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Clips from Scrubs - My New God (S05E05)

"The man's dead, J.D. Show some respect."
Scrubs
"We scoff, and we walk away."
Scrubs
"so he doesn't have those crazy nightmares."
Scrubs
"Give me a break. You're going."
Scrubs
"- What's with the second beeper? - Carla gave it to me."
Scrubs
"We haven't had sex since her last ovulation."
Scrubs
"I name my eggs. Big frick. Last month it was Cassie."
Scrubs
"She would have been."
Scrubs
"this is my sister, Paige."
Scrubs
"I remember my son Harrison's big day."
Scrubs
"Hi, I'm J.D. I'm sure Perry's spoken of me."
Scrubs
"Nothing about that? I'm surprised. That's interesting."
Scrubs
"Rest assured, Newbie, even if we did talk from morning till night"
Scrubs
"The small being my ex-wife Jordan, wind energy and all fruit-infused liquors,"
Scrubs
"I'm honestly not sure which one of you I find more irritating."
Scrubs
"[Pager beeps]"
Scrubs
"# Hallelujah A brother's 'bout to have some sex"
Scrubs
"Smack the moneymaker!"
Scrubs
"# I can't do this all on my own"
Scrubs
"# No, I know I'm no Superman"
Scrubs
"OK. I'm going to go say hi to Jordan."
Scrubs
"She's dynamite. How'd you end up with a born-again Christian sister?"
Scrubs
"I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken one day and she picked up the Bible"
Scrubs
"- What do you think, Newbie? - Probably the room to room thing."
Scrubs
"Uh-huh."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] It's hard to find the right words at a moment like this."
Scrubs
"Damn it! Stupid baptism."
Scrubs
"# I'm going to have some sex I'm going to have some sex..."
Scrubs
"Baby, that is some God-awful dirty talk."
Scrubs
"We're making a baby. Get down to business."
Scrubs
"Oh, hey, fellas. I'm trying to give somebody the evil eye over there."
Scrubs
"Would you mind breaking it up so I can...? You understand."
Scrubs
"He's just mad because I won't help him move."
Scrubs
"I'll do it."
Scrubs
"Newbie, let's go. Mr. Donnelly's test results are in."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] It's never easy to tell a family that medicine isn't working."
Scrubs
"- What are our options? - I'm afraid there are no other options."
Scrubs
"Oh, right, 'cause people who believe in God are crazy and you're the sane one."
Scrubs
"You never understood me. You're a pie racist.""
Scrubs
"- Jerk. - Republican."
Scrubs
"I need an improv class that doesn't meet in the back of a pie shop."
Scrubs
"[Pager beeps]"
Scrubs
"[Groans] Damn it, I gotta go have ovulation sex again."
Scrubs
"- J. D... - Let me feel my feelings, Turk!"
Scrubs
"Penis is schwing-something."
Scrubs
"Here's the deal. I'm trying to get in the mood, right?"
Scrubs
"Ah-ah, b-b-but, mm-mmm."
Scrubs
"- Icky sticky. - Continue."
Scrubs
"Mornin' sunshine."
Scrubs
"Thanks. That's one of my favorite pieces."
Scrubs
"You're welcome, friend."
Scrubs
"I gotta say, you have a lot of Asian art around here."
Scrubs
"When I was a kid, I thought I'd travel the world."
Scrubs
"of a more optimistic time. That probably sounds crazy."
Scrubs
"Thanks, man."
Scrubs
"And like that, I was in."
Scrubs
"[Pager beeps]"
Scrubs
"- Now, Turk! - Man!"
Scrubs
"Long story short, after confirming it with my bunkmates,"
Scrubs
"and we never spoke about it again."
Scrubs
"- Thanks, pal. - Sure, bud."
Scrubs
"He is finally starting to improve."
Scrubs
"You big jerk!"
Scrubs
"I never go to bed very, very mad."
Scrubs
"Angry sex is awesome."
Scrubs
"After all, people get pretty sensitive about religion."
Scrubs
"I'm getting some blush for Jack,"
Scrubs
"Paige, will you just acknowledge that medicine made Mr. Donnelly better?"
Scrubs
"- That is it! - [Jack giggles]"
Scrubs
"Come on, Jackie boy, we've got places to go."
Scrubs
"- [Carla] Turk, I'm ready! - All right."
Scrubs
"Baby, you know what I miss?"
Scrubs
"I ain't touching no damn diapers."
Scrubs
"[Screams]"
Scrubs
"it's totally acceptable for a man to have a mistress."
Scrubs
"[Door slams]"
Scrubs
"Worth it."
Scrubs
"Now that I'm on the lam, I thought about two things:"
Scrubs
"I'd say he's my new god."
Scrubs
"Rake's in the closet, baby."
Scrubs
"I'm a man. I've been programmed to think that a baby"
Scrubs
"Honey for my honey."
Scrubs
"I'm ready."
Scrubs
"Carla, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good."
Scrubs
"[Inhales deeply] The cycle is broken."
Scrubs
"as you run away from the Kwans' apartment?"
Scrubs
"- You turned me into a felon! - You know what there, Newbie?"
Scrubs
"You can go to the baptism. And take Jack."
Scrubs
"You're one watered-down appletini away from trying to fix my sister and me."
Scrubs
"You're welcome."
Scrubs
"Huh."
Scrubs
"So do you like pie? "Look at me."
Scrubs
"Do I look like a guy who doesn't like pie? I love pie.""
Scrubs
"Incidentally, where do you buy your loincloths?"
Scrubs
"It would be weird if you were like that."
Scrubs
"I don't understand why we can't have fun."
Scrubs
"- I can't believe you! Calm down. - Calm down? I'm gonna kill you!"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Sometimes I think it takes a child to make you see the light."
Scrubs
"Has anyone ever told you you're an extremely average athlete?"
Scrubs
"That's cold, sis. Ice cold."
Scrubs
"It's not the God stuff."
Scrubs
"It's hard for me too."
Scrubs
"Done."
Scrubs
"Oh, Turk, a little help."
Scrubs
"In the end, you just have to be willing to take the first step."
Scrubs
"- You know, Paige is a silly name. - Perry's worse."
Scrubs
"Two quick steps to the left to avoid Overly Ambitious Orderly."
Scrubs
"Hop over the dead guy Doug's dragging because he lost his gurney again."
Scrubs
"Damn it! Every morning, tapping. No one's ever there!"
Scrubs
"Of course, you can't be ready for everything."
Scrubs
"Hey. Help me move this weekend."
Scrubs
"Remind me again why you're having our son baptized."
Scrubs
"Oh, what do you even care? You're not going."
Scrubs
"I'll tell him it's a lie when he gets home"
Scrubs
"By the way, I invited your sister."
Scrubs
"Jordan, please tell me you didn't."
Scrubs
"I'll call her and tell her not to come."
Scrubs
"[Chuckling] How weird would it be if I was like that?"
Scrubs
"- Totally. - Weird."
Scrubs
"- When is this joyous occasion? - You're not invited."
Scrubs
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