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Clips from Tour De Pharmacy (2017)

"JuJu Peppi not surprisingly at the front of the pack."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"And it looks like we've got a beautiful fan up ahead!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Wright: And JuJu went in for the grope and is losing balance!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Wright: People are beginning to stand,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"which is a good sign. Is-a not my fault!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I lose-a sight of the road! Man: Hey, JuJu!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"People: Whoa!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(distorted voice)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Hamm: Jabin Dolchey was known for two things:"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Fighting and his outfits that he claimed to be made"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"He was an odd bird,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"and he seemed proud of what everyone could see"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"was a very tiny, misshaped penis."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(distorted voice)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Hamm: Jabin's punch kicked off the most massive scuffle in Tour history."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"These men are literally trying to tear one another apart."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Cyclists are incredible athletes"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"but a great deal of 'em fight like little bitches."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"And as is with every accident near Switzerland,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"a Saint Bernard is the first responder."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"It's really peaty."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"but I am a-- a peaceful person."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Please! No! No! I beg you!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"No! No! Please! I'm naked!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(shouting) Please put me down!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Everything I did that day,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I did in self-defense."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"The first day was canceled,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"were it not for a forsaken water bottle."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(speaks French)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(clicks) Ah!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(laughs) Ooh!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(speaks French) Woo!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(speaks French)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"If you take too strong a dose of amphetamines,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"they can act as a super powerful aphrodisiac."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(speaks French)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"No, no, no. Oui."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(speaks French) No!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"No! No!"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"No."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"No. (continues speaking French)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"When I took a large dose of amphetamines,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(man speaks)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"so we know what we're dealing with."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I actually paint what the experiences are like,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"so I can remember the effects of each drug."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Would you like to see them?"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"So, this is what I painted while I was on amphetamines."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"It's kind of what I felt like when I did the drug."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(man speaks)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Yeah."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"This is when I did crack cocaine,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(man speaks)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Oh, this is from when I did meth."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(man speaks)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Yeah."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Hamm: In an attempt to quell the media frenzy,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"the water bottle created,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Ditmer Klerken held a press conference. (reporters shouting)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Ditmer, Ditmer. There are reports that you asked every rider"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"for $50,000 if they did not want to be drug tested."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Is-- is that true? Yeah, that's true."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I mean, no. Fuck! No. I mean-- no, I mean it's not-- not true."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Ah fuck! (snorts) Ah."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Now you guys are never going to believe me"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"because I said it was true right away."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"But no, no, no, that's-- that's not true."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"and you give all the money back, for instance,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"does that mean that you could keep your job?"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Where do I even come up with this stuff?"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"And nobody ask me if I'm cheating on my wife,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"because I am. Ah! I'm kidding. (people gasp)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"in the race was disqualified for sending the bribe money."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"With only five riders left,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"it seemed the Tour would be canceled."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I didn't pay Ditmer. What I to do?"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"But if-a they end the race, then I am punished for what?"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Why punish me? Look at me."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"You put a little coke-a in your nose, take a shit,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"have great sex, wake up-a the next day,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"and you are like a... champion."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"In an unprecedented decision,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"the Tour de France to continue"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"with only the five remaining cyclists,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"these five riders will forever be known as The Fab 5."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(buzzer sounds) Hamm: Not to be confused with the Fab Five,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"the Michigan basketball team who ultimately became much more famous."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(man whispering) Who's that?"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(man 2 whispering) That's Chris Webber."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Man: Well, fuck. Who-- why did-- why did you bring him here?"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Man 2: Just wait till he goes to the bathroom, then we all leave."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"through flat plains from Basel to Nancy."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"♪ ♪"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"and I'm riding right alongside the riders,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"getting the scoop straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"And to no one's surprise, it's JuJu in the lead."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I was really impressed, what a great rider Rex was."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I mean, he was right there in the front of the pack"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"He was riding with the greatest cyclists in the world."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Got another three weeks to go."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I'm-a never die, not on a bicycle."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"That is a sure thing."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Hamm: And JuJu didn't die that day,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"but he did eventually, as you know,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"because we showed it to you at the beginning."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"But that day, he lived and won the yellow jersey,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"then celebrated that night with a well-earned massage."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"Each night, the depleted muscles"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"must be softened in readiness for the torture ahead."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"The riders' bulging, shaved quadriceps"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"and smooth, taut hamstrings"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"require deep tissue massage"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"with the finest oils available"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"and strong fingers."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"All that built up lactic acid can finally be ejaculated."
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"(cyclists moaning loudly)"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"After that, I passed out, but not before,"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
"I remember, making everybody promise"
Tour De Pharmacy (2017)
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