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Clips from NewsRadio - Bill Moves On (S05E05)

Dave looked great, didn't he?

"Dave looked great, didn't he?"

NewsRadio

You know, he put a lot of work into that eulogy of his.

"You know, he put a lot of work into that eulogy of his."

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Yeah. Yeah.

"Yeah. Yeah."

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Was it just me, or did Dave's eulogy really suck?

"Was it just me, or did Dave's eulogy really suck?"

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He just tried a little too hard and lost perspective.

"He just tried a little too hard and lost perspective."

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Is that why it was two hours and 17 minutes long?

"Is that why it was two hours and 17 minutes long?"

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Matthew, what are you doing?

"Matthew, what are you doing?"

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Hello, everyone.

"Hello, everyone."

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Your eulogy was the best.

"Your eulogy was the best."

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It was totally comprehensive.

"It was totally comprehensive."

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It didn't suck at all.

"It didn't suck at all."

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Look, um...

"Look, um..."

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I know that I blew it, and you have every right to be angry.

"I know that I blew it, and you have every right to be angry."

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A re you guys busy? No, no, no, no.

"A re you guys busy? No, no, no, no."

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In fact, uh, I was telling Dave

"In fact, uh, I was telling Dave"

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uh, how great I thought his eulogy was.

"uh, how great I thought his eulogy was."

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Why don't you tell him now?

"Why don't you tell him now?"

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Right. Okay.

"Right. Okay."

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Yeah, um, anyway, ho-how you doing? Are you all right?

"Yeah, um, anyway, ho-how you doing? Are you all right?"

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Honestly, Dave, I don't know.

"Honestly, Dave, I don't know."

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Uh, Matthew.

"Uh, Matthew."

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which he didn't tell anybody except me.

"which he didn't tell anybody except me."

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and start a boat-chartering company.

"and start a boat-chartering company."

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He finally made his-his-his little dream a reality.

"He finally made his-his-his little dream a reality."

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Yes, he did. Yes, he did.

"Yes, he did. Yes, he did."

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But I read his book.

"But I read his book."

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Oh, I promise it won't-- It won't leave this room.

"Oh, I promise it won't-- It won't leave this room."

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I think, uh, we have a little bit of a problem.

"I think, uh, we have a little bit of a problem."

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Oh, I know. He told me about Bill opening up

"Oh, I know. He told me about Bill opening up"

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a boat-chartering company in Afghanistan.

"a boat-chartering company in Afghanistan."

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up in the Himalayas in his own private submarine.

"up in the Himalayas in his own private submarine."

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which is nice, too.

"which is nice, too."

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Matthew, can I talk to you just for a few minutes?

"Matthew, can I talk to you just for a few minutes?"

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Sure, Lisa. What up?

"Sure, Lisa. What up?"

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You know what? I bet he put the sub on auto-pilot.

"You know what? I bet he put the sub on auto-pilot."

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down to the right depth, it all evens out.

"down to the right depth, it all evens out."

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Right. No problem.

"Right. No problem."

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Huh?

"Huh?"

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Oh, yes. Just one second, though,

"Oh, yes. Just one second, though,"

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because first I'd like to talk to Beth.

"because first I'd like to talk to Beth."

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And Mr. James, and Joe, in here. Alone. Now.

"And Mr. James, and Joe, in here. Alone. Now."

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I am really very afraid of what's going to happen to him

"I am really very afraid of what's going to happen to him"

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when he finally realizes that Bill is gone.

"when he finally realizes that Bill is gone."

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He's probably just having a weird reaction.

"He's probably just having a weird reaction."

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I'm sure we all had weird reactions when we found out.

"I'm sure we all had weird reactions when we found out."

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I know I did.

"I know I did."

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Yeah? What'd you do?

"Yeah? What'd you do?"

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and climbed into bed with them.

"and climbed into bed with them."

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That's not so weird.

"That's not so weird."

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My mom didn't think so, but that was the first time

"My mom didn't think so, but that was the first time"

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I met her new husband.

"I met her new husband."

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He snores too much, but I put a stop to that.

"He snores too much, but I put a stop to that."

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What about you, Mr. James?

"What about you, Mr. James?"

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I mean, the whole situation,

"I mean, the whole situation,"

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heh, got me so angry and confused

"heh, got me so angry and confused"

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I sort of punched a hole in the wall.

"I sort of punched a hole in the wall."

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Did you hurt yourself?

"Did you hurt yourself?"

