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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Jim Nabors (S01E01)

"following me all around the theater."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Yeah, I know. His name is Scooter."
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"Cute. Cute name. Yeah."
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"and giving me these jokes for my act,"
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"and they are awful."
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"Fozzie, how would you know?"
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"How would I know? Smarty frog."
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"OK, OK, listen. Here's one of these jokes he gave me."
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"Hilda, Gonzo, this is one of these jokes."
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"I stay at a hotel so exclusive,"
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"room service has an unlisted number."
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"(all laugh)"
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"That's funny!"
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"Scooter! Scooter!"
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"And here they are, the world's finest"
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"and most morally unobjectionable singing team -"
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"Wayne and Wanda."
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"And now, "Indian Love Call.""
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"♪ When I'm calling yo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ou"
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"Hey, baby. You called?"
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"Oh!"
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"(sobs)"
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"OK, uh..."
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"uh, here we are, moving right along now,"
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"the comedy star of our show -"
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"the man who comes to us direct from a very long engagement,"
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"but a very short marriage,"
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"the man who thinks that Elton John is a singing bathroom,"
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"I'd like to bring out one of the top comics of the business..."
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"Hey, since he's not here, bring out the regular guy."
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"OK, here he is now, our very own barrel of boffs,"
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"Mr. Fozzie Bear!"
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"(applause)"
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"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
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"Time for fun with Fozzie Bear."
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"Here's some jokes from everywhere."
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"Hey, hey, hey, it's that silly bear."
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"It's time for the audience to go elsewhere."
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"(clears throat) If you don't mind,"
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"I'll do the jokes."
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"We don't mind. But when are you gonna do 'em?"
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"Pay no attention to them, folks."
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"They don't bother me. I can handle hecklers in my sleep."
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"They're asleep, too."
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"Uh, uh... Oh, yeah?"
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"Yeah!"
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"Oh. Oh, yeah? Yeah!"
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"Oh, yeah? Yeah!"
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"Oh, yeah? Yeah!"
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"Uh... listen."
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"I'm going to tell you my best joke, and if you don't laugh,"
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"then I'll never come back out on this stage again, OK?"
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"It's a deal. Yeah."
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"Oh."
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"Ah. Ah, uh, uh..."
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"These two cannibals were talking."
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"One cannibal says to the other cannibal,"
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""Who was that lady I saw you out with last night?""
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"The other cannibal says,"
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""That was no lady, that was my lunch.""
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"That was my worst joke."
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"Oh, I love me when I'm good. Pacing, timing..."
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"Why did we laugh at that terrible joke?"
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"Well, either we're getting soft,"
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"or we're in the first stages of senility."
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"(strong Southern accent) Go-o-olly."
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"and I gotta be real careful, not let anybody in here."
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"Uh-oh. Here comes somebody now. (sings)"
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"Wait! Stop right there. Stop right there."
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"Put up your hands. Put up your hands. I beg pardon?"
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"Your hands. Put 'em up."
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"Oh. Oh, OK."
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"Those are my hens. Where shall I put 'em?"
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"Well, right here on the table, I guess."
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"OK."
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"Now wait a minute, wait a minute."
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"What rat do I have?"
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"Well, I got this rat right here."
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"Oh, well, I guess you do have a "rat" to be here."
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"Mmm. Thank you. Now wait a minute."
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"Don't move a hair. OK."
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"What's that? That's the hare I'm not supposed to move."
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"Now wait a minute. I don't want any beef out of you."
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"Now, now, now wait just a minute."
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"What are all you animals doing here?"
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"This is supposed to be a bakery."
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"You see, the farmer's been losing money."
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"We came here to raise some dough!"
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"Well, well, well, I'm sure glad we got that straightened out."
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"For a minute there, I thought you were just being silly."
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""Let me tell you about my nearsighted cousin..."
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"Hi, Fozzie. Let me tell you...""
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"Oh. Oh. Hi. Hi, Scooter."
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"I think you're the greatest comedian there ever was."
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"Me?"
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"You think that I'm the... Oh, wow."
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"Really, I mean it. Cross my heart. Yeah?"
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"You're the best. Nobody, nobody tells a joke as good as you."
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"Every line, every joke, everything you say,"
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"it makes me fall down laughing."
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"You're a million laughs. OK. Hey, hey..."
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"in that case, "Let me tell you about my nearsighted cousin."
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""He's so rich"
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"his automobile's fitted with a prescription windshield.""
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"OK, tell me about him."
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"Lucky his uncle owns this place."
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"That was a joke!"
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"And now, once again, folks, Mr. Jim Nabors."
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"♪ Well, life on the farm is kinda laid back"
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"♪ Ain't much an old country boy like me can't hack"
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"♪ It's early to rise and early in the sack"
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"♪ Thank God I'm a country boy"
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"♪ Simple kind of life never done me no harm"
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"♪ My days are all filled with an easy country charm"
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"♪ Thank God I'm a country boy"
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"♪ Well, I got me a fine wife, I got me old fiddle"
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"♪ The sun's coming up, I got cakes on the griddle"
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"♪ Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle"
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"♪ Thank God I'm a country boy"
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"♪ Work's all done, and the sun's setting low"
The Muppet Show (1976)
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