girl
"I shouldn't have done that."
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"Please come home."
New Girl
"Why?"
New Girl
"So I can cook and clean?"
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"So I can show you where the vacuum is?"
New Girl
"All right."
New Girl
"Okay, fine, I don't know where the vacuum is."
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"That is one reason why I came here. But I really wanted you to come home."
New Girl
"Everything's falling apart without you."
New Girl
"Nick and Winston are fighting all the time..."
New Girl
"and all of us lost our keys to the mailbox."
New Girl
"Schmidt, just listen to me because you don't belong here, like, really."
New Girl
"You remember when you got yourself off to An Inconvenient Truth?"
New Girl
"You remember when you said..."
New Girl
"jazz music was America's greatest mistake?"
New Girl
"Say it in drums, Jessica Day."
New Girl
"Mi hablo drums."
New Girl
"Hey, man, I got the last frozen thing."
New Girl
"I was gonna ice my wrist, but..."
New Girl
"How about this?"
New Girl
"Take half, pal."
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"So kind of you."
New Girl
"- That hurts, man. - Ahh."
New Girl
"I am so hungry. Remember those things Schmidt used to make us..."
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"with the peanut butter..."
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"and the raisins on the celery? What were those called?"
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"- Ants on a log. - Ants on a log."
New Girl
"I just got why they're called ants on a log."
New Girl
"Looks like ants on a log. I'm hungry, man."
New Girl
"Hey, Schmidt, is that you, buddy?"
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"No, it's me."
New Girl
"- What happened to you? - I went down to the beach."
New Girl
"And I tried to talk to Schmidt..."
New Girl
"but he just ignored me and he went back to twirling his fire baton."
New Girl
"He's really bad. He burned a lot of people."
New Girl
"They should let you twirl it around a few times before they actually light it on fire."
New Girl
"Well, look, Jess, being friends with Schmidt is really complicated."
New Girl
"Because you want to change him so badly, but you can't..."
New Girl
"because he'll just get worse."
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"You guys were right. I upset the ecosystem."
New Girl
"This is not what I wanted."
New Girl
"I just wanted to put my hutch here."
New Girl
"Make the place my own. Be a part of the family."
New Girl
"- What family? With these clowns? - Yeah. You clowns."
New Girl
"Well, look, you want in? You're in. Congratulations."
New Girl
"Welcome to the family, Jess."
New Girl
"Aw."
New Girl
"We don't "aw" in this family."
New Girl
"- Hey, guys. - Hey, Schmidt, um..."
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"We need to talk."
New Girl
"Something not cool?"
New Girl
"Schmidt, we miss you."
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"- You just want me to clean. - No, that's not true."
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"It's a little bit true."
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"- Okay, look. - I want you to clean."
New Girl
"We're so proud of you for letting go and relaxing..."
New Girl
"but this isn't like you. You can run away from your problems..."
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"but you're just gonna find new ones that pop up, like hepatitis."
New Girl
"And Nick and Winston..."
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"want to say to you that they really miss you."
New Girl
"You're freaking me out. That crystal around your neck."
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"Nick, the crystal symbolizes energy."
New Girl
"All that crystal is is rock poo, Schmidt."
New Girl
"Look, I need you, Schmidt."
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"Okay? I need you to tell me what pants not to wear."
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"And to exercise more. I need you to make fun of me..."
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"when I call a panini a hot sandwich. How am I ever gonna learn?"
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"I even miss your hair chutney."
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"Without you, man, we're just three idiots who live together."
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"You make us a family."
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"Well, I'm the cool rebel brother."
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"- You're the mom. - The mother."
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"Look, Schmidt, if you come back to us..."
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"I'll let you clean my room."
New Girl
"The white whale?"
New Girl
"Think about how many dust bunnies are under my bed, how many stray socks."
New Girl
"- Hey, Schmidt, I got you something. - Is that a boutique box?"
New Girl
"A pair of grey, shiny, twill, flat-front trousers..."
New Girl
"designed by a man named Calvin. Never been tried on."
New Girl
"Pockets are sewn shut."
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"Don't you just want to get your thumbs in there and rip?"
New Girl
"Okay, so I'm just going to leave this on your bongo drum..."
New Girl
"and you can, you know..."
New Girl
"give them a whirl if you feel like it."
New Girl
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