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Clips from NewsRadio - Halloween (S03E03)

I think I know what the problem is.

"I think I know what the problem is."

NewsRadio

No, you don't.

"No, you don't."

NewsRadio

Yes, I think I do.

"Yes, I think I do."

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No.

"No."

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You made a power play in front of Jimmy,

"You made a power play in front of Jimmy,"

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to prove you're a better leader than I am,

"to prove you're a better leader than I am,"

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and now you feel one-upped.

"and now you feel one-upped."

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Well, then, what is the problem?

"Well, then, what is the problem?"

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'cause I couldn't pull it off,

"'cause I couldn't pull it off,"

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which is worth at the most $150 on Ninth Avenue.

"which is worth at the most $150 on Ninth Avenue."

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It's just that, it just... Just...

"It's just that, it just... Just..."

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hangs so perfectly off your shoulders,

"hangs so perfectly off your shoulders,"

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and your head looks just exactly the right size--

"and your head looks just exactly the right size--"

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Please...don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

"Please...don't hate me because I'm beautiful."

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What?

"What?"

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I guess you're right.

"I guess you're right."

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You have a much bigger problem on your hands.

"You have a much bigger problem on your hands."

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Well, I gotta get out of this dress.

"Well, I gotta get out of this dress."

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No, you can't take off the dress.

"No, you can't take off the dress."

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What? You can't.

"What? You can't."

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If you take off the dress now,

"If you take off the dress now,"

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everyone will know that I was jealous,

"everyone will know that I was jealous,"

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and they'll think I'm crazy.

"and they'll think I'm crazy."

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But you are crazy.

"But you are crazy."

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But they don't have to know that.

"But they don't have to know that."

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More like party slut.

"More like party slut."

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Jealous.

"Jealous."

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Miss, I want to thank you for changing my life.

"Miss, I want to thank you for changing my life."

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Oh, no problem, but I'm actually in the middle of a reading--

"Oh, no problem, but I'm actually in the middle of a reading--"

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And I've met a wonderful woman. I've never been happier.

"And I've met a wonderful woman. I've never been happier."

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I feel fantastic.

"I feel fantastic."

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Colors seem brighter now.

"Colors seem brighter now."

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Hey, I have an idea.

"Hey, I have an idea."

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You are going to die at 4:20 p.m.,

"You are going to die at 4:20 p.m.,"

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March 8th, 2232.

"March 8th, 2232."

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Maybe a pill you take. I don't know. Anyway, I'm busy.

"Maybe a pill you take. I don't know. Anyway, I'm busy."

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What's the matter, my sweet?

"What's the matter, my sweet?"

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You know, Dorothy,

"You know, Dorothy,"

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What is it, Bill?

"What is it, Bill?"

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How do I put this?

"How do I put this?"

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Our relationship doesn't work for me anymore.

"Our relationship doesn't work for me anymore."

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But, Bill, what about living each day of your life

"But, Bill, what about living each day of your life"

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as if it were your last?

"as if it were your last?"

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Well, that sounds good to you because you're...

"Well, that sounds good to you because you're..."

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I just found out, I'm going to live nearly forever.

"I just found out, I'm going to live nearly forever."

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You understand what I'm getting at?

"You understand what I'm getting at?"

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But thank you so much for our time together.

"But thank you so much for our time together."

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Goodbye.

"Goodbye."

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Well, you know, I actually do think that, uh,

"Well, you know, I actually do think that, uh,"

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across to the public.

"across to the public."

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Thanks.

"Thanks."

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?"

NewsRadio

The Ellen DeGeneres Show?

"The Ellen DeGeneres Show?"

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No.

"No."

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Look, look, aren't you a little, uh...

"Look, look, aren't you a little, uh..."

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and adjusted my hose.

"and adjusted my hose."

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Oh, I gotcha! I gotcha.

"Oh, I gotcha! I gotcha."

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for getting the staff all whipped up.

"for getting the staff all whipped up."

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I don't know what is.

"I don't know what is."

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If I could draw your attention to how I'm dressed.

