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Clips from Bad Santa

Movies 2003 92 min ★ 7.0/10 (169,080 ratings) 905 clips
Drama Crime Comedy

Credits

or as a wonderful remembrance for friends.
"or as a wonderful remembrance for friends."
Bad Santa
Gee. You know what? This one, I think it's more than enough.
"Gee. You know what? This one, I think it's more than enough."
Bad Santa
Thanks. Merry Christmas.
"Thanks. Merry Christmas."
Bad Santa
I saw you at another mall.
"I saw you at another mall."
Bad Santa
We hope tomorrow is a pleasant Christmas. Thank you for shopping with us.
"We hope tomorrow is a pleasant Christmas. Thank you for shopping with us."
Bad Santa
Happy holidays to you.
"Happy holidays to you."
Bad Santa
Yeah. No, I know.
"Yeah. No, I know."
Bad Santa
No, I agree. They shouldn’t pay the whole lot of them.
"No, I agree. They shouldn’t pay the whole lot of them."
Bad Santa
That’s a nice talk.
"That’s a nice talk."
Bad Santa
- How's it going? - I'm finished when I'm finished.
"- How's it going? - I'm finished when I'm finished."
Bad Santa
I'm going back upstairs. I need a melon baller and a loofah.
"I'm going back upstairs. I need a melon baller and a loofah."
Bad Santa
Fuck the loofah. Let's go.
"Fuck the loofah. Let's go."
Bad Santa
- Marcus, you get the loofah? - Drive.
"- Marcus, you get the loofah? - Drive."
Bad Santa
Fuck you.
"Fuck you."
Bad Santa
This is Andrew Kaplan again, from the collection agency.
"This is Andrew Kaplan again, from the collection agency."
Bad Santa
Can you maybe keep it together for just 10 minutes?
"Can you maybe keep it together for just 10 minutes?"
Bad Santa
Look, Harrison, it's not about the money or the midget.
"Look, Harrison, it's not about the money or the midget."
Bad Santa
Well, you are truly the best man I’ve ever seen for this job..
"Well, you are truly the best man I’ve ever seen for this job.."
Bad Santa
Yes. Uh, your performance. You know, the, um...
"Yes. Uh, your performance. You know, the, um..."
Bad Santa
- Excuse me? - Willie.
"- Excuse me? - Willie."
Bad Santa
He's not going to say fuck stick in front of the children?
"He's not going to say fuck stick in front of the children?"
Bad Santa
Yes. I thought it was very strange, too.
"Yes. I thought it was very strange, too."
Bad Santa
So, as our security chief, I wanted you to be aware.
"So, as our security chief, I wanted you to be aware."
Bad Santa
Yes, he happens to be a dwarf.
"Yes, he happens to be a dwarf."
Bad Santa
Little people. That's what they like.
"Little people. That's what they like."
Bad Santa
Yeah.
"Yeah."
Bad Santa
Merry Christmas! Santa's coming. Yay!
"Merry Christmas! Santa's coming. Yay!"
Bad Santa
You don’t like any guy.
"You don’t like any guy."
Bad Santa
So stop acting like you know something. 'Cause, pal of mine, you don't know squat!
"So stop acting like you know something. 'Cause, pal of mine, you don't know squat!"
Bad Santa
I don't give a shit what you want.
"I don't give a shit what you want."
Bad Santa
Okay. Fine. Barbie. Oh, thank you.
"Okay. Fine. Barbie. Oh, thank you."
Bad Santa
Hey, loser. What’s up fat-ass?
"Hey, loser. What’s up fat-ass?"
Bad Santa
Hey, loser. How you doing today?
"Hey, loser. How you doing today?"
Bad Santa
What's your name? You can tell me.
"What's your name? You can tell me."
Bad Santa
I know. How about Santa?
"I know. How about Santa?"
Bad Santa
If you don't tell him, you won't get a present.
"If you don't tell him, you won't get a present."
Bad Santa
What do you want?
"What do you want?"
Bad Santa
Marcus, get this kid off me before he pisses on me.
