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Clips from Peep Show - Wedding (S04E04)

"I think you're right."
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"Oh, no."
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"A jilt is at the altar, I'm not jilting."
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"I think anything on the wedding day is a jilting."
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"But that implies he could have jilted her somewhere else."
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"Come on, we need to get Super Hans and go."
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"MOBILE PHONE RINGS"
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"Nancy!"
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""Hi, Jeremy. I've just had a big bust up with my dad."
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""I wanna come hang out with you at the wedding."
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""Can you pick me up? I'm at the Heathrow Hilton.""
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"Fuck Super Hans, he'll be fine. Let's leave him."
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"Do you think we can leave him in that toilet,"
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"lying in his various liquids?"
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"Well, obviously it's not what either of us would ideally like to do."
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"but in the end it probably saved more lives than if they hadn't."
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"'Pretty straightforward conflict here - he wants to go to the wedding,"
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"That's not possible."
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"Nancy wants to come to the wedding, we'll just nip over to Heathrow."
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"Nancy! No, Jez, I need to see Sophie."
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"Oh, no. Cancelling the wedding on the day is one thing,"
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"doing it over the phone, that's despicable."
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"I don't think that a distinction as big in reality as it is in your mind."
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"Jeremy, we are going to see Sophie."
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"Look, Jez, Nancy's bolted. She doesn't love you."
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"It is, I 'm won't be known as "Mark, the jilter" forever."
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"We're in the middle of the road."
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"You're not fucking Blair."
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"Release the wheel."
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"- Let's go and give Sophie a nice timely jilting. - Thank you."
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"For the record, Nancy's not bullshit. She does love me."
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"Still, good to clear the air."
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"MOBILE BEEPS"
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"Oh, my God. Guess what?"
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"He's only bloody come through for me."
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"Brilliant, except of course, I am about to cancel the wedding."
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"Yeah, but Nancy's gonna be there, probably in a lovely dress."
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"Oh, God, look at it, Jez. Look at all the wedding stuff."
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"Everyone's getting ready for a wedding."
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"Well, you did basically arrange a wedding."
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"Shit, Jez, I don't think I can do it."
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"I don't think I have a good enough reason to call off this wedding."
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"I know a reason."
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"but you have to promise not to be angry with me."
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"What is it? Did you get off with her?"
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"No, God, something else, but you've got to promise not to be angry."
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"OK. Well, actually, I did get off with her."
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"I snogged her at the JLB conference."
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"What? You're kidding!"
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"Why the hell didn't you tell me about this earlier?"
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"I am angry, very angry, but also incredibly relieved."
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"It's difficult to express both emotions at once."
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"I am out of this, no questions asked."
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"You shitty, faithless, backstabbing beauty."
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"Hello, Mark, Jeremy."
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"Hello, Penny. Where's Sophie?"
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"She's upstairs getting her hair done, why?"
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"- Why? - Something massive has come up."
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"- You can't. Let me through. - What do you want?"
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"I need to talk to Sophie about the whole wedding."
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"- God, that's... - I mean, not really an actual affair."
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"- We were both very drunk. - Mark, a snog is not an affair."
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"Well, in my eyes, I'm afraid she's been unfaithful."
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"She broke a sacred bond, sort of like a whore."
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"You've come here to talk about the wedding because of a drunken snog?"
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"It was a breech of trust."
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"Oh, come on, Mark!"
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"Did you even use tongues?"
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"A bit of tongues, not much."
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"- You see. - Nevertheless..."
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"It's gonna be a wonderful day. You'll be very happy."
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"But if you really want to go in there and talk to Sophie about calling it off"
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"because of a silly drunken snog, then go on, do it."
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"See you at the church."
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"Why couldn't you at least have said you'd fucked her, eh?"
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"How the hell has it come to this?"
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"This is wrong, this is terribly wrong."
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"wanking into a flannel,"
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"but I do feel very strongly that it's not... right."
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"It's a moot point. This wedding is moot!"
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"It can't be moot, you can't have a moot wedding. You need to decide."
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"'Oh, this is gonna be horrible."
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"'Am I actually going to piss on the church?"
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"'It would be quite a statement."
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"'Yeah, baby, here I go."
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"'but he does he follow through with an actual act of piss?"
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"- What? Why? - I need to think. I can't talk to the dad."
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"I'm wrestling with the biggest fucking decision of my life"
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"and he's gonna wanna talk about button holes"
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"and the parking situation, which to be fair, is a bit of a nightmare."
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"Forget it, Jez. Hold it in."
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"OK, we're safe up here."
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"Were you praying just then?"
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"I was just kneeling."
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"and not in a good way."
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"Shit! There's Mum and Dad. Maybe I should?"
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"I could say I was looking for God up here."
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"It might not be bad to look like I've gone a tiny bit mad."
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"How many missed calls have you got?"
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"28."
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"Tossing a coin might be the best available route open to me."
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"- You are joking? - I don't seem to have any other ideas."
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"Tails, I stay here, become a social outcast and turn my back"
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"on the woman I may very well love."
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"- I'm excited. - I'm kind of excited too."
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"So..."
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"Ah, it's marry. I'm gonna marry. Shit."
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"Best of three?"
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"Ah, heads again. Shit!"
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"No, the coin has spoken."
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"Well, the coin isn't the boss of me, Jeremy. And how I felt"
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"So, text everyone... text everyone to tell them that."
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"Tell them... Tell them I'm doing a Stephen Fry. We're in Brussels."
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"You found a blanket under the garage door"
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"and I'll be back soon and everything's fine."
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"Everyone needs to be kind to me. Text that."
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"I'll cover the cost."
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"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do, is there?"
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"Prayer bucket? There's no such thing as..."
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"If you really can't hold it in, then you'll just have to... piss yourself."
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