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Clips from South Park - Do the Handicapped Go to Hell? (S04E04)

"Well, I called Saddam Hussein and invited him over for dinner tonight."
South Park
"You what?"
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"I just think we all need to get this out in the open."
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"Oh, Chris!"
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"Come on, Satan, we're all adults here. He was an important person in your life,"
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"for better or for worse, so I want to know him."
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"No, Chris, he'll try to kill you is what he'll do."
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"Satan, we're not in junior high school any more."
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"Oh, dear God."
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"Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee."
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"- Who's in there? - I don't know."
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"You can't see him. It's just some anonymous guy."
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"Well, let's see. I'd like to start, if I may, back when I was two-and-a-half."
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"God damn it!"
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"Come on, we've gotta ask her about Timmy."
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"Where do handicapped people go when they die?"
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"They need to be baptised, take communion and confess their sins."
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"So he can't really confess his sins. So is he going to go to Hell?"
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"This really isn't a question for me, it's for the priest."
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"I'll see if I can find him. Bye."
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"Your confession does not leave this box."
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"I took a sandwich that the priest of this church had been eating."
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"I'm sure he would forgive you if he knew."
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"and then put the sandwich back and watched him eat it."
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"and the priest blessed himself on the forehead with it every day"
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"And then this one time, I was at the park and the priest was out walking his dog,"
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"that it was the priest's dog, and so the priest got fined, like, $100"
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"Dude, what happened?"
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"He is an angry God, you guys."
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"And you must be Mr. Ass Face! Just kidding. You're Chris, right?"
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"- Oh, thank you! - Chris, no! It's a bomb!"
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"Satan, what the heck is wrong with you?"
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"Yeah. Hey, relax, guy. We're all here to act like adults, right?"
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""... behind the glass, their dusty, frowning eyes.""
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"Very good, Ike. That's two John Steinbeck books in one day."
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"Oh, he's growing up so fast."
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"- Mom, Dad, am I going to Hell? - Why?"
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"- What did you do, Kyle? - Nothing."
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"But the guys said if I don't confess my sins"
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"Oh, no, that's just Catholics. Us Jews don't believe in Hell."
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"- We don't? But what if we're wrong? - Well, Kyle, they could be wrong, too."
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"if you don't believe in something is no reason to believe in something."
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"- Understand? - No."
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"- And I'm taking Ike with me. - Kyle!"
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"So, Saddam, Satan told me all about how you guys"
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"What the hell is this crap we're eating anyway?"
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"It's all vegetarian, Saddam. Chris was a nutritionist before he died."
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"Oh, well, I actually slipped down an escalator in a mall."
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"- Those things can be pretty sketchy. - An escalator?"
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"What kind of pussy way of dying is that?"
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"I think it's important to stay friends with people you had relationships with."
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"that it can handle anything. Right?"
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"Right."
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"I want to explain to them that he's fine."
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"Well, has your friend ever confessed or been baptised?"
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"- I don't think so. - Then Hell awaits him."
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"Boys, it is your Christian duty to save the souls of your friends."
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"- We have to ask you something. - Oh, you're the little Jewish boy, right?"
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"Yeah. If we're Jewish,"
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"- Are we gonna go to Hell? - Well, young man, you can rest assured"
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"that, according to Matthew 25, when you die, you will stand before God,"
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"and he will say, "Depart from me, ye cursed, into the eternal fire,"
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""prepared for the devil and his angels.""
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"Yes, as a Jew, your home will be the Lake of Fire."
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"- Oh, no. - Father..."
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"We will be!"
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"Father, I don't know if I agree fully with what you're saying."
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"I think that as long as Jewish people are good, they will get into heaven."
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"I mean, if you don't go to Hell for crucifying the saviour,"
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"Stan, you've got to help us become good Christians, please!"
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"All right, all right, all right. You heard the priest."
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"Turn around so I can clean out your ass!"
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"- Dude, you just said "ass. " That's a sin! - Oh, now you've said it, too!"
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"Oh..."
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"Oh, dude, we gotta go back to the church and confess again."
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"- But what about them? - Oh, I know."
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"Yeah, thanks for the wheatgrass and twigs and stuff."
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"Satan, that guy is a pussy."
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"- He's stable, Saddam. - Yeah, that's what I said. He's a pussy."
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"Here. I'm at the Bargain Hotel on MalaVista. Room 16."
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"It was good seeing you again, Satan. Good night. Good night, Pussy!"
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"This is Sister Anne, The Bleeding Eyes of Jesus,"
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"calling from the United States."
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"Yes, I understand you wish to speak with the Pope."
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"Yes, well, the Pope is here, but please keep it brief, he is very old."
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"Handicap. Mental handicap."
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"Is that true?"
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"Come on. The stupid light won't change."
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"Come on, hurry up. Hey, what are you guys doing?"
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"We're going to church. We sinned and so we have to confess again."
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"- We could see her whole beaver. - Yeah. If we died right now,"
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"we'd have unclean souls and we'd burn in Hell."
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"Well, come on, let's go."
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"Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!"
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"- He had sins that he didn't confess. - And he never took communion."
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"He's doomed."
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"Yeah, that's hot. You take it."
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"- You take it, now. - Chris, what are you doing?"
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"Oh, boy."
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"Chris, just don't... Don't do that."
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"- But what? - Nothing. I just..."
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"I'm just really tired is all."
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"Can we just please go to sleep? Chris, seriously, I'm just tired, okay?"
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"- Okay. I love you, Satan. - I love you, too, Saddam."
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"Oh, I'm sorry, I mean Chris!"
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"Come on, hurry up!"
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"We have to confess! We have to confess our sins before we die!"
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"Hey, there's a window in the back that's usually open."
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"- The confession box is over there. - I'm first! I'm first!"
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"Oh, son of a bitch!"
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"- Kids... - You're a sinner!"
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"You're doing unnatural things in the house of God!"
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"Forgive me, Heavenly Father!"
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"- I have sinned against you! - Oh, this guy is so gonna burn!"
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"Mrs. Donovan is a temptress from Hell!"
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"Dude, if this guy's going to Hell, who's gonna save us?"
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"Well, it looks like we're gonna have to save Timmy, Kyle"
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"and everyone else in this town from the angry hand of God ourselves!"
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"Oh, the pain! Oh, the pain!"
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"What am I doing?"
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