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Clips from 30 Rock - Gentleman's Intermission (S05E05)

"Dad, you don't have to say your name every time."
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"Telephone etiquette is important, Liz."
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"It lets people know your race even when they can't see you."
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"Anyway, you got a busy week?"
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"Not really. I was gonna take a class called "Cooking for One","
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"Well, what about a visit?"
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"Really? That would be great!"
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"With you and Mom here, the doormen will have to eat their words"
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"about me never having friends over!"
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"Well, it'll just be me this time, Elizabeth. Your mother isn't coming."
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"What? You and Mom always travel together."
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"Well, she's not coming this time."
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"Can't a guy have a little fun?"
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"What is wrong with you?"
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"What's wrong with you?"
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"What the... what?"
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"Tracy Jordan, star of the "Fat Bitch" movies,"
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"was also voted Worst Representation of a Black Man"
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"9 years in a row."
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"Diabetes. Thank God I didn't... anybody."
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"And giving the Queen parvo..."
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"This is terrible!"
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"That's how my grandkids will remember me"
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"Well, it's not fair out of context."
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"Her Highness was sending signals..."
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"It doesn't matter. That's how the world sees me."
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"As some idiot millionaire!"
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"Who, Mark Cuban?"
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"That guy ran me over with a jet ski!"
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"What is he so upset about?"
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"It's my fault."
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"I let Mr. Jordan see his obituary..."
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"He's dying?"
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"Fine, I'll sing at his funeral."
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"No, Ma'am, NBC News makes celebrity obituaries ahead of time."
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"Typical liberal media."
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"They do? Well, then, I need to see mine."
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"My Dad just called and..."
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"Lemon, I'm sorry."
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"What? Why?"
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"She's going to be my wife someday, and, understandably,"
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"the nature of our relationship is a little confusing to her."
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"Bacause I am so very sessual."
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"And maybe Avery is a little emotional these days."
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"She's put on considerable boob weight."
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"She's not used to that and sometimes she just falls over."
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"But she might have a point about us."
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"Maybe it isn't appropriate"
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"Great. Fine."
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"I'll solve my own problems."
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"I'm Jenna Maroney."
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"But you're not on the list."
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"They only make obits for people they think are, you know, important..."
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"Like who?"
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""Kim Jong-lll"? I never heard of her."
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"I should be on here!"
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"Sir, I have dreamed of this moment."
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"But my fear is that you don't have enough ambition."
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"The drive to deserve my mentorship."
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"My attorney is waiting in his office."
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"my pinky."
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"No, sir!"
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"Then you wouldn't be perfect anymore!"
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"Exactly. I knew that you wouldn't..."
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"No, watch! I'll cut off my pinky!"
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"- And tell him it's yours! - Jonathan."
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"Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?"
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"I don't need my glasses."
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"And this is an Edward Hardy shirt."
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"A very hip Latino-sounding blur at Mervyn's said I looked good in it."
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"You're traveling alone,"
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"you show up here looking like you've been on spring break for 300 years,"
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"and earlier,"
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"Dad, look at me. What is going on?"
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"A break? After 45 years?"
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"Honey, it's complicated. We're having problems."
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"Does Mom know you're having problems?"
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"'Cause she thinks you're at the doctor."
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"Your mother and I don't laugh like we used to."
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"I don't know what happened."
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"Where has my best friend gone?"
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"Ugh! What are you talking about?"
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"You're just pretending like there's some big problem"
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"so you can come up here and what?"
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"Try to pick up women?"
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"I will not be spoken to this way, young lady."
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"You know what? You're not staying here"
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"Your... Gentleman's Intermission."
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"Go to a hotel."
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"Or better yet, go home to Mom!"
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"Fine, I don't need you."
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"Tonight we're doing a push-up,"
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"and tomorrow we're going to a bar called Swingles!"
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"Gary's wife just died a couple of days ago,"
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"and he hasn't returned the hospital bed yet so I can sleep there!"
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"Now, where's the door?"
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"It's zip."
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"Hello?"
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"Hey, girl!"
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"but my Dad's in town "taking a break" from being married."
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"It's a Gentleman's Intermission."
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"And you want to talk about this with your boss?"
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"Well, when you put it like that, with the mean voice and all..."
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"Good night, Liz."
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"What's wrong, Tray?"
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"I've seen my NBC News obituary, Jackie D."
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"I looked like a fool in it."
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"Well, certainly, you can't be surprised"
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"Don't you ever Google yourself?"
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"Sure. I Google myself all the time."
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"Like if Angie's not in the mood, or I'm alone in a hotel."
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"Tracy, you do know that "Googling yourself""
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"means looking yourself up on the Internet?"
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"That explains why Liz Lemon was so cool the other day."
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"Sure, Tracy."
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"- Can I use your computer? - How else are you going to do it?"
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"Tracy, you're someone with a lot of problems"
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"who needs constant guidance."
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"And don't forget, I never listen."
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"If you're open to it, I'm very good at giving advice."
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