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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - Ghosts (S02E02)

"Laszlo, he's wearing your old night skirt."
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"He is. Got nothing underneath it by the looks of it."
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"It's like looking in the mirror."
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"So handsome."
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"I didn't even know"
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"I had any unfinished business when I died."
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"But, as you can see,"
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"I have a ghost,"
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"so there must be something."
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"(ghost shouting in foreign language)"
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"Guillermo, can you help him with that, please?"
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"-He seems very agitated and restless. -(shouting)"
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"And also, he doesn't seem to speak any English."
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"Excuse me."
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"(speaking foreign language)"
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"I can't believe I've completely forgotten"
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"how to speak Al Qolnidarese."
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"My own language. So embarrassing."
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"Guillermo, what is he saying?"
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"How-how would I know?"
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"I do remember how to say "Good morning," though."
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"GHOST NANDOR: Aspam..."
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"Sob bekher."
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"Baleh?"
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"Sob bekher."
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"(speaking foreign language)"
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"Yeah, no, that's all I've got."
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"Aspam oonjahss."
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"You could have learned to play the bouzouki,"
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"you could have learned to play the zither,"
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"you could have warmed six million flatbreads on hot coals."
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"You could have done one thousand things"
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"a one thousand times, but what have you done?"
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"Well, I have some things I've been planning on getting to."
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"Maláka! All you do is sit around this house"
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"with these two dumb men just talking"
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"about their willies and their arseholes."
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"I wouldn't call them dumb."
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"-And their farts. -Whatever."
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"Enough about me. What about you?"
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"How can I help you finish your unfinished business?"
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"Oh... (exclaims in Greek)"
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"You are my unfinished business."
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"How can I rest until you do something"
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"with your eternal life?"
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"Instead of sitting around here like a bump on a log's ass."
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"What? Like, learning to play the bouzouki?"
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"-That might be a start! Ugh... -Oh... (exclaims in Greek)"
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"BOTH: ...you are absolutely impossible."
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"-I am like... -(laughs)"
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"(both laugh)"
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"We said exactly the same..."
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"We did the same with the words."
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"Oh, come on."
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"Hey. I was, uh, just giving you an update on my, um..."
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"(clears throat) ...unfinished business?"
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"It remains unfinished."
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"-So, if you have... -All right, not now, Jesk."
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"Yeah, okay."
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"Who was that pasty little piece of hummus?"
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"I'm telling you, don't even go there, girly."
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"Nothing but a pain and the heartache."
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"Sounds like somebody has gone there"
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"-and then come back from there. -(laughs)"
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"Well, what can I say?"
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"I'm a ravenous little monster."
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"We both are. We're very, very horny."
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"(both laugh)"
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"I bagged this chap on a midnight sojourn to the Lake District."
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"-Keswick? -Grasmere, actually."
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"Grasmere, yeah, I used to visit a duchess in Grasmere."
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"-Yes, I remember. -Yes, of course you do."
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"Now I am led to believe that your presence here indicates"
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"some kind of unfinished business on this terrestrial plane."
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"-Indeed so. -Sorry about that, old chap."
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"-Anything I can help with? -Well, actually, yes."
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"I believe you can."
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"You remember the night you officially died, I presume?"
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"Oh, I remember it well."
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"My lovely Nadja came in through the window, took my life,"
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"thus making me the vampire you see before you now."
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"A damn handsome one at that, I might say."
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"(laughs) You're too kind."
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"Now, you remember the precise moment Nadja took our life,"
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"I was on the verge of a sexual climax."
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"Well, here's the thing. I was on the verge of fulfillment,"
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"yet I couldn't quite finish."
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"Ah. I see."
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"You want to finish your final human orgasm?"
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"Yes. I have tried to finish myself off with these hands,"
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"but they're ghost hands."
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"-They don't have the necessary stimulus. -Hmm."
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"How irritating."
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"Yeah, whereas your meat hands, I'm convinced,"
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"would give me the traction for full sexual release."
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"Things are not going so great."
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"The language barrier is insurmountable."
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"Een khar asan zabooneh khodesham yadesh nist."
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"Khejahlatam khoob chisiyeh."
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"Evah."
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"Aspam oonjahss."
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"You want to learn how to paint?"
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"Nah. Aspam."
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"Aspam John."
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"Yes, my horse John."
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"John."
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"Yes."
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"I get it now."
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"Aspam John."
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"Areh. Aspam John."
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"Aspam means "my horse.""
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"John."
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"NANDOR: John was my closest companion."
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"Closer than even members of my own family."
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"House slaves, concubines,"
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"37 wives."
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"Sometimes I would feed him nuts and berries from my own mouth."
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"He would accompany me everywhere."
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"On the battlefield,"
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"as I relentlessly slaughtered thousands of enemies."
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