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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Jean Stapleton (S03E03)

"[stammers] When we were booking Jean for the show,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I was expecting a call from my tailor."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Your tailor? - Yeah."
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"When a guy phoned and asked me if I liked Jean Stapleton"
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"I said that I don't wear jeans"
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"and I certainly wouldn't want them stapled on."
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"Stapled on."
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"Jeans... ears."
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"[groans] Help me."
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"- Yes, by about two minutes. - Gotcha."
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"Well, we'd like to get the show off to a great start,"
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"but having failed that, let's head for the border!"
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"[♪ Tico Tico]"
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"♪ Tico Tico, Tico Tico Tock ♪"
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"♪ Tico Tico, he's the cuckoo in my clock ♪"
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"♪ And when he says "cuckoo" he means it's time to woo ♪"
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"♪ So speak, oh, Tico, tell me if it's getting late ♪"
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"♪ If I'm on time, cuckoo But if I'm late, woo-woo ♪"
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"♪ The one my heart is gone to may not want to wait ♪"
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"♪ For just a birdie and a birdie who goes nowhere ♪"
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"♪ He knows of every lover's lane and how to go there ♪"
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"♪ For in affairs of the heart my Tico's terribly smart ♪"
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"♪ He tells me, "Gently sentimentally at the start!" ♪"
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"♪ Oh, we hear the little Tico Tico calling ♪"
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"♪ Because the time is right and shades of night are falling ♪"
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"[all trilling, shouting]"
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"♪ For in affairs of the heart My Tico's terribly smart ♪"
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"♪ He tells me, "Gently sentimentally at the start!" ♪"
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"♪ Oh, we hear the little Tico Tico calling ♪"
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"♪ Because the time is right and shades of night are falling ♪"
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"♪ I love that not-so-cuckoo cuckoo in the clock ♪"
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"[all cheering]"
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"You're crazy."
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"I thought so."
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"Tico Tico. Ahh."
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"No pictures backstage. Out, out!"
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"Buenos días, Señor Kermit."
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"Gonzo, you weren't in that last number."
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"No. I'm learning Spanish for my new act."
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"- Uh, makes sense. - Gracias."
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"- I'm gonna go rehearse now. - Great. Adiós."
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"What?"
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"- Uh, goodbye. - Oh, goodbye."
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"- Adiós. Whatever. - [snickering]"
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"Kermit, look!"
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"They're gone! My Mexican jumping beans were in this dish and they're gone!"
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"Well, maybe, uh, somebody ate them."
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"Ate my stars? Kermit."
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"- It wasn't you, was it? - Uh, no, Gonzo, it wasn't me."
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"- Ah! Ah! - Arriba."
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"- Arriba. - Ah!"
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"- Animal! Come back here! - What?"
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"You ate my stars!"
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"Animal, you gotta get on stage for the band!"
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"[both shouting]"
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"Arriba!"
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"[dish breaks]"
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"And now, ladies and gentlemen,"
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"it's time for our special guest star,"
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"comedian, actress, singer and very nice lady,"
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"Uh, gentlemen, lady..."
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"- What? - What seems to be the problem, Jean?"
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"Well, uh, that music,"
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"it doesn't seem to be the right music."
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"- May I see it, please? - It seems normal to me."
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"very elaborate pretentious orchestration."
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"- What's it called? - Elaborate Pretensions for Orchestras."
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"Uh, couldn't we just do that nice, simple piece?"
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"Well, how about a nice, simple Latin American riff?"
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"- [hums a tune] - Arriba!"
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"- No Latin stuff tonight. - No. No, thank you."
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"It's that sweet, simple duet that I rehearsed with Fozzie."
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"- Where is Fozzie? - I know how that one goes."
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"- It goes like this... - [piano plays]"
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"Oh, yes. Thank you. That's it."
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"[♪ Play a Simple Melody]"
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"♪ Won't you play ♪"
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"♪ A simple melody ♪"
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"♪ Like my mother ♪"
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"♪ Sang to me ♪"
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"♪ One with good old-fashioned ♪"
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"♪ Harmony ♪"
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"♪ Melody ♪"
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"- Fozzie? Fozzie? - Here I am, Jean."
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"- Where's your ukulele? - Oh, I forgot!"
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"You're a dingbat."
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"I was only kidding. Go!"
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"♪ Musical demon Set your honey a-dreamin' ♪"
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"♪ Won't you play me some rag ♪"
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"♪ Just change that classical nag ♪"
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"♪ To some sweet beautiful drag ♪"
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"♪ If you will play from a copy ♪"
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"♪ Of a tune that is choppy ♪"
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"♪ You'll get all my applause ♪"
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"♪ And that is simply because ♪"
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"♪ I want to listen to rag ♪"
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"- ♪ Won't you play me some rag ♪ - ♪ Play a simple melody ♪"
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"- ♪ Just change that classical nag ♪ - ♪ Like my mother ♪"
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"- ♪ If you will play from a copy ♪ - ♪ One with ♪"
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"- ♪ Of a tune that is choppy ♪ - ♪ Good old-fashioned ♪"
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"- ♪ You'll get all my applause ♪ - ♪ Harmony ♪"
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"- ♪ That is simply because ♪ - ♪ Play a simple ♪"
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"- ♪ I want to listen to rag ♪ - ♪ Melody ♪"
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"Come on, everybody! Sing!"
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"♪ Musical demon Set your honey a-dreamin' ♪"
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"- ♪ Won't you play me some rag ♪ - ♪ Play a simple melody ♪"
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"- ♪ Just change that classical nag ♪ - ♪ Like my mother ♪"
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"- ♪ To some sweet beautiful drag ♪ - ♪ Sang to me ♪"
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"- ♪ If you will play from a copy ♪ - ♪ One with ♪"
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"- ♪ Of a tune that is choppy ♪ - ♪ Good old-fashioned ♪"
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"- ♪ You'll get all my applause ♪ - ♪ Harmony ♪"
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"- ♪ That is simply because ♪ - ♪ Play a simple ♪"
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"- ♪ I want to listen to rag ♪ - ♪ Melody ♪"
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"- Now you! - ♪ I want to listen to rag ♪"
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"Me! ♪ I want to listen to rag ♪"
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"Boy, that number was something else!"
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"- You mean it was good? - No, it was something else."
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"OK, 13 and 75..."
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"Look, somebody ordered a sandwich from the canteen."
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"I don't know. You'll have to ask around."
The Muppet Show (1976)
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