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Clips from The Odd Couple - The Blind Leading the Blind Date (S01E01)

"Here's an idea. Stop noticing everything!"
The Odd Couple
"- Could it be a boyfriend problem? - I don't know."
The Odd Couple
"- Maybe a health issue with a parent. - No idea."
The Odd Couple
"Does she have any siblings?"
The Odd Couple
"She did mention a sister once,"
The Odd Couple
"but that could have just been a sistah thing."
The Odd Couple
"You don't know anything about her."
The Odd Couple
"Dani's worked for you for three years."
The Odd Couple
"I don't meddle in her personal life."
The Odd Couple
"The woman is in crisis. Go in there, talk to her"
The Odd Couple
"No. Mind your own business."
The Odd Couple
"Oh. Well, perhaps I will just stay here"
The Odd Couple
"So,"
The Odd Couple
"Oh, my God."
The Odd Couple
"Hey."
The Odd Couple
"So... you know."
The Odd Couple
"What do you mean?"
The Odd Couple
"I don't really know."
The Odd Couple
"What's going on? Are you firing me?"
The Odd Couple
"- Because I will sue your ass so fast... - No!"
The Odd Couple
"Felix and I just noticed"
The Odd Couple
"that something might be bothering you."
The Odd Couple
"- Aw. Nope, I'm all good. - Okay, then."
The Odd Couple
"In fact, I just got invited to my high school reunion,"
The Odd Couple
"so I'm going to be flying back to Cleveland in a few weeks."
The Odd Couple
"'Cause that's where you're from, and I knew that."
The Odd Couple
"Gonna catch up with some old friends,"
The Odd Couple
"see how everybody's changed."
The Odd Couple
"Who got bald, who got married."
The Odd Couple
"- That sounds great. - Mm-hmm."
The Odd Couple
"What's the ETA on the coffee?"
The Odd Couple
"Pretty sure I'm the only person"
The Odd Couple
"in the old crew who's still single,"
The Odd Couple
"but, hey, I'm cool with that."
The Odd Couple
"But you know how everybody's gonna be."
The Odd Couple
"Not even a boyfriend, Danielle?""
The Odd Couple
"sit at the front desk and just hand out name tags."
The Odd Couple
"You know, "Welcome back, East High Roadrunner!""
The Odd Couple
"And yes, I still have the same last name"
The Odd Couple
"Good, but cover her with both hands."
The Odd Couple
"Darren and I broke up almost a year ago,"
The Odd Couple
"and I've pretty much given up on trying to find someone new."
The Odd Couple
"Here's a tissue."
The Odd Couple
"I must insist."
The Odd Couple
"It was so unprofessional."
The Odd Couple
"Unprofessional. Please."
The Odd Couple
"We're all friends here, right, Oscar?"
The Odd Couple
"Yeah, I'm gonna get some water."
The Odd Couple
"I actually cried myself thirsty."
The Odd Couple
"Well, it's obvious what we have to do."
The Odd Couple
"No, we have to stay out of it."
The Odd Couple
"past the swamp of half-digested fish sticks."
The Odd Couple
"Dani is strong and proud, and she doesn't need us"
The Odd Couple
"to set her up like she's some charity case."
The Odd Couple
"Well, you know what? I will help her."
The Odd Couple
"I'll buy you a new one."
The Odd Couple
"What do you mean?"
The Odd Couple
"Wonderful! That will set the perfect tone for Dani's date."
The Odd Couple
"What can I say? I'm a romantic."
The Odd Couple
"And you're paying me. I like money."
The Odd Couple
"Say,"
The Odd Couple
"why can you never find the composer"
The Odd Couple
"Because he's Haydn."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, Cindy, thanks."
The Odd Couple
"Felix, I finished your matchmaking questionnaire,"
The Odd Couple
"but some of the questions seemed a little personal,"
The Odd Couple
"like the one about positions."
The Odd Couple
"I wanted to know about your job history."
The Odd Couple
"Oh."
The Odd Couple
"- to every available man that I know. - Mm-hmm."
The Odd Couple
"My work colleagues, the viola player in my string quartet,"
The Odd Couple
"all of my book club bros."
The Odd Couple
"And once I compile the data,"
The Odd Couple
"finding Mr. Right will be a cinch."
The Odd Couple
"You're looking for Mr. Right?"
The Odd Couple
"- I have just the guy for you. - Oh, yeah?"
The Odd Couple
"Oh. Hey, many great men got their start in a basement."
The Odd Couple
"No, many great men got their start in a garage."
The Odd Couple
"Many serial killers got their start in a basement."
The Odd Couple
"Alan isn't a serial killer."
The Odd Couple
"Okay, let's see what you put for most important qualities."
The Odd Couple
""Religious.""
The Odd Couple
"That's number one."
The Odd Couple
"- "A good butt." - A close number two."
The Odd Couple
"Got it."
The Odd Couple
"Now that I have this information,"
The Odd Couple
"Felix, you can't micromanage romance."
The Odd Couple
"It's not micromanaging."
The Odd Couple
"It's simply creating a love algorithm"
The Odd Couple
"to compare data, weighting certain categories"
The Odd Couple
"Oh, I'm sorry. I dozed off."
The Odd Couple
"Who's the space president now?"
The Odd Couple
"Sounds exciting. So scientific."
The Odd Couple
"You can't plan it. It just happens."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, so she should just sit at home and hope"
The Odd Couple
"that someone good comes along?"
The Odd Couple
"No, you got to put yourself out there."
The Odd Couple
"There are lots of ways to maximize your chances."
The Odd Couple
"That you'll teach me? Thank you, Oscar!"
The Odd Couple
"Oh, no, I wasn't offering."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, do you think we can find me a soul mate by the reunion?"
The Odd Couple
"There's a couple of bitches in Spanish Club"
The Odd Couple
"I really want to stick it to."
The Odd Couple
"It's nice that you and Felix are trying"
The Odd Couple
"Maybe it's because I say stuff like that."
The Odd Couple
"Sorry I'm late."
The Odd Couple
"I got nervous and started hyperventilating on the subway."
The Odd Couple
"I had to breathe into a homeless guy's liquor bag."
The Odd Couple
"But then he hit on me, so I got a little confidence going."
The Odd Couple
"You can work this magic?"
The Odd Couple
"Hey, you're Oscar Madison, right?"
The Odd Couple
"That's right, my friend."
The Odd Couple
"Oscar, I feel like an idiot."
The Odd Couple
"Are you sure about this?"
The Odd Couple
"Hey, can I give you a couple pointers?"
The Odd Couple
"- Yeah? - Uh-huh."
The Odd Couple
"Now, just..."
The Odd Couple
"One second."
The Odd Couple
"Pretty and a sports fan?"
The Odd Couple
"Hello, complete package."
The Odd Couple
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