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Clips from The Office - Roy's Wedding (S09E09)

"[Clears throat]"
The Office
"♪ She's got a wa-a-ay about her ♪"
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"♪ don't know what it is ♪"
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"♪ she's got a way-- ♪"
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"You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday,"
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"I really wanted to surprise you."
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"Yes, but what I didn't tell you"
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"is that I actually bought the tickets."
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"We only didn't go because it was--"
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"It was an away game."
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"They should really tell you that more specifically."
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"for one of the teams."
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"Um, okay."
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"Did I ever tell you about the time"
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"and bought the winning numbers the next day,"
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"and then, played the tape for me the next week--"
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"And you thought you guys were millionaires."
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"Yes, but there's-- Wait. Oh!"
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"That I thought we were millionaires."
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"That you thought you were millionaires."
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"- Shoot, I knew that one! - That's all right."
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"The senator and I still have mystery."
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"I'm always waiting to see"
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"You support the Taliban abroad,"
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"so I assume you're willing to live by their rules here."
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"Will you join me then in a pledge"
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"to live by Taliban law in this office?"
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"I feared Nelly had some sort of a plan,"
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"[Snorts]"
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"When you use a ridiculous font,"
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"no one thinks you have a plan."
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"[Exhales] and it's mine now, because I stole it."
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"- Gimme that. - Didn't you sign a contract"
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"to live under Taliban law?"
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"And now, there's been a theft."
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"That means you're not serious,"
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"or someone's getting their hand cut off."
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"- You're insane. - I know,"
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"No, thank you."
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"In that case, you..."
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"will have to chop off my hand."
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"I suggest you spend some quality time together,"
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"just you and your hand, tie a shoe, toss a salad."
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"Do any of the two-hand activities"
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"And then after that, you can become a person"
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"who chops off people's hands."
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"Sounds like a plan."
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"Clark wants to film you in different outfits"
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"Clark, you and I need to have a little chat."
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"a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt,"
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"stilettos, maybe a-- no, no, not maybe,"
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"makes everything seem higher-cut."
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"You're gonna want some of those pantyhose"
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"with the seam up the back."
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"that she could borrow at my place, so--"
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"Thank God someone here knows"
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"I absolutely will do that."
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"Plop."
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"Guess I'll just head over to the mall then,"
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"buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits."
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"That Clark, huh?"
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"[Growls]"
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"What is the craziest place you ever made whoopee?"
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"- Oh, this is good, okay. - Pam's first celebrity crush."
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"- John Stamos. - Oh, yes!"
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"John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to Johnny--"
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"Totally. George Clooney. [Phone rings]"
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"Okay, I'll have one. I have one."
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"[Overlapping chatter]"
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"Where is the craziest place you ever made whoopee?"
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"Kevin, stop it with that question."
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"Right?"
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"And did you show them the market-- yeah."
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"And what'd they say?"
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"That's awesome. [Chuckles]"
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"That-- aw, my God. Wow."
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"It's not even real yet,"
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"and I'm not gonna tell her until it's real."
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"I don't know about Jim."
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"Andy made me his consigliere,"
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"I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile."
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"I like Scarface 'cause I'm black."
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"All: - Wow! - Woo!"
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"- Uh-huh. - Congratulations!"
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"And I want her to feel very comfortable"
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"about her body, all right?"
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"- Darryl. - Okay."
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"- This is for a news audition? - Yeah."
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"Then why are we talking about her looks?"
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"News flash, everyone-- the human race"
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"So sorry, Andy, but for 20 years,"
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"Cronkite was hot."
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"If I could go back in time, I'd take that moustache ride."
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"Does Erin have any experience?"
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"Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe?"
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"Has she done the pageant circuit?"
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"Look at her. She's gonna light up the screen."
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"and I don't get a lot of chances,"
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"so I have to take them really seriously."
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"- Whatever it takes. - Yeah, I know, I heard."
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"This is it."
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"- Any questions? - Is it gonna be numb?"
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"Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy"
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"of dollar days throughout the country,"
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"promising low, low prices"
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"A little bit here, a little bit there."
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"It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name."
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"For Channel 11 News, I'm Erin Hannon."
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"- I'm Erin Hannon. - No, pause longer."
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"- That was a good one. - Pause-- pause-- pause longer."
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"Okay, build suspense. Don't be shy."
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"Got it. [Clears throat]"
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"For Channel 11 News..."
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"What, it's--"
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"- I'm Erin Hannon."
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"Okay, all right."
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"Great."
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"I can feel you looking at me."
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"Okay, well here's something you don't know."
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"- A couple of weeks ago... - Mm-hmm."
The Office
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