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Clips from Family Guy(1999) - The Unkindest Cut (S16E16)

"As a result, I've rediscovered an old hobby"
Family Guy(1999)
"I used to love as a kid: ventriloquism."
Family Guy(1999)
"And I wanted to invite you guys to the opening"
Family Guy(1999)
"of my new show at the Quahog Playhouse."
Family Guy(1999)
"Quagmire, we'd be delighted to attend. Wouldn't miss it."
Family Guy(1999)
"Gosh, thanks, Peter. That means a lot."
Family Guy(1999)
"Okay, see you there."
Family Guy(1999)
"Ugh!"
Family Guy(1999)
"Getting excited."
Family Guy(1999)
"Now I got to go to this thing! Ugh! Bite me!"
Family Guy(1999)
"Laughing already just thinking about it."
Family Guy(1999)
"Only one way to get out of this!"
Family Guy(1999)
"Oh, I'm so glad Quagmire's back on his feet again."
Family Guy(1999)
"God, this is gonna be torture."
Family Guy(1999)
"Break a leg."
Family Guy(1999)
"Oh, hello."
Family Guy(1999)
"I didn't realize the curtain was up."
Family Guy(1999)
"And people think I'm the dummy."
Family Guy(1999)
"How is that doll talking?!"
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm Glenn, and this is Edgar."
Family Guy(1999)
"What a great crowd, huh, Edgar? This is gonna be a fun night."
Family Guy(1999)
"You call this fun?"
Family Guy(1999)
"You're talking to a wooden doll to make up for the fact"
Family Guy(1999)
"that you can't have sex anymore."
Family Guy(1999)
"Come on, come on, Edgar."
Family Guy(1999)
"Besides, if you've got all the answers, what do you suggest?"
Family Guy(1999)
"Blow your [BLEEP] brains out in front of all these people."
Family Guy(1999)
"Is this, is this real?"
Family Guy(1999)
"Oh, c-come on, Edgar."
Family Guy(1999)
"I-I got a lot to live for according to everybody."
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm not gonna kill myself."
Family Guy(1999)
"Well, then, maybe I can help."
Family Guy(1999)
"Quagmire, no!"
Family Guy(1999)
"Oh, God, Peter's here. I so don't want to talk to him."
Family Guy(1999)
"Hey, buddy. We got to catch up."
Family Guy(1999)
"Well, Edgar, if you think that would be best."
Family Guy(1999)
"Yes, you'll be out of your misery."
Family Guy(1999)
"Quagmire, have you lost your mind?!"
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm holding this gun until you start thinking straight."
Family Guy(1999)
"Use it on yourself, Joe."
Family Guy(1999)
"There's more than one bullet in here, Joe."
Family Guy(1999)
"Yeah, on second thought, maybe you should hold this, Cleveland."
Family Guy(1999)
"Are you really gonna just sit there"
Family Guy(1999)
"after all the crap white people have given you your whole life?"
Family Guy(1999)
"You know, maybe you should hold this, Peter."
Family Guy(1999)
"Peter, you could get free tacos with me."
Family Guy(1999)
"Quagmire, why the hell would you want to kill yourself?"
Family Guy(1999)
"Yeah, who ever heard of a depressed ventriloquist?"
Family Guy(1999)
"You want to know why? Because I can't do this anymore."
Family Guy(1999)
"My life is over."
Family Guy(1999)
"I tried to adjust, but it's impossible."
Family Guy(1999)
"Come on, Quagmire, it's not impossible."
Family Guy(1999)
"You want impossible, try eating local pizza"
Family Guy(1999)
"with a guy from New York."
Family Guy(1999)
"You call this pizza?"
Family Guy(1999)
"We do here, yes."
Family Guy(1999)
"All right, Brian, I negotiated to get Mort"
Family Guy(1999)
"I told them Mort gave us his flash drive"
Family Guy(1999)
"with enough evidence to put them all in jail."
