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Clips from Broad City - Witches (S04E04)

"I found a gray hair and then I ran into an ex of mine today,"
Broad City
"'Cause I actually really like the way that I look, you know?"
Broad City
"I think I'm really hot."
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"But thank you so much. You've been so kind to me."
Broad City
"Um..."
Broad City
"I think you're really beautiful."
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"(LAUGHING)"
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"(SIGHS)"
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"You lost a lot of fluids during that humongous orgasm."
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"It's mostly weed, a little ginger and some cumin."
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"I think I'm gonna cume again."
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"(SHIVERING)"
Broad City
"(BLEEP)-related pussy constipation."
Broad City
"I hate to 'gaz and dash,"
Broad City
"but I want to go tell Abbi what "Abbi" accomplished today."
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"Oh! Ooh, it's happening again!"
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"It's gonna be a big one!"
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"I'm gonna have to get these rugs cleaned."
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"- (CHUCKLING) Oh, Abbi? - Ilana?"
Broad City
"Well, I ran into Jeremy and he's, like, married now."
Broad City
"And then there was this dermatologist"
Broad City
"and she looked like she was in her twenties,"
Broad City
"- but she was, like, in her fifties. - Hot."
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"And then I just felt like it's cooler to be,"
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"but then as the Botox was being injected into my face,"
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"Botox? Abbi, what?"
Broad City
""Dear Young Abbi,"
Broad City
""at the start of the winter solstice tonight,"
Broad City
""come into the thicket of the park."
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""You'll know when you've arrived.""
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"- (EXHALES) - Are you all right?"
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"I'm phenomenal."
Broad City
"So my pussy hadn't popped since the election."
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"She tapped me into this ferocious female current"
Broad City
"that is just constantly zip-zap-zoppin'"
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"It was just the most incredible thing."
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"I saw shit, man."
Broad City
"Witches who run the world."
Broad City
"- Yes. - They're fucking women who cum"
Broad City
"Dude, I don't know why I ever doubted you. I'm in."
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"(WOMEN LAUGHING AND HOWLING IN DISTANCE)"
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"I think it's this way."
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"I've never seen this part of the park before."
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"- What the frig? - (LAUGHING)"
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"BETTY: Ah."
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"ILANA: (GASPS) Betty!"
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"MARGO: Young Abbi!"
Broad City
"Maybe we really are witches."
Broad City
"- Join us. - Oh, my God."
Broad City
"Margo, you are just..."
Broad City
"Uh, you know what?"
Broad City
"I gotta go see about a girl."
Broad City
"Please."
Broad City
"(CHANTING)"
Broad City
"Hey, Ilana."
Broad City
"(HOWLING AND SHOUTING CONTINUES)"
Broad City
"Thank you so much for buying me the heater."
Broad City
"Of course, dude. Witches have to have each other's backs."
Broad City
"What are you gonna do now that you know you have magical powers?"
Broad City
"It is so bananas (LAUGHING) That you got Botox."
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"I would get it if I wanted it at some point in my life."
Broad City
"Exactly. I also heard about this thing where you can freeze your butt."
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"it makes it really hard and shiny and grippable."
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"Like a bowling ball, baby, yes."
Broad City
"'Cause it's just, like, the one gray, right?"
Broad City
"Oh, yeah, just the one. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)"
Broad City
"Cool."
Broad City
"Well, you can have it if you want it."
Broad City
"Don't you see? You're becoming a witch."
Broad City
"Like Dame Judi Dench."
Broad City
"can get the fuck out so I can jerk off real quick."
Broad City
"I'm okay."
Broad City
"Uh, yes, please."
Broad City
"That Margo's a mighty witch."
Broad City
"Is this, um, pre, pre-war, or... Yeah."
Broad City
"Orgasms have been down 140% since (BLEEP) was elected."
Broad City
"(CHUCKLING) Yeah, okay, I see."
Broad City
"I think I'm just... Broken."
Broad City
"They start in your mind."
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"I'm going back in."
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"He adopted us."
Broad City
"Wow."
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"Nice cards."
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"Oh, my God, that's a great idea."
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"Mike Pence!"
Broad City
"You are powerful."
Broad City
"- You are woman. - Yes."
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"Yes."
Broad City
"And you know what?"
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"(LAUGHING) Yes!"
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"- Dude. - Dude."
Broad City
"and I bazinga'd."
Broad City
"And that's why everybody wants to set 'em on fire,"
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"This is, like, The Crucible and The Witches of Eastwick,"
Broad City
"Ilana..."
Broad City
"Of course we are. We're gigantic, humongous witches. (LAUGHS)"
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"(WOMEN HOWLING)"
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"Well, I think I'm gonna whip up a spell to get a job."
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"But to be for real, I'm like,"
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"- They do that? - Apparently,"
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"I can finally feel my toes."
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"I guess it is lunchtime."
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"I won. I won."
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"Then why aren't I coming yesterday?"
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"Totally reasonable."
Broad City
"(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Oh, my God!"
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"(LAUGHING CONTINUES)"
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"Good call."
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"Yeah, it is."
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"So what are you doing back there?"
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"Hey."
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"- Ugh! - It's been horrible for everyone."
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"Uh, how much do you want for all of these?"
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"You've got a lot of orgasming to do after a year of"
Broad City
"- Hey. - Would you like a hit of some soup?"
Broad City
"Stay warm. Good to see you."
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"When they go low, we go high."
Broad City
"Ew, Ilana, chill."
Broad City
"You're ascending."
Broad City
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