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Clips from M*A*S*H - The Army-Navy Game (S01E01)

"Why, Radar!"
M*A*S*H
"[Explosion]"
M*A*S*H
"Uh, with all these bombs going off, and the one that hasn‘t yet,"
M*A*S*H
"check out the supply tent together."
M*A*S*H
"You don‘t need to."
M*A*S*H
"Bomb‘s got to go off. I never had such a good hand."
M*A*S*H
"Really, poker face?"
M*A*S*H
"Wait a minute. The blues are worth $5,000 or$i 0,000?"
M*A*S*H
"For the last time, the whites are worth $5, 000,"
M*A*S*H
"the blues are worth $10,000, the reds are worth $25,000."
M*A*S*H
"A whole stack is worth a million,"
M*A*S*H
"and at the end ofthe game, we‘ll settle for half."
M*A*S*H
"and the reds are worth a dollar."
M*A*S*H
"Ring!"
M*A*S*H
"Drake? I finally tracked your bomb down."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, Commander?"
M*A*S*H
"- The C.|.A.‘s? —You heard me."
M*A*S*H
"— The CIA has their own bombs? — Yep, and it‘s one oftheirs."
M*A*S*H
"The important thing is that little bugger‘s been ticking for an hour."
M*A*S*H
"On its own, it could go off in another hour."
M*A*S*H
"the navy thinks it detonates itselfin two minutes."
M*A*S*H
"The navy thinks? The navy doesn‘t know?"
M*A*S*H
"The CIA won‘t tell anyone its business."
M*A*S*H
"|fwe blow up, I hope I rain down all over them."
M*A*S*H
"All we know is it‘s a spring—cylinder type."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s got two clockwork—attached fuses, one at the base, one at the head."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve got the disarming instructions right here."
M*A*S*H
"— Got the right instructions, Henry? — I hope so."
M*A*S*H
"I hope so too, otherwise I‘m gonna come back in the next life as a squirrel..."
M*A*S*H
"and run up your pants leg."
M*A*S*H
"One for the road?"
M*A*S*H
"What happened to your two friends who play the fife and drum?"
M*A*S*H
"Look, I‘ve moved the wounded out as far as I dare."
M*A*S*H
"Those of us that are staying behind are mighty grateful."
M*A*S*H
"Wait‘ll you get our bill."
M*A*S*H
"Look, you guys, I‘m gonna be..."
M*A*S*H
"on the squawk box to you from the bunker."
M*A*S*H
"Just defuse it, and then run like hell."
M*A*S*H
"But with dignity."
M*A*S*H
"Pierce? Mc/n tyre? Can you hear me?"
M*A*S*H
"One more yell like that and you and I will have interchangeable parts."
M*A*S*H
"Heartbeat‘s regular."
M*A*S*H
"Now place it gently..."
M*A*S*H
"Now, rotate the locking ring counterclockwise."
M*A*S*H
"Now, remove the tail assembly."
M*A*S*H
"And carefully cut the wires..."
M*A*S*H
"Psst, psst!"
M*A*S*H
"—You spring a leak? — |tstopped ticking."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s a propaganda bomb."
M*A*S*H
"“Give yourselves up. You can‘t win."
M*A*S*H
"Douglas MacArthur.”"
M*A*S*H
"Navy 42, Army 36."
M*A*S*H
"And the winner of the football pool is..."
M*A*S*H
"Father Mulcahy."
M*A*S*H
"— You won again. — You always win. Who do you know?"
M*A*S*H
"[Ha wl"
M*A*S*H
"Ah, excuse me."
M*A*S*H
"Now that things are back to normal around here,"
M*A*S*H
"I have a confession to make."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah?What is it?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll tell you later."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t nobody move. This is a stickup."
M*A*S*H
"— Frank, you‘re magnificent in the face ofdanger. —I know."
M*A*S*H
"—We|l? —We|l, gimmea minute."
M*A*S*H
"You got any stethoscopes?"
M*A*S*H
"Check the outer casings for markings, you know, serial numbers."
M*A*S*H
"Not the bombs, mine. The bomb is ticking away loud and clear."
M*A*S*H
"Well, yes? It‘s me... Corporal Klinger."
M*A*S*H
"— There‘s only one thing to do. — Yes?"
M*A*S*H
"I was saving this for New Year‘s Eve, but..."
M*A*S*H
"|fthat bomb should explode, I‘m prepared for us..."
M*A*S*H
"to go offtogether, Margaret."
M*A*S*H
"Wejust have to sit and wait. Can‘t even get that game on the radio."
M*A*S*H
"— Uh, Lieutenant? — Yes, Radar?"
M*A*S*H
"Then the whites are worth 25 cents, the blues are worth 50 cents,"
M*A*S*H
"First, you need a wrench."
M*A*S*H
"[Man On PA System] Attention! The final score——"
M*A*S*H
"The bomb has to be defused."
M*A*S*H
"[Announcer] Navy, having won the toss, has elected to receive."
M*A*S*H
"Unless, ofcourse, the bomb don‘t go off."
M*A*S*H
"No sad songs."
M*A*S*H
"I‘llcall."
M*A*S*H
"I run across that field and tape that leg good and tight, then run off."
M*A*S*H
"They‘re not gettin‘ me out. They‘re only gettin‘ me whistles."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, who bought it?"
M*A*S*H
"| just need a moment to compose myself. Always, before a crisis."
M*A*S*H
"Exactly! Why, you‘re—— You‘re a very nice—looking young man."
M*A*S*H
"At the draft board, I ate the eye chart,"
M*A*S*H
"Ijust hope I‘m here when you do."
M*A*S*H
"Only weighed 120 pounds."
M*A*S*H
"Anyway, Crazy snaps one off, throws a bomb to Tanker Washington."
M*A*S*H
"Old Tank runs it down to the Ohio State one—foot line."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s whose?"
M*A*S*H