"If I could draw your attention to how I'm dressed."

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I really don't know what is.

"I really don't know what is."

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Well, yeah, but it was my leadership

"Well, yeah, but it was my leadership"

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that got you into the dress.

"that got you into the dress."

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that's gonna require some heavy, heavy-duty leadership.

"that's gonna require some heavy, heavy-duty leadership."

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What? What is it?

"What? What is it?"

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I cannot believe Dave and Lisa are doing the hokey-pokey.

"I cannot believe Dave and Lisa are doing the hokey-pokey."

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[CHUCKLING]

"[CHUCKLING]"

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I like watching them out there all alone.

"I like watching them out there all alone."

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So this is what it's like sitting at the cool table.

"So this is what it's like sitting at the cool table."

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[APPLAUSE]

"[APPLAUSE]"

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gayest costume.

"gayest costume."

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That's not actually a category.

"That's not actually a category."

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Uh, the category: best overall costume.

"Uh, the category: best overall costume."

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And the runner-up is...

"And the runner-up is..."

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WNYX's own Dave Nelson.

"WNYX's own Dave Nelson."

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There you go.

"There you go."

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That was our runner-up.

"That was our runner-up."

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[CROWD CHEERS]

"[CROWD CHEERS]"

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look...like...

"look...like..."

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Uh...

"Uh..."

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for the big Halloween party tonight.

"for the big Halloween party tonight."

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Can we, uh, hurry this up?

"Can we, uh, hurry this up?"

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Was it a good party?

"Was it a good party?"

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No, no, no, no.

"No, no, no, no."

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Well, you might.

"Well, you might."

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Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God."

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First of all, that tape has been examined and verified

"First of all, that tape has been examined and verified"

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Authentic Alien Autopsy Bloopers,

"Authentic Alien Autopsy Bloopers,"

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Is that true?

"Is that true?"

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Shh, shh... [CLEARS THROAT]

"Shh, shh... [CLEARS THROAT]"

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It's way off.

"It's way off."

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Names are Chew-Chew and Mitt-Mitt.

"Names are Chew-Chew and Mitt-Mitt."

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Nice try, though.

"Nice try, though."

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Maybe so, but the point is--

"Maybe so, but the point is--"

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Beth. Beth. LISA: Okay. Beth.

"Beth. Beth. LISA: Okay. Beth."

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CATHERINE: Don't even think about it.

"CATHERINE: Don't even think about it."

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Thanks.

"Thanks."

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I don't know. It's just, Dave and Lisa

"I don't know. It's just, Dave and Lisa"

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Uh-huh. [ELEVATOR DINGS]

"Uh-huh. [ELEVATOR DINGS]"

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Yeah-- Oh! Pretty ballerina!

"Yeah-- Oh! Pretty ballerina!"

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Isn't this a wonderful night?

"Isn't this a wonderful night?"

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But you're wearing--

"But you're wearing--"

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You know, uh...

"You know, uh..."

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Rump-shaker, or some reasonable facsimile.

"Rump-shaker, or some reasonable facsimile."

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A gentleman doesn't ask such questions.

"A gentleman doesn't ask such questions."

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Dorothy, on the other hand, is very much alive.

"Dorothy, on the other hand, is very much alive."

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So are we all.

"So are we all."

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It's no problem. Go away, please.

"It's no problem. Go away, please."

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What?

"What?"

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You do!

"You do!"

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that I'm much better-looking as a girl?

"that I'm much better-looking as a girl?"

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Can you please leave the dress on?

"Can you please leave the dress on?"

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I'm gonna give you another reading.

"I'm gonna give you another reading."

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Now, if you could get your paw off my ass.

"Now, if you could get your paw off my ass."

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uncomfortable in that thing?

"uncomfortable in that thing?"

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Oh, yeah, this is it.

"Oh, yeah, this is it."

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Oh, baby, I could get used to this.

"Oh, baby, I could get used to this."

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And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for..."

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Yeah, over there.

"Yeah, over there."

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Dorothy.

"Dorothy."

NewsRadio

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