"Marcus, get this kid off me before he pisses on me."
Bad Santa
Apache Junction. What the fuck do you care?
"Apache Junction. What the fuck do you care?"
Bad Santa
Just don't come into work stinking of booze again.
"Just don't come into work stinking of booze again."
Bad Santa
You'll be late for your Wizard of Oz Candy Bar Guild.
"You'll be late for your Wizard of Oz Candy Bar Guild."
Bad Santa
Two-year-olds flip me shit better than you.
"Two-year-olds flip me shit better than you."
Bad Santa
- Another round Grand-Dad, Santa? - Yeah.
"- Another round Grand-Dad, Santa? - Yeah."
Bad Santa
Got a name?
"Got a name?"
Bad Santa
- Oh. Another? - Yeah. Why not?
"- Oh. Another? - Yeah. Why not?"
Bad Santa
Merry Christmas.
"Merry Christmas."
Bad Santa
Not a big talker.
"Not a big talker."
Bad Santa
No, not really.
"No, not really."
Bad Santa
- Buy you one? - Why not?
"- Buy you one? - Why not?"
Bad Santa
Happy New Year.
"Happy New Year."
Bad Santa
I'm an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santa Claus.
"I'm an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santa Claus."
Bad Santa
Prove it.
"Prove it."
Bad Santa
Yeah. It is like that, though. From when you're a kid.
"Yeah. It is like that, though. From when you're a kid."
Bad Santa
- What the fuck? - I am not gay.
"- What the fuck? - I am not gay."
Bad Santa
Are you off your fucking meds or something?
"Are you off your fucking meds or something?"
Bad Santa
Well ya. Are they gonna drop you on somebody else's head?
"Well ya. Are they gonna drop you on somebody else's head?"
Bad Santa
He's on an adventure, exploring mountains. He's been gone a long time.
"He's on an adventure, exploring mountains. He's been gone a long time."
Bad Santa
- Till next year. - Yeah? What about Mommy?
"- Till next year. - Yeah? What about Mommy?"
Bad Santa
She lives in God's house with Jesus and Mary and the ghost
"She lives in God's house with Jesus and Mary and the ghost"
Bad Santa
Santa's here.
"Santa's here."
Bad Santa
Let me fix you some sandwiches.
"Let me fix you some sandwiches."
Bad Santa
Nobody else?
"Nobody else?"
Bad Santa
- A butler or security guard or something? - Nuh-unh.
"- A butler or security guard or something? - Nuh-unh."
Bad Santa
You're shitting me.
"You're shitting me."
Bad Santa
Keep on going.
"Keep on going."
Bad Santa
Keep on going.
"Keep on going."
Bad Santa
A couple of days ago, I was in, uh, Women's Big & Tall.
"A couple of days ago, I was in, uh, Women's Big & Tall."
Bad Santa
And I heard his voice saying,
"And I heard his voice saying,"
Bad Santa
But don't get me wrong.
"But don't get me wrong."
Bad Santa
I was against the Clinton impeachment. What a man does with his own penis...
"I was against the Clinton impeachment. What a man does with his own penis..."
Bad Santa
someone who has screaming orgasms with large women shouldn't...
"someone who has screaming orgasms with large women shouldn't..."
Bad Santa
The sizes, they say…
"The sizes, they say…"
Bad Santa
Yeah. Big fucking farewell.
"Yeah. Big fucking farewell."
Bad Santa
Special pleading. Bitch, bitch, bitch.
"Special pleading. Bitch, bitch, bitch."
Bad Santa
Santa fucking someone in the ass.
"Santa fucking someone in the ass."
Bad Santa
So...
"So..."
Bad Santa
Yeah, I get you.
"Yeah, I get you."
Bad Santa
Do you think you could find something?
"Do you think you could find something?"
Bad Santa
You gotta move the ball around. You go up there, baby.
"You gotta move the ball around. You go up there, baby."
Bad Santa
See? Move the ball. There you go.
"See? Move the ball. There you go."
Bad Santa
She said she was 18.
"She said she was 18."
