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Clips from Family Guy - If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin' (S02E02)

"You must be seeing things."
Family Guy
"Peter, why are these people here?"
Family Guy
""As they dig my grave, as they dig my grave""
Family Guy
"Hey, Dad, they're singing a song about me!"
Family Guy
"Hi, Mom."
Family Guy
"Hello, Mr. Griffin."
Family Guy
"We just came by to see if your son's taken a media-friendly turn for the worse."
Family Guy
"No. Everything's fine. Thanks for checking. Bye-bye."
Family Guy
"...and got that crappy Gumbel show back on the air!"
Family Guy
"- You owe us a body! - What?"
Family Guy
"Excuse me for a minute."
Family Guy
"You pretended Chris was dying to save a TV show?"
Family Guy
"You're a monster!"
Family Guy
"Thank you."
Family Guy
"You tell that man the truth!"
Family Guy
"Just out of curiosity..."
Family Guy
"- Shoot. - What happens if he's not really dying?"
Family Guy
"You go to jail for defrauding a charitable organization."
Family Guy
"Will you excuse us?"
Family Guy
"Chris is all better! I cured him!"
Family Guy
"You cured him?"
Family Guy
"Okay. Safe drive."
Family Guy
"What do you have to say to that?"
Family Guy
"I'm not going to jail, Chris doesn't have to die..."
Family Guy
"You're a great role model."
Family Guy
"What kind of man devalues the life of his child for a TV show?"
Family Guy
"Anyone who wouldn't pretend their own son is dying..."
Family Guy
"...to get the Gumbels back on TV is a racist."
Family Guy
"It's him! It's Peter Griffin! The miracle healer of Quahog!"
Family Guy
"Heal me, O great one!"
Family Guy
"You see what your lies have done? They think you're some kind of healer."
Family Guy
"I'll handle it."
Family Guy
"I read a book about this sort of thing once."
Family Guy
"Are you sure it was a book?"
Family Guy
"These poor, deluded people think you have divine powers."
Family Guy
"Praise Peter!"
Family Guy
"- We are your servants. - It's a miracle!"
Family Guy
"What would you have us do, O great healer of Quahog?"
Family Guy
"There's really no need to do anything. Paint my house."
Family Guy
"It's bad enough to lie to your family..."
Family Guy
"...but how can you let these people think you're a healer?"
Family Guy
"This is pure exploitation."
Family Guy
"Those films my cousin Rufus used to do were pure exploitation."
Family Guy
"...and Black Kramer v. Kramer, comes a funky flick so bad..."
Family Guy
"...you gonna say, "Damn, that's funky.""
Family Guy
"Damn!"
Family Guy
"Rufus Griffin stars in..."
Family Guy
"...Black to the Future."
Family Guy
"We're talking Marty McSuperfly, dig?"
Family Guy
"Marty, I want to be your fine, sweet-ass bitch."
Family Guy
"Damn! Brother done kissed his mama!"
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah."
Family Guy
"Get me Isaac Hayes."
Family Guy
"Isaac, you know that new sound you been looking for?"
Family Guy
"Come on, Lois. Stop being such a stick in the mud."
Family Guy
"I'm giving these saps hope."
Family Guy
"And I'm getting the house painted for free."
Family Guy
"It's win-freakin'-win, baby."
Family Guy
"Hey, flathead, chop-chop."
Family Guy
"Hey, great job on the lawn."
Family Guy
"Now do it again, and this time leave it a little longer."
Family Guy
"They caught the guy, and now they're interviewing him."
Family Guy
"Purse snatching, society's fault, or one man's cry for help?"
Family Guy
"What are you talking about? I wanted her freakin' money."
Family Guy
"What the hell's wrong with him?"
Family Guy
"A being who's all-knowing and all-powerful?"
Family Guy
"Someone's got a pretty high opinion of herself."
Family Guy
"Not me, Peter. God. The real God."
Family Guy
"What's the big deal?"
Family Guy
"When did God ever say He didn't want someone else..."
Family Guy
"...being worshipped like Him?"
Family Guy
"It's one of the Ten Commandments."
Family Guy
"Come on. Those were written, like, 200 years ago. Times have changed!"
Family Guy
"Okay, let's stay calm."
Family Guy
"Lois, if you're scared, I'll hold you until the lights are on again."
Family Guy
"That's the last of them."
Family Guy
"I still don't know how every light bulb could go out at the same time."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God."
Family Guy
"Yes?"
Family Guy
"That's not funny."
Family Guy
"I look like a freakin' Emmy."
Family Guy
"Damn it to hell!"
Family Guy
"This is embarrassing. I seem to have fleas."
Family Guy
"That's never happened before."
Family Guy
"Morning."
Family Guy
"Chris, puberty hit you like a ton of bricks."
Family Guy
"What do you mean?"
Family Guy
"Don't you see what's happening?"
Family Guy
"Of course I do, Lois."
Family Guy
"Our fresh-faced little boy is becoming a pock-marked..."
Family Guy
"...hideously disfigured man. Sunrise. Sunset."
Family Guy
"No. The light bulbs last night, my fleas, Chris' pimples."
Family Guy
"They're just like darkness, gadflies, and boils."
Family Guy
"Three of the plagues God visited upon Egypt in the Old Testament."
Family Guy
"Come on, there's a logical explanation for all those things."
Family Guy
"...and Chris has had acne problems since the fourth grade."
Family Guy
"The kids were all calling him Crisco and Pizza Face..."
Family Guy
"...and Rootin'-Tootin' Raspberry. Remember, Chris?"
Family Guy
"Now I do."
Family Guy
"Meg, what's wrong?"
Family Guy
"I was giving Stewie a bath, and..."
Family Guy
"Trust me, Meg, at his age, it's strictly involuntary."
Family Guy
"No! The water, it turned all red and goopy, like blood!"
Family Guy
"Blood?"
Family Guy
"How positively delightful. It's as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble!"
Family Guy
"My baby!"
Family Guy
"Get out there and tell those people the truth."
Family Guy
"Make them stop worshipping you before it starts hailing in my house!"
Family Guy
"There's gotta be an explanation for all this!"
Family Guy
"You want an explanation? God is pissed!"
Family Guy
"I'm just a big fake..."
Family Guy
"...like the moon landing and Marky Mark's hog in Boogie Nights..."
Family Guy
"I don't mean that completely untrue gay rumor."
Family Guy
"They're just both really phony, just like me."
Family Guy
"I'm sorry, okay? Now make it stop."
Family Guy
"This is the final plague!"
Family Guy
"Good, it's starting to get really old."
Family Guy
"The final plague is the death of the first-born son."
Family Guy
"- No! Stewie! - The first-born son."
Family Guy
"- Meg. - Your wife."
Family Guy
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