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Even though, I specifically told my contractor to use concrete.

"Even though, I specifically told my contractor to use concrete."

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So I, you know, went outside. I saw the landscaper's backhoe

"So I, you know, went outside. I saw the landscaper's backhoe"

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you've been building for three years.

"you've been building for three years."

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Yeah, yeah, pretty much. I mean, thank God.

"Yeah, yeah, pretty much. I mean, thank God."

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Thank God I had that tree fort built

"Thank God I had that tree fort built"

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or I'd, uh, be sleeping on the street right now.

"or I'd, uh, be sleeping on the street right now."

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Where'd you go?

"Where'd you go?"

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And then somehow I ended up standing

"And then somehow I ended up standing"

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outside Bill's apartment building, and--

"outside Bill's apartment building, and--"

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So I figured out which window was his

"So I figured out which window was his"

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and then I just started yelling, you know, "Bill. Hey, Bill."

"and then I just started yelling, you know, "Bill. Hey, Bill.""

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And then what happened? Well, finally someone opened

"And then what happened? Well, finally someone opened"

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their window and yelled down,

"their window and yelled down,"

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"Shut the hell up, you crazy bitch."

""Shut the hell up, you crazy bitch.""

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That's just what Bill woulda done.

"That's just what Bill woulda done."

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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Oh, mine's boring.

"Oh, mine's boring."

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I-I just got drunk.

"I-I just got drunk."

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Then what?

"Then what?"

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Then I went to sleep.

"Then I went to sleep."

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for, like, three days or four days.

"for, like, three days or four days."

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You're drunk right now, aren't you?

"You're drunk right now, aren't you?"

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You guys, I am not drunk.

"You guys, I am not drunk."

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I am not drunk. I am fine.

"I am not drunk. I am fine."

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Don't get belligerent with me. little lady.

"Don't get belligerent with me. little lady."

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Come on. I would not come to work...

"Come on. I would not come to work..."

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Hey, Dave. What you up to?

"Hey, Dave. What you up to?"

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You think we're gonna bury him again, son?

"You think we're gonna bury him again, son?"

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Mr. James, If Dave finds it cathartic

"Mr. James, If Dave finds it cathartic"

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to work on the eulogy, more power to him.

"to work on the eulogy, more power to him."

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Cathartic. Oh, that's a big word

"Cathartic. Oh, that's a big word"

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for a pie-eyed drunk.

"for a pie-eyed drunk."

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Yes, I was drunk for four straight days, maybe five.

"Yes, I was drunk for four straight days, maybe five."

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But I am no longer drunk.

"But I am no longer drunk."

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At the what?

"At the what?"

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At the wake. At Bill's wake.

"At the wake. At Bill's wake."

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Lisa? What?

"Lisa? What?"

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Heh. Right.

"Heh. Right."

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Oh.

"Oh."

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Well, then,

"Well, then,"

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that was a very good, healthy, healing way

"that was a very good, healthy, healing way"

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to celebrate Bill's life.

"to celebrate Bill's life."

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Or whose ever life it was. Excuse me.

"Or whose ever life it was. Excuse me."

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You know what's bothering me?

"You know what's bothering me?"

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Well, maybe it didn't.

"Well, maybe it didn't."

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Bill woulda told me.

"Bill woulda told me."

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Bill still would have told me.

"Bill still would have told me."

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Dave,

"Dave,"

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your eulogy sucked.

"your eulogy sucked."

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it would have been yours.

"it would have been yours."

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That's very sweet, sir. Thank you.

"That's very sweet, sir. Thank you."

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No, seriously, Dave. The eulogy sucked.

"No, seriously, Dave. The eulogy sucked."

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No. Really. You don't need to do this.

"No. Really. You don't need to do this."

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Sir, I know you're trying to be nice.

"Sir, I know you're trying to be nice."

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No, I'm not.

"No, I'm not."

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I-I-It was the worst thing I've ever been to.

"I-I-It was the worst thing I've ever been to."

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No. Sir, you just don't--

"No. Sir, you just don't--"

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Oh, good, everyone's here.

"Oh, good, everyone's here."

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Uh, well, I-I have two surprises for everyone today.

"Uh, well, I-I have two surprises for everyone today."

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Oh, I caught the first red-eye.

"Oh, I caught the first red-eye."

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Oh, that's all right.

"Oh, that's all right."

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It's okay.

"It's okay."

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BETH: It was long and dull, Dave.

"BETH: It was long and dull, Dave."

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