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Clips from The Longest Yard

Movies 2005 1,587 clips
Comedy Sport

Credits

I love that dress.
"I love that dress."
The Longest Yard
- You have done it again. - Well, it's all for you, Bradlee.
"- You have done it again. - Well, it's all for you, Bradlee."
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Oh, the girls are by the pool.
"Oh, the girls are by the pool."
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Well, well, well, Lena. So where's this sexy boy toy of yours hiding?
"Well, well, well, Lena. So where's this sexy boy toy of yours hiding?"
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I didn't know you were a football fan, Patrick.
"I didn't know you were a football fan, Patrick."
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I have never watched a game. I am just a big fan of his old underwear ads.
"I have never watched a game. I am just a big fan of his old underwear ads."
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Well, he's probably just getting out of the shower. Let me go hurry his ass up.
"Well, he's probably just getting out of the shower. Let me go hurry his ass up."
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- Hi. - Hey, babe.
"- Hi. - Hey, babe."
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You have got to be kidding me.
"You have got to be kidding me."
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Remember the catering trucks and the valet parkers?
"Remember the catering trucks and the valet parkers?"
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Oh, shit, I forgot.
"Oh, shit, I forgot."
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I will tell you what you should forget about.
"I will tell you what you should forget about."
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Because it's forgotten all about you.
"Because it's forgotten all about you."
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Now, you're going to put this outfit on that I bought you,
"Now, you're going to put this outfit on that I bought you,"
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drag your drunken ass downstairs
"drag your drunken ass downstairs"
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and mingle with my clients like a good boy.
"and mingle with my clients like a good boy."
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Who am I? Elton John? I ain't wearing that shit.
"Who am I? Elton John? I ain't wearing that shit."
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No. You're much more expensive than that.
"No. You're much more expensive than that."
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But I tell you what.
"But I tell you what."
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If you're not downstairs in five minutes,
"If you're not downstairs in five minutes,"
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I am going to throw you out of my bed,
"I am going to throw you out of my bed,"
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out of my house and out of my life.
"out of my house and out of my life."
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What gift?
"What gift?"
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Paul, I am so excited.
"Paul, I am so excited."
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- Where'd you put it? - In the back, on the right.
"- Where'd you put it? - In the back, on the right."
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I think we need some alone time, honey,
"I think we need some alone time, honey,"
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so I am going to go take a cruise in your Bentley.
"so I am going to go take a cruise in your Bentley."
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Somebody please open this damn door. Patrick?
"Somebody please open this damn door. Patrick?"
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- Lena? - Patrick.
"- Lena? - Patrick."
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What happened to you?
"What happened to you?"
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He locked me in the closet and left me to die.
"He locked me in the closet and left me to die."
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He thinks he can mess with me.
"He thinks he can mess with me."
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911.
"911."
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Well, well, well. I will be damned. If it isn't Paul Crewe.
"Well, well, well. I will be damned. If it isn't Paul Crewe."
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Nope. Nope. This car was reported stolen.
"Nope. Nope. This car was reported stolen."
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No, no, no. It's actually my girlfriend's car.
"No, no, no. It's actually my girlfriend's car."
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Shit happens.
"Shit happens."
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I got to ask you something. Does he get XM Radio with those?
"I got to ask you something. Does he get XM Radio with those?"
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Actually, they get a couple of channels.
"Actually, they get a couple of channels."
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It's Paul Crewe.
"It's Paul Crewe."
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Another question, though.
"Another question, though."
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Santa Claus. What's he like?
"Santa Claus. What's he like?"
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Boy, I hate to arrest a public figure like yourself,
"Boy, I hate to arrest a public figure like yourself,"
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endorsement deals to worry about, now, do you?
"endorsement deals to worry about, now, do you?"
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Man. I hope you got a lot of money for that game you threw,
"Man. I hope you got a lot of money for that game you threw,"
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You're slurring your words a bit there, Paul. You been drinking tonight?
"You're slurring your words a bit there, Paul. You been drinking tonight?"
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Absolutely not. Now, could you do me a favor? Hold this beer while I back it up.
"Absolutely not. Now, could you do me a favor? Hold this beer while I back it up."
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We got a 3-94 in progress.
"We got a 3-94 in progress."
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Okay, remain calm.
"Okay, remain calm."
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We're receiving word now that the driver of that vehicle
"We're receiving word now that the driver of that vehicle"
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Crewe, you might remember,
"Crewe, you might remember,"
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was the only man ever to be indicted on federal racketeering charges
"was the only man ever to be indicted on federal racketeering charges"
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for shaving points in a professional football game,
"for shaving points in a professional football game,"
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although it was never fully proven.
"although it was never fully proven."
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Yeah.
"Yeah."
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You care about this car more than you do us.
"You care about this car more than you do us."
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And how'd you even know there was a scratch on this baby?
"And how'd you even know there was a scratch on this baby?"
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Because I am watching you on TV, as is the whole country.
"Because I am watching you on TV, as is the whole country."
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Well, I hope they like this.
"Well, I hope they like this."
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Hey, Lena.
"Hey, Lena."
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Good news, boys, I didn't spill my beer.
