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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Dumpling Paradox (S01E01)

"What about the won tons?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh. Hey, guys, what's up?"
The Big Bang Theory
"It's "Halo" night."
The Big Bang Theory
"Yeah? Okay."
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"So?"
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"She's not my friend. Friends do not get their friends' Care Bears all sweaty."
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"Right, anyway, uh, with Wolowitz occupied elsewhere..."
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"...we had something we wanted to ask you."
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"Penny, we would very much appreciate it..."
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"I don't think I need to tell you what an honor this is."
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"Oh. That's so sweet."
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"But I'm going out dancing with a girlfriend."
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"You can't go out, it's "Halo" night."
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"Well, for Penny, it's dancing night."
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"- You go dancing every Wednesday? - No."
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"Then it's not dancing night."
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"Look, why don't we play tomorrow?"
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"Tonight is "Halo" night. It's like talking to a wall."
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"All right, now, Sheldon, you and I are about to have a problem."
The Big Bang Theory
"Sheldon, remember, we role-played this."
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"Yes, but you didn't portray her as completely irrational."
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"All right, fellas, I gotta go."
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"Maybe we should've asked if we could go dancing with her and her girlfriend."
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"Okay, assuming we could dance, which we can't..."
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"...there are three of us and two of them."
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"- So? - It's the Chinese restaurant all over again."
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"I assure you that cutting a dumpling in thirds is child's play..."
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"...compared with three men each attempting to dance with 67 percent of a woman."
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"For God's sakes, Sheldon, you are driving me crazy."
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"Your anger is not with me, but with mathematics."
The Big Bang Theory
"I'm pretty sure my anger is with you."
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"What is happening to us? We're falling apart."
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"- Who are you calling? - The only man who can restore..."
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"...any semblance of balance to our universe."
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"Hi, this is Howard Wolowitz."
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"And this is Christy Vanderbelt."
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"You're not gonna put that on your message, are you?"
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"No, I'm just kidding. I'll re-record it."
The Big Bang Theory
"No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and "Halo 3.""
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"MRS. WOLOWITZ: Why, so you and Howard can hump on it?"
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"Ladies, ladies, I'm sure there's a middle ground."
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"- Shut up, Howard! - Shut up, Howard!"
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"Why don't you stop butting in?"
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"- What are you guys doing here? - It's "Halo" night."
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"And I'll tell you, you're barking up the wrong tree."
The Big Bang Theory
"Because as long as you're around, Howard is out of the will."
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"You know what, I got better offers. I'm out of here."
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"That's right. Go back to Babylon, you whore."
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"So "Halo" night, huh?"
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"- I thought she was the whore of Omaha. - Shh."
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"Sheldon, you got him in your sights. Fire! He's charging his plasma rifle."
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"- I can't shoot now, I'm cloaking. - Now, Raj, kill Sheldon."
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"I can't see him."
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"That's why they call it cloaking, dead man."
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"- Start throwing grenades. - I'm all out."
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"Now, Raj, jump in the tank."
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"- We said no tanks. - There are no rules in hell."
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"Son of a bitch. Med-pack! I need a med-pack!"
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"There's a sniper. Use your rocket launcher."
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"All I've got is a needler and I'm all out of ammo!"
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"- Why did you hit pause? - I thought I heard something."
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"- What? - No, it-- Never mind."
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"Sorry, go."
The Big Bang Theory
"Did you say, "Call Helen Boxleitner"?"
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"Okay, I'll go pack my stuff."
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"If we have extra, we'll just take the leftovers home."
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"He's putting his needs ahead of the collective good."
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"The next thing I know, she's invited herself to stay with me."
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"No, it's 6:30 in the morning."
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"Right. You're Howard's entourage."
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"Penny, you're always welcome to stay with us."
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"My first Jew."
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"Let me walk you through it."
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"I see a problem."
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"There's an idea. Why don't we go out for lndian food?"
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"No one has to know."
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"I'm just saying you can take the damn plastic off the couch once in a while."
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"As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded..."
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"Not that I don't love having you, but it's a little crowded."
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"I imagine there aren't very many kosher cornhuskers."
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"Our standard order is, the steamed dumpling appetizer..."
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"So, Christy, what are your plans?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Do you see the problem?"
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"...to include hi-def graphics and enhanced weapon systems."
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"...maybe I get bumped, one of the dumplings fall to the floor."
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"My point."
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"Ecch."
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"- But you're still taking me shopping? - Anything you want."
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"You're right, all sex has is nudity, orgasms and human contact."
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"...shrimp with lobster sauce, and vegetable lo mein."
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"Well, Howard said he'd take me shopping in Beverly Hills."
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"...General Tso's chicken, beef with broccoli..."
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"You're nice boys."
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"Yeah, no, I meant plans to find someplace to live other than with me."
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"When I'm walking over to the table..."
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"No eliminations."
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"Where he comes from, that's punishable by death."
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"Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm gonna bring you the four dumplings."
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"- That's 12, we'll each have four. - That works."
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"I come from Sacramento."
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"Fine. Bring us three orders of dumplings."
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"Can we get an order of dumplings, but with three instead of four?"
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"Okay. No reductions."
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"No substitutions."
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"This isn't a substitution. It's a reduction."
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