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Clips from American Dad! - Black Mystery Month (S02E02)

"None of you."
American Dad!
"I have no idea what he's talking about, but I feel terrible."
American Dad!
"Wanna play that game where you start with a tower of blocks..."
American Dad!
"Sorry. I have to write a black-history report..."
American Dad!
"- No, thanks. - I thought you loved to gamble."
American Dad!
"Oh, is that what that means? I thought you were hitting on me."
American Dad!
"Yeah, no. Sure, yeah, let's play."
American Dad!
"- Hey, lights out. It's past your bedtime. - Dad, I'm too old for a bedtime."
American Dad!
"How many times have I told you?"
American Dad!
"If children get less than eight hours of sleep..."
American Dad!
"What kind of filth are you trying to look up?"
American Dad!
"Why don't you pick an interesting black person..."
American Dad!
"Look at the belt buckle on the Robin Hood peanut-butter label."
American Dad!
"It's even on Union Brand, America's first peanut butter."
American Dad!
"- Where? - In President Peanut's monocle."
American Dad!
"- That's just his eye. - Look closer."
American Dad!
"The brother invented peanut butter. Stretch it over five pages and hand it in."
American Dad!
"It's deeper than that, sir."
American Dad!
"Yes?"
American Dad!
"And be careful. They're watching you."
American Dad!
"He was stabbed and left for dead."
American Dad!
""In the elf condom.""
American Dad!
"I'm looking for one slaw."
American Dad!
"Hey, champ. Get enough sleep last night?"
American Dad!
"You can't take it from the top."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna need a minute."
American Dad!
"Peanut butter. Crunchy, creamy..."
American Dad!
"Sorry. Just me again."
American Dad!
"Looks like I'm hitting everything but rock bottom, huh?"
American Dad!
"- Don't worry. They're just blanks. - Why did you do that?"
American Dad!
"Because that's the last fun you're gonna have for a long time."
American Dad!
"What? Why are these people chasing me?"
American Dad!
"- Give it to me. This isn't child's play. - And I'm not a child."
American Dad!
"Speaking of crackers..."
American Dad!
"One day, a man will walk on the moon."
American Dad!
"Gentlemen, the solution to our problem is spread before us."
American Dad!
"It wasn't until thirty-one years later that the plan was resurrected..."
American Dad!
"...by our nation's greatest president, Grover Cleveland."
American Dad!
"But Cleveland constructed an ingenious plan..."
American Dad!
"That's right. You're one of the few people outside of the Illuminutti..."
American Dad!
"- That's why they killed the curator. - Okay, loud. Loud."
American Dad!
"Dad, Old Glory wasn't a flag."
American Dad!
"She was our nation's first stripper, and that's the pole that bore her."
American Dad!
"...he just found your stash."
American Dad!
"- My baby. - My meth."
American Dad!
"- Then why'd you hire me? - Hire you?"
American Dad!
"I was right about the pole, wasn't I?"
American Dad!
""Lastly, tip your hat in the Garden of Eden.""
American Dad!
"I'm on it."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna need two tickets on your next flight to the Garden of Eden."
American Dad!
"But this is the only peanut plant in this whole place."
American Dad!
"The hat has gotta be in here."
American Dad!
"All the clues are things that President Peanut wears."
American Dad!
"- To the lowa caucuses. - No, Dad."
American Dad!
"We did it, Dad. Soon the whole world will know the truth."
American Dad!
"Nothing can stop us now."
American Dad!
"Dad. Dad. Dad."
American Dad!
"The Katzenjammer Kids."
American Dad!
"And now he's injured."
American Dad!
"Thanks, Harvard."
American Dad!
"I can't believe there's lava under Washington, D.C."
American Dad!
"Dad, there it is."
American Dad!
"- Booby trap. - There's something inside."
American Dad!
"It's got his blood and all the names he considered for peanut butter."
American Dad!
"All this time, I thought I was proving I was so grown-up..."
American Dad!
"...our young nation would have never survived."
American Dad!
"We can handle the truth..."
American Dad!
"I'm doing the grown-up thing here."
American Dad!
"And so the safety of our nation will forever be ensured."
American Dad!
"Wow, Dad, you switched jars on him. That was so awesome."
American Dad!
"That's it."
American Dad!
"Well, you're a young man now."
American Dad!
"You're ready for everything the Internet has to offer."
American Dad!
"Without the salve of peanut butter, the nation's wounds healed slowly."
American Dad!
"Cleveland learned of a black botanist who had hundreds of uses for peanuts."
American Dad!
"Incredibly, mashing them up and eating them wasn't one of them."
American Dad!
"George Washington Carver didn't invent peanut butter."
American Dad!
"...who knows this secret."
American Dad!
"A secret society dedicated to concealing this truth at all costs."
American Dad!
"This is their mysterious symbol."
American Dad!
"After the war, our nation was healed by the belief..."
American Dad!
"...that peanut butter was invented by a black man."
American Dad!
"...if this lie is ever exposed."
American Dad!
"He said it was time the truth came out. We have to tell everyone."
American Dad!
"Yes. But no one will believe us unless we have the jar of proof."
American Dad!
"A jar containing evidence that Carver didn't invent peanut butter."
American Dad!
"- Where is this jar? - Only the curator knew."
American Dad!
"The Illuminutti's been looking for it for decades."
American Dad!
"And when they find it, they'll destroy it."
American Dad!
"We've got to find it first so America will know the truth."
American Dad!
"Well, we do have one thing the Illuminutti doesn't:"
American Dad!
"A map I found years ago."
American Dad!
"Unfortunately, it can only be read with a special ocular device."
American Dad!
"- It works. You can read the map. - Dad, it's not a map, it's a message."
American Dad!
""Find the cane that bore Old Glory. 1730 M Street.""
American Dad!
"Old Glory. It must be a flagpole."
American Dad!
"Good work, Dad."
American Dad!
"But why did we have to come to a Burger King to read the map?"
American Dad!
"Have it your way."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God. You finally make your first move and you lose."
American Dad!
"- That's classic. I'm going to bed. - Not so fast."
American Dad!
"That was just my test model. The real one still stands. It's permitted."
American Dad!
"I called Hasbro."
American Dad!
"They said it violated the spirit of the game, but not the actual rules."
American Dad!
"Just an old strip club."
American Dad!
"Well, no flagpoles in the VIP room."
American Dad!
"It took you 45 minutes to figure that out?"
American Dad!
"No. And it also didn't take me $300."
American Dad!
"Excuse me, ladies."
American Dad!
"If anyone has left a toddler locked in their car..."
American Dad!
"- I can't believe you brought an engineer. - I can't believe you didn't."
American Dad!
"Soon the beam of light will show us the exact location of the..."
American Dad!
"- Sorry, it's been a really long night. - The Garden of Eden."
American Dad!
"The Garden of Eden. The first garden."
American Dad!
"You don't fly to biblical allegories?"
American Dad!
"See, this is why you people are going out of business."
American Dad!
"I've got it. The first national garden."
American Dad!
"- It's empty. - It's a dead end."
American Dad!
"Fudge."
American Dad!
"Wait, Steve. Don't declare fudge just yet."
American Dad!
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