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Clips from Scrubs - My Perspective (S06E06)

"I'd tell him, "Damn skippy, it's gonna be hard." Gandhi,"
Scrubs
"Now, is that brain of yours starting to hurt?"
Scrubs
"It should, because it's not as large as a normal-size brain."
Scrubs
"Listen carefully. Kelso lies selfishly and indiscriminately."
Scrubs
"This is half an ibuprofen. It is the perfect dose for your pea-sized brain."
Scrubs
"Take it after I leave. You'll save yourself the embarrassment."
Scrubs
"Dr. Dorian? I promised the Janitor I'd show you this e-mail."
Scrubs
"Can you guys look away? I need to enter my password."
Scrubs
"Alligator3. Okay, you can look now."
Scrubs
"Ahoy! I just wanted to update you on my trip."
Scrubs
"Yesterday, we took over the ship. Captured a bunch of people"
Scrubs
"and tied them up, pirate-style. Now, we can do whatever we want,"
Scrubs
"including this. Watch."
Scrubs
"(LAUGING) Anything goes, man."
Scrubs
"I gotta go, it's my turn to steer. Step on the gas!"
Scrubs
"Hey, thinking about you, hope everything's going as well for you."
Scrubs
"It's not. I can't even convince the voice in my head"
Scrubs
"that things are gonna turn around."
Scrubs
"we'll cheer you up. Come on."
Scrubs
"Any other day, I'd say "No," but today, I'm gonna go ahead"
Scrubs
"wallowing on your couch drinking Scotch like it was vodka."
Scrubs
"- and he passes out when he poos. - Okay, you're going to help him."
Scrubs
"But just answer me this one question. After six long years,"
Scrubs
"aren't you getting tired of taking care of him?"
Scrubs
"But forgetting things isn't always bad."
Scrubs
"That guy is such a meathead. I always thought you surgeons were"
Scrubs
"Still don't know what I'm sayin'? I was an average student."
Scrubs
"Really?"
Scrubs
"But when I realized I wanted to be a surgeon, I got my act together."
Scrubs
"I wouldn't do it. Okay?"
Scrubs
"Okay."
Scrubs
"I'll see you tonight, Dad."
Scrubs
"I'm a loser."
Scrubs
"I wash it every day, I condition, but I just can't get it where I want it."
Scrubs
"J.D.: And even though I'd finally gotten a totally sincere,"
Scrubs
"- No, thanks. I have plans. - Thank you, God! Yes, that still counts."
Scrubs
"You can stick to your convictions and hopefully get rewarded."
Scrubs
"Are we clear?"
Scrubs
"Even if other people end up a little peeved."
Scrubs
"And, yeah, my life was still in the crapper, but it felt good to finally"
Scrubs
"Time for phase three of Operation: Boy Who Cried Wolf."
Scrubs
"Now, Jason, we've worked on this all week, right?"
Scrubs
"Here's what you're thinking. I'm lost in the city, I'm hungry,"
Scrubs
"and this is the guy that killed my mom with a snowmobile."
Scrubs
"And go!"
Scrubs
"(GROWLING)"
Scrubs
"(SCREAMING)"
Scrubs
"Yup, things were finally looking up."
Scrubs
"Carla, he'll pass out when he poops."
Scrubs
"When she ran for the door, tripped and fell and broke her femur."
Scrubs
"Now she's suing the hospital, and since Ted is our lawyer,"
Scrubs
"Yeah. It's a custodial cruise."
Scrubs
"Where else are you gonna get that?"
Scrubs
"but I feel like things are looking up."
Scrubs
"Last one down gets to take care of J.D."
Scrubs
"(COUGHING)"
Scrubs
"that means I'm down. Run in and check on me."
Scrubs
"Apparently, I like bananas, and whoa, I'm getting more surgery tomorrow?"
Scrubs
"You know what? You should have a nurse write that down."
Scrubs
"Anyway, eventually I realized that your troubles don't seem so bad"
Scrubs
"You know what else sucks about my life?"
Scrubs
"Now even my neighbors are screwing with my head."
Scrubs
"Yeah, they do."
Scrubs
"(CLEARING THROAT)"
Scrubs
"After I became a member of the gang,"
Scrubs
"- MAN: Kick him! - You like that, you punk-ass bitch?"
Scrubs
"May I have everyone's attention please?"
Scrubs
"Now, you and I both know he's a goner, but if he were to come out here"
Scrubs
"See that guy over there? Now, the only way he is ever gonna"
Scrubs
"J.D.: What do you want me to say, man?"
Scrubs
"a bunch of brainiacs. I'm sure you got straight A's since pre-school, right?"
Scrubs
"because I couldn't stand it for two hours, let alone six years."
Scrubs
"Okay, he bought the fake cruise."
Scrubs
"If he calls the cops now, nobody's coming."
Scrubs
"JANITOR: (EXCLAIMING) Seriously, bad wolfie, bad wolfie!"
Scrubs
"Not in the face, not in the face! Jason, stop! Janitor. Wrong guy!"
Scrubs
"Take it!"
Scrubs
"What do you say?"
Scrubs
"Oh, man! No, Jason. No! Whoa!"
Scrubs
"And you're taking a mop?"
Scrubs
"Yeah, a couple years ago."
Scrubs
"- Wait, have you been drinking? - A little, all right."
Scrubs
"I finish taking frightened bunnies on rounds."
Scrubs
"You hear that, everybody? I do have it rough,"
Scrubs
"Am I right?"
Scrubs
"He's leaving, plus I have friends"
Scrubs
"- So are you saying I should lie? - Of course not."
Scrubs
"I can't get Dr. Cox to notice me."
Scrubs
"Don't you have something you want to say?"
Scrubs
"Officer, we both know you're not gonna haul me in for that."
Scrubs
"- Help me out. - Help me."
Scrubs
"He's upset with me, but he won't talk about it"
Scrubs
"J.D.: I'm such a total loser. My girlfriend and I broke up,"
Scrubs
"Milos is so lucky."
Scrubs
"We could all learn from whatever attending did that."
Scrubs
"Okay, fine."
Scrubs
"You're right, my friend. Man is the only animal that wears pants during twosies."
Scrubs
"Buzz is mad."
Scrubs
"To treat it, I have to work on reducing my stress."
Scrubs
"You have a small bowel obstruction. Basically, the shrapnel in your stomach"
Scrubs
"And then one day I found out that he was sleeping with his students,"
Scrubs
"I'm close by. I'll just push my scooter home."
Scrubs
"I come back. Finish later."
Scrubs
"Are you kidding me?"
Scrubs
"(HOWLING)"
Scrubs
"- Dr. Kelso... - Ooth."
Scrubs
"This will only make you stronger."
Scrubs
"(STUTTERING) Well, she started to hyperventilate,"
Scrubs
"What's hard about being black?"
Scrubs
"(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) "I'll kill you, bitches!""
Scrubs
"what's going to happen?"
Scrubs
"I do now."
Scrubs
"Oh."
Scrubs
"He pooped in our house!"
Scrubs
"I'm sure you got straight A's since pre-school, right?"
Scrubs
"And for extra fun, guess who I got to replace you?"
Scrubs
"- That's hardcore, man. - Why'd he hang up his pants?"
Scrubs
"In this state, that's drinking and driving."
Scrubs
"Dr. Radovichovniciviszik's operating skills."
Scrubs
"There you are. You gotta help pull J.D. Out of this spiral."
Scrubs
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