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Clips from Perfect Strangers - Happy Birthday, Baby (S01E01)

"Well, another birthday..."
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"...another banner year of failure with a capital F for Larry Appleton."
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"Well, that's it. No more. Me, a photojournalist."
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"I may as well throw my master plan right out the window."
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"No, no, you don't throw your master plan right out the window."
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"What is a master plan?"
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"Don't they have anything on Mypos besides sheep?"
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"Well, we got a 7-Eleven."
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"See, my master plan is a schedule of how I want achieve my goal in life."
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"Oh, and at 24, you're supposed to sell a photograph."
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"At 24, I was supposed to win a Pulitzer Prize."
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"I was supposed to sell my first photograph when I was 16."
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"Well, cousin, call me cuckoo, but instead of giving up on life..."
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"...why you don't just change your plan? Give yourself more time."
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"And the year after that?"
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"Before you know it, I'm an 80-year-old aspiring photojournalist."
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"Well, I guess the way you feel, what would make you feel a little better..."
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"...would be to have a nice dinner with some friends, or maybe..."
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"...a party?"
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"A party? Are you nuts?"
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"I don't even want to hear the word, "birthday.""
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""Hey, how's it going, Larry? Whatever happened to the old master plan?""
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"That's all I need."
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"Thank God I didn't tell anyone else it's my birthday."
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"This could get ugly."
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"I'll get it. - No, no, cousin."
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"I'll take care of this."
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"Go away."
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"Took care of that."
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"Cousin, you look miserable. Why don't you go lie down?"
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"Well, I might as well get some sleep now."
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"Just hope my tears don't short-circuit the electric blanket."
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"I can't sleep."
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"Thanks."
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"Why have you got peanuts in that pocket?"
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"Because I have a squirrel in this one."
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"Cousin? Cousin, cousin, don't do that. - I'm just gonna hang up my coat."
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"No, no, you can't come in. - Balki, you invited us, remember?"
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"I've got Cousin Larry locked in the closet."
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"There's no party. I made a big mistake. Stupid Balki. Now go away."
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"Don't you ever, ever do that again."
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"Do what?"
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"What do you mean, you didn't?"
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"You shoved me in the closet and you locked the door."
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"No way."
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"Uh-uh."
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"What do you mean, no way? I am not crazy."
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"Well, you got..."
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"What door? - That door! That closet!"
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"Okay, okay."
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"Fine. You didn't lock me in. There was no one at the door."
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"We're not having this conversation. This whole day has been some cosmic joke."
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"Ha, ha! Fine. Oh!"
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"If Tony Perkins shows up wearing a dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife..."
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"...tell him I'm in the shower."
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"Hello? Oh, hello, Larry's mommy. How are you?"
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"Oh, you want to wish him a happy birthday?"
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"Well, you don't want to do that."
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"Why? He can't talk to you."
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"Why? Because he lost his voice, and that's that."
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"Oh."
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"I suppose he can just listen. All right, one moment."
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"Cousin Larry, come over here."
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"Are you done?"
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"Well, I don't know what you said, honey, but he's wearing a big, happy face."
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"Yes, he is and I just... All the best."
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"This is the most utterly miserable day of my entire miserable life."
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"You order a birthday cake? - Oh, please. Party's over."
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"Oh, hey, hey, hey. You paid for it, you take it."
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"I should've gone into motel management. Or nut farming with my uncle Leo."
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"Professional loser."
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"Well, I'll tell you, it's time for action."
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"Where are the want ads? It's time I faced reality."
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"You know, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me."
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"I like that shirt."
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"This is typical. This is so typical."
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"I am suffering a personal crisis of major proportion..."
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"...and you are off in dreamland with a stuffed sheep."
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"Wolf in the flock! Wolf in the flock!"
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"Don't do that."
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"It's 2 a.m."
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"I've spent 5 hours coming to a realization."
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"The only job I'm actually qualified for is clerk in a discount store."
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"Well, good news, you got that job already."
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"Have you noticed the time? - Yes, I've noticed the time."
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"I'm 24. Time ran out at midnight."
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"Oh, cousin, you're being too hard on yourself."
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"I'm a loser in life."
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"But you said you don't want anyone to even say "birthday.""
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"Yes, you did. - No, I didn't."
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"Well, you fooled me, buddy."
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"No one acknowledged my birthday. Not Tina, not Susan."
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"Even you, my best friend..."
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"...didn't go to the trouble of getting a card to say:"
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""Happy Birthday, Cousin Larry."
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"You may be a failure in every area of your life..."
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"...but at least you have one friend.""
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"No, cousin. Now, wait a minute. - Balki."
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"Too little, too late."
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"Doesn't matter now. My birthday's over."
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"Balki, is that you?"
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"Surprise!"
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"No, it's a surprise birthday party."
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"Oh, you really... You... You shouldn't have..."
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"Who are you people?"
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"This is Max, from the newsstand near the bus stop."
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"I gotta get downstairs for the night-owl edition."
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"Well, glad you could make it, Max."
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"Hi."
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"And this is Sandra from the doughnut shop. - Oh, hi. Hi."
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"Could you folks excuse us for just a minute?"
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"Balki, I don't know these people."
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"Now, tell me the truth. Are you really surprised?"
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"Stunned."
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"You were so sad, I decide to call up all of our friends and invite them to your party."
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"So I had to go out and invite Sandra and Max and the others..."
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"...because it's not a party if nobody comes."
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"Hey."
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"Thanks."
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"Who is that? - Well, I think it must be a friend of Lou's."
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