Family Guy(1999)
"We're going to trade it for Mort and collect our money."
Family Guy(1999)
"And I also ordered an extra slice of pie."
Family Guy(1999)
"Because you know how many times we live, Brian?"
Family Guy(1999)
"Once."
Family Guy(1999)
"Once."
Family Guy(1999)
"- Hey, Dad. - I'm so sorry, Glenn."
Family Guy(1999)
"I can support his lifestyle"
Family Guy(1999)
"and still think it's weird!"
Family Guy(1999)
"- Thank you, Cleveland. - Have a blessed day!"
Family Guy(1999)
"Believe me, Glenn, I know what you're going through."
Family Guy(1999)
"No, you don't."
Family Guy(1999)
"You had yours surgically removed in a hospital."
Family Guy(1999)
"I had mine bitten off by a shark!"
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm not allowed to go into the ocean anymore."
Family Guy(1999)
"I also have Crohn's disease."
Family Guy(1999)
"They're unrelated."
Family Guy(1999)
"Why are you here, Dad?"
Family Guy(1999)
"I knew you were down in the dumps,"
Family Guy(1999)
"so I brought you something to cheer you up."
Family Guy(1999)
"A Yeti cooler?"
Family Guy(1999)
"- That is kind of rad. - No, that's mine."
Family Guy(1999)
"Your gift is inside."
Family Guy(1999)
"Is that your...?"
Family Guy(1999)
"Yes, Glenn. It's my penis."
Family Guy(1999)
"After my surgery, I kept it in my freezer."
Family Guy(1999)
"I want you to have it."
Family Guy(1999)
"I... I can't take your penis, Dad."
Family Guy(1999)
"Please, take it."
Family Guy(1999)
"If you don't, I'm just gonna give it to Paul Ryan."
Family Guy(1999)
"I don't know what to say."
Family Guy(1999)
"Thank you."
Family Guy(1999)
"Weird."
Family Guy(1999)
"Proud of you guys, but weird."
Family Guy(1999)
"Okay, has everyone washed their hands?"
Family Guy(1999)
"Me neither, but going forward, let's try."
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm so nervous for Quagmire."
Family Guy(1999)
"I know, but it's nice that they served hot dogs for the surgery."
Family Guy(1999)
"There it is! Give me that!"
Family Guy(1999)
"The operation was a success."
Family Guy(1999)
"- Congratulations, Quagmire! - Thanks, guys."
Family Guy(1999)
"And, Dad, I don't know how to thank you."
Family Guy(1999)
"You've given me the greatest gift I could ever ask for."
Family Guy(1999)
"- I love you, son. - I love you, too."
Family Guy(1999)
"- So, will it work, Dr. Hartman? - Oh, yes."
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm not sure about urination or sex, but otherwise, yes."
Family Guy(1999)
"So, how you feeling?"
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm actually in extreme pain, Doc."
Family Guy(1999)
"It's like knives are stabbing into my crotch."
Family Guy(1999)
"Don't worry, that'll go away"
Family Guy(1999)
"once you fill your prescription at Goldman's Pharmacy."
Family Guy(1999)
"- Mort's is closed. - Oh. Oh, yeah."
Family Guy(1999)
"Cool tie-in with the other story, though."
Family Guy(1999)
"I'm trying to get more involved in the writing this season."
Family Guy(1999)
"In fact, I think Family Guy should be more of a dramedy."
Family Guy(1999)
"- What's a dramedy? - Well, for one thing,"
Family Guy(1999)
"the scenes don't have to end with jokes."
Family Guy(1999)
"- You got the flash drive? - Yep."
Family Guy(1999)
"All the information that could put you away forever."
Family Guy(1999)
"Now, again, I don't know why we couldn't"
Family Guy(1999)
"have done this by Dropbox."
Family Guy(1999)
"I mean, I don't mind coming here to a parking lot..."
Family Guy(1999)
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