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Clips from Abbott Elementary - Student Transfer (S01E01)

"All right. Attendance time."
Abbott Elementary
"So, raise your hand if you're not here."
Abbott Elementary
"(laughter)"
Abbott Elementary
"All right. So Nicole's not here."
Abbott Elementary
"(intercom beeps)"
Abbott Elementary
"AVA: Janine, come to my office."
Abbott Elementary
"- Ooh! - Ooh!"
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"All right, everybody, uh, settle down."
Abbott Elementary
"Okay, everyone's who's not here, please be good, all right?"
Abbott Elementary
"I'll be right back."
Abbott Elementary
"Mm-hmm. She'll be right back."
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"Can she see me?"
Abbott Elementary
"(plastic pops)"
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"Hey, girl."
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"Hey, Ava."
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"You know I can't just leave my classroom"
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"unattended like this, right?"
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"It's five minutes. It's not like something"
Abbott Elementary
"could go wrong in five minutes."
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"A lot can go wrong, actually."
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"If you say so. Anyway, one of Melissa's students"
Abbott Elementary
"will be transferring into your class."
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"Really? Why?"
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"Girl, I don't know. Things happen all day."
Abbott Elementary
"Maybe she wants to be closer to the bathroom."
Abbott Elementary
"Maybe she like you more."
Abbott Elementary
"Maybe she got some kind of Meek Mill-Drake feud"
Abbott Elementary
"going on with one of her classmates. I don't know."
Abbott Elementary
"Maybe she likes me better."
Abbott Elementary
"If you really want to know, you should read her file."
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"I have them arranged by sexiest dad."
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"Her name is Courtney Pierce, and her daddy is "foine.""
Abbott Elementary
"(chuckles) No, that's okay."
Abbott Elementary
"I don't really like to read the file."
Abbott Elementary
"I like to get to know the child"
Abbott Elementary
"so I don't have any preconceived notions."
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"That's an adorable spin on choosing to be unprepared."
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"I wonder how Melissa's doing."
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"Hope she's not taking this too hard."
Abbott Elementary
"- Find out right now. - (intercom beeps)"
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"Melissa, Janine is on her way."
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"You do know that that's coming out of all the speakers,"
Abbott Elementary
"not just a specific classroom, right?"
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"I said you're on your way."
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"(plastic pops)"
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"(laughter)"
Abbott Elementary
"Looking like Ron Weasley if he was a pick-up artist."
Abbott Elementary
"This man look like he dream in podcasts."
Abbott Elementary
"(laughter)"
Abbott Elementary
"Well, look at you..."
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"ol' blue shirt..."
Abbott Elementary
"tan pants wearing guy."
Abbott Elementary
"(Jacob chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"With your bright white shoes"
Abbott Elementary
"and the laces all tied up into a little bow?"
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"Yeah. (laughs) No way those are accidentally falling off."
Abbott Elementary
"Mr. Vampire Weekend, that really hurt my feelings."
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"(softly) Oh, God."
Abbott Elementary
"Raheem, I am -- I am so sorry."
Abbott Elementary
"You should be."
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"With that Twilight-shaped mouth!"
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"Ha ha! Got 'im!"
Abbott Elementary
"That's what we're all wearing. It's a uniform."
Abbott Elementary
"You ain't even observant, dawg."
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"(laughter)"
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"They say the first year of teaching is the hardest."
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"But..."
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"(sighs) What about the second year?"
Abbott Elementary
"- Minus $1 equals -- - Hey, Melissa. Hey."
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"- What? - Uh, sorry."
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"I know you talked to Ava, so this is awkward."
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"W-Why would it be awkward?"
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"Oh, just the whole your student preferring me thing."
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"Oh, yeah, no. Not awkward at all. Just..."
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"there's a couple things that you should know about Courtney"
Abbott Elementary
"before you take her into your class."
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"I know you're more experienced than I am,"
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"but this transfer kind of proves"
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"I've got something special in my classroom"
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"that's got the kids a-talkin'."
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"Courtney, come over here, hon."
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"It's time for you to go with"
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"your very confident new teacher, Ms. Teagues."
Abbott Elementary
"Why don't you go get your stuff? (chuckles)"
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"I'm like the Allen Iverson of teachers,"
Abbott Elementary
"and you're like that guy he stepped over once."
Abbott Elementary
"You mean three-time NBA champion Tyronn Lue?"
Abbott Elementary
"- That guy? - Yes, you know basketball,"
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"but my point is, maybe I'm not a bad teacher."
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"Maybe you are."
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"Okay."
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"Courtney..."
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"I want you to go and be your wonderful self"
Abbott Elementary
"with Ms. Teagues, okay?"
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"I have no doubt that you're gonna have"
Abbott Elementary
"a great time in her class."
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"All right."
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"Have fun."
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"All right."
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"Oh, look at you all, being so well-behaved."
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"Setting a great example for our new student."
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"Hi. I'm Janine."
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"- Hi, Janine! - Hi, Janine!"
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"Uh, no. She's not Janine. Her name is --"
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"My name is Janine Teagues."
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"- Hi, Janine Teagues! - Hi, Janine Teagues!"
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"It's not Janine."
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"Yes, it is."
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"MELISSA: Courtney?"
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"One of the toughest students I've ever had."
Abbott Elementary
"She's gonna eat Janine alive."
Abbott Elementary
"Okay, everyone, please stand for the Pledge of Allegiance."
Abbott Elementary
"Except for Andrew, who is taking a principled stand"
Abbott Elementary
"against nationalism."
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"Yes. All right."
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"Everyone else? I..."
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"STUDENTS: I pledge allegiance to the flag"
Abbott Elementary
"of the United States of Courtney."
Abbott Elementary
"And to the Courtney for which it stands,"
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"one nation under Courtney, indivisible,"
Abbott Elementary
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