Bad Santa
What the fuck is this, Mr. Low Profile?
"What the fuck is this, Mr. Low Profile?"
Bad Santa
You dipshit motherfucker…
"You dipshit motherfucker…"
Bad Santa
Hey, Opal.
"Hey, Opal."
Bad Santa
Yeah. Some guy asking about you. Looked like a cop.
"Yeah. Some guy asking about you. Looked like a cop."
Bad Santa
I get them on the weekends. Why don't you go run me a bath?
"I get them on the weekends. Why don't you go run me a bath?"
Bad Santa
- I think one of them is Sneezy. There's a Dopey.... - That's the Seven Dwarfs.
"- I think one of them is Sneezy. There's a Dopey.... - That's the Seven Dwarfs."
Bad Santa
What the fuck is wrong with you? I can't remember this shit!
"What the fuck is wrong with you? I can't remember this shit!"
Bad Santa
- Warm milk? - No.
"- Warm milk? - No."
Bad Santa
Fuck me? Fuck you.
"Fuck me? Fuck you."
Bad Santa
You don't know who's around or what they do.
"You don't know who's around or what they do."
Bad Santa
What, you're my mom now? You shat me out of your womb?
"What, you're my mom now? You shat me out of your womb?"
Bad Santa
that has ever slid from a human being's hairy ass.
"that has ever slid from a human being's hairy ass."
Bad Santa
He lives with his drooling-ass old grandmother.
"He lives with his drooling-ass old grandmother."
Bad Santa
Sits in front of the TV all the time.
"Sits in front of the TV all the time."
Bad Santa
You think she's gonna rat me out?
"You think she's gonna rat me out?"
Bad Santa
She don't know her ass from last Tuesday.
"She don't know her ass from last Tuesday."
Bad Santa
You fuck her?
"You fuck her?"
Bad Santa
What are you, Sigmund Sawed-off Fucking Freud?
"What are you, Sigmund Sawed-off Fucking Freud?"
Bad Santa
Come on, Lois. Let's get out of here.
"Come on, Lois. Let's get out of here."
Bad Santa
I'm on my fucking lunch break, okay?
"I'm on my fucking lunch break, okay?"
Bad Santa
Are you insane?
"Are you insane?"
Bad Santa
Find everything you're looking for?
"Find everything you're looking for?"
Bad Santa
What is this?
"What is this?"
Bad Santa
- This MP3? - Yeah.
"- This MP3? - Yeah."
Bad Santa
What's wrong with you kids these days?
"What's wrong with you kids these days?"
Bad Santa
- Gin? - Yeah.
"- Gin? - Yeah."
Bad Santa
- Yeah, what do you need? - I need you to run a plate for me.
"- Yeah, what do you need? - I need you to run a plate for me."
Bad Santa
Son of a bitch!
"Son of a bitch!"
Bad Santa
MAN ON TV: You can make a delicious six-pound chicken.
"MAN ON TV: You can make a delicious six-pound chicken."
Bad Santa
MAN ON TV: A six-pound mouth watering pork-loin roast.
"MAN ON TV: A six-pound mouth watering pork-loin roast."
Bad Santa
MAN ON TV: A luscious looking six-pound leg of lamb with rosemary.
"MAN ON TV: A luscious looking six-pound leg of lamb with rosemary."
Bad Santa
Let me get your drink.
"Let me get your drink."
Bad Santa
What? On the couch?
"What? On the couch?"
Bad Santa
No, in town.
"No, in town."
Bad Santa
What, do you think I'm some kind of pervert?
"What, do you think I'm some kind of pervert?"
Bad Santa
And to tell you the truth...
"And to tell you the truth..."
Bad Santa
- So, you'll call me, right? - Yeah. I'll call you.
"- So, you'll call me, right? - Yeah. I'll call you."
Bad Santa
Here, hold still. Hold still.
"Here, hold still. Hold still."
Bad Santa
Shouldn't I wrap it in a T-shirt or something?
"Shouldn't I wrap it in a T-shirt or something?"
Bad Santa