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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Meets a Drunk Lady! (S02E02)

"Pick me up, bitch!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She said, gravely."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Then pick me up, playa!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The Union Cycliste Internationale"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This doesn't look like where they sent Dylan McKay"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"that we should get back together."
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"It is."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Watch."
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"I found the dog!"
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"Right, he moved to Denver to work on his marriage."
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"(GASPS) Someone's coming."
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"(VASE SHATTERS)"
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"I forgot."
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"Think of Mom."
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"Ugh."
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"Day me sucks."
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"It's like, I finally figure out that I need help,"
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"and I can't even get it."
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"(SCOFFS)"
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"Even if I could hold a pen right now, she would never listen to me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(FURBY LAUGHS)"
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"Kimmy, this is a nonstarter."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I sell my doorman Adderall!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"sick of listening to all that weak-tit Manhattan angst."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Let's get started."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How long have you been in here?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm a really slow runner."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"From the soundtrack to the movie Earth Jelly."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Okay, I've never seen a pool ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Whoo ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ I'm convinced I can swim ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Morning, Charlie!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"♪ I'm hiking on sunlight, uh-huh ♪"
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"I was not prepped for this level of pep, Peppy Le Pew."
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"Puns getting better."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but I need these tunes to get pumped"
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"for the old nine to five a.m."
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"♪ But now I'm not sure ♪"
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"It's from Now That Sounds Like Music!"
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"Titus, the tapes came!"
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"♪ And doughnuts taste good ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Come on. Dance like you have ants in your pants."
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"I do have ants in my pants due to some pocket taffy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But I will not."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, I switched flavors of Gatorade."
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"to something great, but so far, no one's offered me"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"any amazing jobs in this apartment."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, why don't you go see Mikey?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He's dressing as his favorite silicone joint sealant."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, I know what always cheers me up:"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"singing in the shower!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What the huh?"
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"Last night, after a box of key lime wine"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I decided to give all my Barbies perms."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Some of them don't have the face for it."
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"But I need a shower."
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"I can't miss the morning rush."
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"Hungover prep school kids, fishmongers who overslept,"
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"girls leaving John Mayer's houseboat."
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"No, they have to dry in place"
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"Titus, don't you think you'd feel better"
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"if you actually did something today?"
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"Does holding in a fart count?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Why don't you go out and get us more tape storage?"
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"Now That Sounds Like Music! is a four-tape compilation,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but we only have one slot left."
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"It's like Sophie's Choice without Streep chewing the scenery like a rat on drywall."
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"Oh, God!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'll get them off!"
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"Then stop eating it!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Unbreakable ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you know, a fascinating transition."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Lik-a-Stix can be found"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"in a tear in the ceiling fabric above you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"A priest, a rabbi, and a minister?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Of course. You were on the email."
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"No thanks to John Mayer."
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"Excuse me, Mr. Khaki Pants."
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"I'm having trouble locating your tape tower showroom."
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"- Our what? - Tape towers."
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"with a 50-tape capacity."
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"Or 100, if you can sell me."
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"But I don't have a credit card."
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"When Samuel L. Jackson asks what's in my wallet,"
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"Yeah, Malala!"
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"You got the address?"
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"Oop, let me help you there."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"pink cocaine and poop?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'll eat some poop if I can get pink cocaine."
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"So pretty fancy place you came out of."
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"Metal silverware and everything."
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"Special night?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, I go there all the time."
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"They make the best vodka in a glass."
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"My roommate, Titus, filled the shower with his dolls"
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"and didn't want to move them,"
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"so I had to take an Ohio shower"
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"Why would you let him treat you that way?"
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"Kind of like a chess piece."
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"I guess I just did it 'cause I'm nice."
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"And that makes you happy?"
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"So, like, clenched up tight, full of grit,"
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"and if you get pried open, you'll die?"
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"(LAUGHS) That's a good one."
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"But hey, do you always"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"put other people's needs before yourses?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm the Reverend!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Which one of you dummies wants to punch me?"
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"I hate you!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And furthermore..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, I guess sometimes I put oth... (BURPS)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What is his name, Titties?"
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"You say, Titties, I value my needs,"
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"Oh, if you need to, that's fine."
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"Don't just let people..."
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"Oh, no."
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"Huh? Where am I?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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