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Clips from American Dad! (2005) - Comedy (S01E01)

"- That's the beautiful mystery of sex. - Well, I guess not, but-"
American Dad! (2005)
"squatting on your brain like an octopus."
American Dad! (2005)
"Fantastic. I gave him the totality of my man knowledge."
American Dad! (2005)
"Ooh, you're such a good father."
American Dad! (2005)
"Francine, what areyou doing? This is where we eat."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, right, spring cleaning. Oh, I completelyforgot to clean the gutters."
American Dad! (2005)
"Forget those gutters! Clean my gutters!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Is this a bad time?"
American Dad! (2005)
"No, no. I was just buffing the table with your mother."
American Dad! (2005)
"Absolutely, Son. Let's talk in private."
American Dad! (2005)
"No. This is a father's job."
American Dad! (2005)
"Besides, sons have complex relationships with their mothers."
American Dad! (2005)
"Especially ifthey're as beautiful and sexy as my mother."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hayleywas right. I am wasting my life."
American Dad! (2005)
"Soyou're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage?"
American Dad! (2005)
"you can handle themyourself."
American Dad! (2005)
"Ah, I knew this day would come."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's time foryou to watch the film that made me the man I am today."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, kids, meet TimmyJohnson."
American Dad! (2005)
"Timmy is a healthy, athletic, all-American boy..."
American Dad! (2005)
"who is about to fall victim to a terrible evil-"
American Dad! (2005)
"An evil greater than civil rights and Communism combined."
American Dad! (2005)
"Mom? Dad? My game ended early."
American Dad! (2005)
"Timmy is about to touch himself."
American Dad! (2005)
"Three hours alone! What will I do? Jeepers! What's this?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Whoa! That's messed up."
American Dad! (2005)
"So how do we defeat these evil urges?"
American Dad! (2005)
"The way I have my entire life."
American Dad! (2005)
"I've had a hobby since I was your age..."
American Dad! (2005)
"and not once have I ever played a solo on the devil's clarinet."
American Dad! (2005)
"You've gotyour fly tying, your gun cleaning, your decoupage."
American Dad! (2005)
"You use a burning tool to scorch pictures orwhimsical sayings onto wood."
American Dad! (2005)
"or my favorite, "You Want It When?""
American Dad! (2005)
"Get it? It expresses disbelief at an unreasonable deadline."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thatjust kills me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Now, take that red-hot poker and drive it on home, hard as you can."
American Dad! (2005)
"Wait! The good hobbyist always thinks about safety first."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, luckily it's only a minor injury."
American Dad! (2005)
""Apply to affected area.""
American Dad! (2005)
"- Smith, I'm elbow-deep inside the vice president's chest."
American Dad! (2005)
"- This better be important. - Vital. How doyou use ointment?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, just take a large gob and apply it directly to the affected area."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, okay, but, uh, the affected area is my-"
American Dad! (2005)
"Okay, but to do that, I'm gonna have to put you on speakerphone."
American Dad! (2005)
"Pull on it! Pull with allyourmight!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I-l feel weird. Maybe I should stop."
American Dad! (2005)
"Don't quit on me now, you son ofa bitch! Keep pumping!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Why do we keep grazing here?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I don't know. I do not know."
American Dad! (2005)
"He hasn't left the bathroom for two days."
American Dad! (2005)
"- He just stays up there applying ointment and shouting."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's my fault. I mutilated him."
American Dad! (2005)
"Steve, it was just an accident, and it wasn't that bad."
American Dad! (2005)
"Not that bad? Just listen to his cries ofanguish!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Like God has kissed me with a mouthful ofscotch."
American Dad! (2005)
"Dad! Thereyouare."
American Dad! (2005)
"Of-Of course I'm here. Wh-Where would I be? Alone? Touching myself?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that."
American Dad! (2005)
"Well said, soldier."
American Dad! (2005)
"and I hope this experience will bring us even closer together."
American Dad! (2005)
"Of course it will. Now get out."
American Dad! (2005)
"Welcome to Roger's Place. What's your poison?"
American Dad! (2005)
"All right. I'll have a Cosmopolitan."
American Dad! (2005)
"Okay, hereyou go."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah, this is clearly fake."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm gonna have to confiscate this, Dr. Ernestine Chow."
American Dad! (2005)
"But I need that to get into bars!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Uh-huh. I could lose my license."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Wh-What? - Time foryou to leave me alone."
American Dad! (2005)
"I mean, Steve needs a ride to school."
American Dad! (2005)
"Because I woke up this morning in the car, fully dressed."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, maybe until Dad gets better, l can clean the gutters."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's creepy, honey. Oh, no. We gotta go home."
American Dad! (2005)
"I just realized your father forgot to put underpants on me."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Stan? - Francine! What a nice surprise."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Stan, that's the closet. - Thankyou."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Sign in here."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Guess who just packed up her last box of spring cleaning?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Francine! - Francine!"
American Dad! (2005)
"but we may still have some crab cakes."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, sweetie, what's the matter?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Stan has completely stopped being intimate."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're scaring off my customers."
American Dad! (2005)
"She's so desperate."
American Dad! (2005)
"Doyou think she'll let me swim in her mouth?"
American Dad! (2005)
"But may I suggest a third breast?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Or I can combine these two into one fantastic super-boob!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Can I just get a little Botox? - No one everwants the super-boob."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm pretty sure I had two left."
American Dad! (2005)
"No. Remember, you blew through thoseyesterday..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Right. So I'll just take my last six tubes and get out ofyour hair."
American Dad! (2005)
"Give me the stuff or I'll shoot!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- You traded meyour gun for ointment. Remember?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Please! Just a dab'll do me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yes! Yes!"
American Dad! (2005)
"See, Daddy? I'm a good boy. I'm a good boy."
American Dad! (2005)
"Must kill the urge."
American Dad! (2005)
"Prurient thoughts evaporating."
American Dad! (2005)
"I am... myselfagain."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yes, the Statue of Liberty standing proudly on America's shore..."
American Dad! (2005)
"in her clingy dress."
American Dad! (2005)
"Steve, slow down. That's your fourth ShirleyTemple."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'll tell you when I've had enough."
American Dad! (2005)
"Set one up, Roger. I really need it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Butyou know what won't? This."
American Dad! (2005)
"Ah! I don'twant to relive it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Ouch. Rub some ointment on that, why don'tya?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Television!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- What? - Television drove me to it!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm still decent. I'm just a victim ofthis evil-spewing smut box."
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, let me askyou something. Doyou think about sex all the time?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Nonstop. - And doyou watch TV all the time?"
American Dad! (2005)
"See? I knew it wasn't my fault!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- I'm still alive, Dad. - Yes, butyou're dead inside."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What's going on? - Steve fell off a ladder."
American Dad! (2005)
"Ach, why didn't you say you were having work done?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Senators, thankyou for coming to this top-secret threat briefing."
American Dad! (2005)
"As we all know, this country is surrounded by monstrous enemies."
American Dad! (2005)
"But, gentlemen, l giveyou the true face of evil."
American Dad! (2005)
"Uh, your memo stated you had urgent information about a dirty bomb."
American Dad! (2005)
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