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Clips from Three's Company - Chrissy's Night Out (S02E02)

"Oh. Ooh."
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"Do you have any idea what the penalty is for hitting a cop?"
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"- [ Chrissy ] What? - How is he? How is he?"
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"Oh, relax, Jack."
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"It's not that serious. Oh, good. Thank you, Mrs. Roper."
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"Anyway, we'll know better as soon as he's able to stand up by himself."
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"Did you hear that? I'm finished. I've had it."
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"the next minute I'm a picture on the post office wall."
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"All right. Take it easy. Take it easy."
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"All right. Which one of you guys hit me?"
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"He's still a little dazed."
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"Well, it... it was, uh, me, Officer. I'll... I'll go quietly."
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"He's not... He's not a violent person."
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"I would have warned you if he was."
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"Thank you, sir. We need more people like you."
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"You need him, you can have him."
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"Why'd you hit me, sir? That was a terrible thing to do."
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"I feel really badly that you did that to me."
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"Oh, God. I hurt his feelings too."
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"I just don't understand why."
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"W-Well, I can understand you not understanding,"
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"but, you see, earlier tonight you made a very"
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"offensive remark to my friend Chrissy here,"
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"- I can understand that. - Oh, boy. I'm glad."
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"But I'd already figured out that I was mistaken about Chrissy."
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"That's why I'm here. To apologize."
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"- Thank you. - You're welcome."
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"But then you hit me. Oh, well..."
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"Officer, look. I'd like to apologize for hitting you. W-Why don't we shake?"
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"Fair enough. [ Whimpers ]"
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"Well, that's settled."
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"Why don't we all have a drink?"
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"- Come on, Stanley. - Uh, thank you, ma'am, but I can't drink on duty."
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"Ohh. You can have a cup of cocoa."
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"- Cocoa? - Yeah. For medicinal purposes."
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"Come on, Stanley."
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"- You're still on duty? - Yes, miss. I'm in the process of apprehending a felon."
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"Oh, well, listen, in that case, don't let us keep you."
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"Apprehending a felon. That sounds so exciting."
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"Yeah, who is it? You, sir."
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"[ Gulps ] Me, sir? Yes, sir."
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"- You assaulted a police officer. - But you shook hands."
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"You can't arrest someone when you shake hands. That's a rule."
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"It's like you can't take a giant step before you say, "Mother, may I?""
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"Uh, I'm afraid you're wrong, miss."
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"The rule is that if someone attacks a police officer,"
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"that someone has got to be apprehended."
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"Oh. Uh, excuse me. I..."
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"I feel a little woozy. I think I'd better sit down."
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"That's better. See, I didn't know you were a cop."
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"I thought you were a creep."
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"Let me get this straight. Your intent was to assault a creep?"
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"What we have here is a case of assault on a police officer..."
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"with intent to punch a creep. Exactly."
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"However, according to the book, I still have to take you in."
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"What are you doing down there? Oh, I'm sorry."
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"Now, look, Officer, he didn't know that you were a cop."
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"That's right. You didn't identify yourself."
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"I'll have to think about that one."
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"What do you mean you have to think about that?"
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"Janet. No."
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"Jack, who does he think he is? Let him think about that."
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"No. She's right. Who do you think you are?"
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"Chrissy, he's thinking about that."
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"Hey. What right have you got anyway..."
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"to be making lewd advances to my friend here?"
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"Uh, look here, miss. Huh?"
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"I'm a police officer, and I have the right to make lewd advances to anyone I like."
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"As long as I keep dirt off the streets."
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"Well, you didn't flash a badge or anything."
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"He flashed for Stanley."
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"Listen. I happen to know a thing or two about the law."
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"Yeah. She watches Police Woman every week."
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"I happen to know that what you did is illegal, buster."
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"It's called entrapment. And for that you deserve to have your lights punched out."
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"You'll have to excuse her, Officer. You'll have to excuse her."
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"She's, uh... She doesn't like heights."
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"No, wait a minute. She's right."
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"What kind of a police department are you running anyway?"
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"The idea of propositioning young girls."
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"Encouraging sexual abandon."
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"I was not encouraging sex. I was trying to stop sex."
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"That's even worse."
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"I think you'd better come down to the station with me, sir."
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"And I'm only halfway through puff pastry."
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"They won't let me finish the course. Nobody wants a chef with a felony on his record."
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"Okay, sir. Come on. Let's go. No. Wait, Officer."
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"Take it easy, Officer. Don't be so rough."
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"You gotta be very careful with his type."
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"- His type? - They're very emotional, that type."
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"- What type? - You know."
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"Not me. Him."
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"You're gay?"
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"Not always. Sometimes I'm quite depressed."
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"Oh, boy."
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"This means I gotta tell my lieutenant I was knocked down by a homosexual."
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"Yes, and you have plenty of witnesses too."
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"Witnesses too."
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"[ Sighs ]"
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"What's that for? Aren't we going to be handcuffed together?"
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"Look. Look here. I'm up for Detective of the Year award."
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"[ Gasps ] Does that mean you always get your man?"
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"No, no."
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"It's just that some of my superiors, who are"
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"wonderful officers, might not understand."
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"Oh, don't you worry, Officer. We're gonna make sure that they understand."
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"I, uh, just might have been wrong about, uh..."
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"The rule is you cannot arrest somebody after they shake hands."
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"I knew it!"
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"I, uh... I think I'll be going."
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"I'll show you the way."
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"Um, Miss Snow, could I talk to you for a second?"
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"Sure."
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"Excuse me."
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"What... What I wanted to say..."
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"It's all right. Yeah? Okay."
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"You see, earlier this..."
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"Look, I'm... I'm really sorry about what happened at the club, okay?"
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"Oh. Hey, it's okay."
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"Because all the time that I was talking to you down at the club,"
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