"Good news, boys, I didn't spill my beer."
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Without question, Crewe's five-year federal probation for point-shaving
"Without question, Crewe's five-year federal probation for point-shaving"
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The future of this once-great football star looks very dark indeed.
"The future of this once-great football star looks very dark indeed."
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Long way from the big city, huh, superstar?
"Long way from the big city, huh, superstar?"
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Staying with the times around here, huh?
"Staying with the times around here, huh?"
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Home sweet home, boy.
"Home sweet home, boy."
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Get on your feet.
"Get on your feet."
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You're one lucky son of a bitch, Crewe.
"You're one lucky son of a bitch, Crewe."
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See, the warden loves his football.
"See, the warden loves his football."
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Fact, he was on the winning side of your little thing.
"Fact, he was on the winning side of your little thing."
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Welcome to Allenville.
"Welcome to Allenville."
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Thank you, sergeant. I will take it from here.
"Thank you, sergeant. I will take it from here."
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- Afternoon, inmate Crewe. - Yeah.
"- Afternoon, inmate Crewe. - Yeah."
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Come on. Warden wants to see you.
"Come on. Warden wants to see you."
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Let's do it.
"Let's do it."
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I bet a lot of your old teammates are locked up in here.
"I bet a lot of your old teammates are locked up in here."
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No inmates from my playing days. Couple of guards, though.
"No inmates from my playing days. Couple of guards, though."
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See, we got us a fine prison-guard league down here.
"See, we got us a fine prison-guard league down here."
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It's like a company softball team.
"It's like a company softball team."
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Now, the warden...
"Now, the warden..."
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...he's going to ask you to help out.
"...he's going to ask you to help out."
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When the warden asks you,
"When the warden asks you,"
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Yes?
"Yes?"
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You're going to tell him "no." You got it?
"You're going to tell him "no." You got it?"
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You're going to tell the warden
"You're going to tell the warden"
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that you want nothing to do with his football fantasies.
"that you want nothing to do with his football fantasies."
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You understand?
"You understand?"
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Okay. I feel you, dog. I feel you.
"Okay. I feel you, dog. I feel you."
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Paul "Wrecking" Crewe.
"Paul "Wrecking" Crewe."
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but it's an honor to have you here at this institution.
"but it's an honor to have you here at this institution."
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He's my political adviser.
"He's my political adviser."
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See, I have been approached by several very influential people
"See, I have been approached by several very influential people"
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wondering if I'd be interested in standing for governor.
"wondering if I'd be interested in standing for governor."
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They see the way I run this prison, think maybe I should run this state.
"They see the way I run this prison, think maybe I should run this state."
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Only with less sodomy, right?
"Only with less sodomy, right?"
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Now, there are two things we take very seriously here in the state of Texas.
"Now, there are two things we take very seriously here in the state of Texas."
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Prison and football.
"Prison and football."
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We play a little of the latter here.
"We play a little of the latter here."
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The warden is too modest to admit that his team is rather good.
"The warden is too modest to admit that his team is rather good."
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But not good enough.
"But not good enough."
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Five years since our last championship.
"Five years since our last championship."
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Five years.
"Five years."
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Now, I have worked real hard, pulled strings,
"Now, I have worked real hard, pulled strings,"
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I haven't played football and I don't know how long. I don't really want to.
"I haven't played football and I don't know how long. I don't really want to."
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You wouldn't be playing, Paul. Just consulting.
"You wouldn't be playing, Paul. Just consulting."
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Anyone who was once the MVP of the National Football League
"Anyone who was once the MVP of the National Football League"
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Captain, what would you say to Mr. Crewe looking in,
"Captain, what would you say to Mr. Crewe looking in,"
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giving us the benefit of his experience?
"giving us the benefit of his experience?"
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I think that's a real good idea, warden. We can use all the help we can get.
"I think that's a real good idea, warden. We can use all the help we can get."
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What you say, Paul?
"What you say, Paul?"
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that your time here will be a whole lot easier if you just participate.
"that your time here will be a whole lot easier if you just participate."
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I just want to do my time and go home. Nothing else.
"I just want to do my time and go home. Nothing else."
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If you will excuse us, Mr. Crewe.
"If you will excuse us, Mr. Crewe."
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Captain Knauer, you can stay.
"Captain Knauer, you can stay."
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Thank you very much.
"Thank you very much."
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My ex-husband wore the same brand of tighty whities.
"My ex-husband wore the same brand of tighty whities."
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He didn't fill them out quite as well as you, though.
"He didn't fill them out quite as well as you, though."
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Special effects. Hollywood. Not all me.
"Special effects. Hollywood. Not all me."
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Oh, I doubt that very seriously.
"Oh, I doubt that very seriously."
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Come on, get up.
"Come on, get up."
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