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Clips from Three's Company - Coffee, Tea, or Jack (S02E02)

"Oh, that's easy. You see, when he comes in,"
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"I'm gonna say... [ Gasps ] "Oh, we're out of orange juice,""
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"which we both know is his favorite drink."
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"So he'll go down to the market where... "Surprise!""
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"And Mrs. Roper will be waiting to take him to The Regal Beagle, where... surprise!"
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"Mr. Roper will just happen to be waiting for a telephone call from me..."
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"Chrissy, honey, when Jack comes in, why don't you just say,"
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""Let's me and you go for a walk on the beach,""
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"then keep him there half an hour and come back."
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"Yeah. That might work too."
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"Aren't you gonna put a border on this cake?"
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Huh."
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"Now put some on the cake. [ Yelps ]"
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"Oh, hi. Oh, I'm sorry. I must have the wrong apartment."
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"Oh, who did you want? I was looking for a man."
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"Who isn't?"
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"I thought Jack Tripper lived here."
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"Oh, yeah. He does. Oh, well, in that case,"
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"will you tell him Susan Walters is here?"
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"but, see, he's not here right now."
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"But we expect him back real soon."
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"Oh, good. I'll wait."
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"Are you the cleaning lady?"
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"No. [ Chuckles ] I live here."
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"Oh, hi. Hello. I'm Susan Walters."
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"Let me get this straight. You're all roommates?"
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"Yeah. Yeah. But we're just good friends. That's all."
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"Oh, right. We wouldn't want you to think there was anything more."
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"Why would I think that?"
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"Well, Susan, we should apologize."
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"I mean, we don't usually walk around looking like this."
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"Oh, I never judge by appearances."
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"After all, people can't help the way they look."
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"[ Clears Throat ] Are you and Jack good friends?"
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"- Yes, we are. - How good?"
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"- Chrissy! - We're very close."
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"Funny, Jack never mentioned you before."
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"Not lately. Uh, I've been doing a lot of flying."
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"Oh, yeah, I see. Right. Oh, sure. With him on the ground and you in the air."
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"Must have been hard for your two to connect."
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"I mean, hard to get it together."
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"I mean, I think I'm doing it again."
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"Uh, Susan, we expect Jack back real soon. You see, this is his birthday."
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"His birthday? Uh-huh."
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"- And we're planning a big surprise. - But nothing like yours."
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"I had no idea it was his birthday. Well..."
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"May I use your bathroom to freshen up?"
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"Sure."
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"Oh. Thank you. Sure."
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"That has to freshen up?"
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"Boy, all the time we thought Jack was out cooking,"
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"he was really out cooking."
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"Hi. [ Both Chuckling ]"
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"Jack... [ Clears Throat ] There's a girl here to see you."
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"Yeah?"
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"I don't see her. She's in the bathroom."
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"We'll give you a hint. Coffee, tea or milk?"
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"[ Susan ] ♪ You light up my life ♪"
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"♪ You give me hope ♪ Oh, no."
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"♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] That's Susan."
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"Are you kidding me? That's Susan Walters."
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"Oh, no. I can't bel... This is all I need. Susan he... Oh, no."
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"Jack, are you all right? Do you want to sit down?"
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"You mean I'm still standing? ♪♪ [ Continues ]"
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"Jack, what kind of relationship did you two have?"
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"Well, at first it was very good. ♪♪ [ Ends ]"
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"Well, what happened?"
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"Chrissy, it's such a long story..."
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"She left me."
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"Doesn't sound long to me."
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"Yeah, it's... it's just as well. It became so painful just seeing her."
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"It was like a drug. I mean, I..."
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"Every time I spoke her name or heard... or heard somebody talk about her,"
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"I was like Jell-O."
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"Oh, now, come on. You're exaggerating."
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"Exaggerating? Janet, I... I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep."
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"I got stomachaches and headaches."
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"Well, why didn't you stay away from her?"
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"And make myself miserable?"
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"[ Mutters ]"
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"Hey, are you saying that she left you more than once? Are you kidding, Chrissy?"
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"She filed me away so many times I thought I had a catalog number."
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"Aw, poor Jack."
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"Yeah. Well, I... I finally played my last card."
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"You know, I really wanted to hold onto her. You know what I'm talking about?"
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"So I... I suggested that we make our relationship permanent."
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"Well, she walked out on me, and I never saw her again."
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"Oh, Chrissy, I don't know."
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"That is so strange, because she acted like she really liked you a lot."
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"Yeah? Yeah."
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"Oh, yeah, me and every other man across the country. I was just her L.A. connection."
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"I gotta get out of here. Aren't you gonna stay and say hello?"
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"No way. If I say hello, it's good-bye."
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"One look at her with those and that and the... I gotta get out of here."
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"No."
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"Jack, if you don't face up to her now, you will never get over her."
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"Huh? Don't you see?"
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"This is a perfect opportunity for you to prove to yourself that it is really over."
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"Yeah. Yeah. You're right. That's good. Thank you, Janet."
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"You know, it's been over a year since I've seen her."
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"I've matured a lot since then. Whoa."
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"You know what I mean. Yeah."
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"Just because she's in the next room, I don't have to fall to pieces. Look at this."
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"All you have to do is just be cool."
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"- All right. Be cool. I'll be an iceberg. - Yeah!"
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"I'll be like Bogey in Casablanca."
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"Remember when Ingrid Bergman came crawling to him?"
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"He showed no mercy. He was an iceberg."
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"- Hello, Susan. - How are you, Jack?"
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"Quite well. And yourself?"
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"Oh, don't you know? I came in for your birthday."
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"You remembered my birthday?"
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"Oh, how could I forget?"
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"Do you remember how we celebrated my birthday last year?"
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"Oh, Susan!"
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"Susan, Susan."
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"Jack, Jack."
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"Sick, sick."
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"I feel it's a little crowded in here."
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