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Clips from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - The Disappointment of the Dionne Quintuplets (S01E01)

"And you'll tell him my name."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I didn't? Aw, fuck me."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"and today he's a salad."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Thank you and good night!"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Who sent you? - No one."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Hey, I'm not a shorthand girl."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It wasn't Buddy Hackett, was it? Oh, I didn't think he'd dare,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- No, Buddy Hackett did not... - Dana? Greene?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- If it was Greene, I swear... - Why do you assume"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- That motherfucker. - What is happening here?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Whoa! Nobody's stealing acts here."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- And in heels! - Yeah, yeah? - Okay, we're leaving."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You-you tell Hackett, he shows his face around here again,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- I'll break his other leg! - All right!"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"a valuable commodity these days. - Uh-uh."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You promised me a prime spot at the Gaslight for two weeks"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"at all. - I didn't ask for your opinion on my singing."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Okay. Come on."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Wait here. I have to make sure my manager's not looking."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Of course. - You ever seen him live?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I mean, this guy's timing? Rock solid."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"He's never off, ever."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Red Skelton. - Where the fuck is Lanie?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- We're missing him. - Mm."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"What? Oh, sorry. - RED: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It's nice to be at the Copa tonight."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Here. - Oh, thank you, ladies and gentlemen,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"it's really quite a thrill to be here."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Stand up on there. - Yeah, I get the concept."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"there were a lot of people outside. Someone yelled,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I was so embarrassed, I was sorry I yelled."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Y-You see how he... - Yep, got it."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"and have you ever seen that place?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh, this is the biggest hotel in the world, believe me."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"From your bedroom to the bathroom,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Goddamn, I love that guy."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"to get me in the room, not to dump me in the kitchen."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- I'll be right back. - Be nice."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh, I had a swell time."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Oh. - We got to go."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Not nice, not nice at all."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Fast walk, fast walk. - Mm-hmm."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"So, your brother's smart, huh?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'm so proud of him."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"He's working for the military now,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"developing a sonar machine that can talk to whales"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Is that really what your brother told you he does?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I-Invents a whale-saving machine?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Yes. Why?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"That's cute. You're cute."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"My father is closest to my brother,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You okay with that situation?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Well, I find you fascinating."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I thought maybe you were trying to be friends. - What? No."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'm just trying to inspire some thoughts for that notebook."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Seems like you want to be friends."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I do not want to be friends."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'd like to be friends."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You really think the military gives a shit about whales?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"We went out tonight like friends."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"This was school."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You know my husband left me."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You know my father likes my brother best."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"my mother went to school in Paris."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You know I made the cheerleading squad"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"but quit because my mother feared the bouncing"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"would shorten the shelf life of my breasts."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Yeah, your mother's nuts. You got to use her."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"on you making jokes about your weird life."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I ask you questions to help you figure out"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Yes."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Though you haven't had a freaking fry"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"in, like, the last three minutes."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'd like to be friends."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* Just as you were going, leaving me... *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"My brother's an asshole."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"My other brother's an asshole."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"My sister's okay, but she's married to an asshole."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"My mother washes sheets 14 hours a day."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Once a year, she gets drunk and tells us about the time"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"she came in third in the Miss Rockaway pageant,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"which is what she did for the talent portion."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"and doesn't speak to anyone for the next three weeks."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh, he's fine."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"He's a total and complete asshole."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"maybe want to do it again tomorrow?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Hit a couple clubs."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Inside, with a table and everything."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Yeah, Mom and Dad don't pay my bills."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Right. You're right. I-I'm sorry."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Look, I'm glad this helped, and I love the enthusiasm,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"but at the end of the day, you got to know"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"that there's really only one way to truly master stand-up."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* Long as I can be with you *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'd start with that whale-saving story."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"That thing's a hoot."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Miriam, come in here, please."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh, my God!"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Answer me, Miriam. - I was out."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I did not vomit."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Well, she did something in the bathroom"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"that took a very long time."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"And she did not come out looking happy."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- I'm sorry I was late, but... - But what?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You do know I'm not 16 anymore, don't you?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"We thought we did, but then you act like this,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- ...sneaking in. - I did not sneak in."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You left your baby here alone."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"With her grandparents."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh. - I-I'm kidding. Can we just lighten the mood a little?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"No, we cannot. You know the rules of this house."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Rule number one: you do not leave your towels on the floor..."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"rule number two: home by 11:00."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You can't give me a curfew."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'm a 26-year-old woman, I have two children."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Mama, this is a tad overdramatic, don't you think?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"would be very disappointed in you right now."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"No Jack Paar for you."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"What? - Because of your behavior tonight,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
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