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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Opening Night Excitation (S09E09)

"Just come in."
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"For future reference, if I want to watch Mean Girls,"
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"I'll stream it on Netflix."
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"We're sorry. What do you need?"
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"Well, as you know,"
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"I'll be celebrating Amy's birthday with her,"
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"and I could use your assistance"
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"in helping me select the perfect gift."
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"Sure. Well, so far,"
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"I've come up with three ideas."
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"The first is a chance for her"
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"to play the harp with the L.A. Philharmonic."
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"Wow. You can really arrange that?"
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"Well, I said a chance, you know."
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"When you tell them it's your birthday"
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"at Bennigan's, they make a fuss."
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"I don't see why the Philharmonic would be any different."
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"How about something a little more realistic?"
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"Well, Amy enjoys knitting her own sweaters,"
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"so I was thinking of getting her an all-expense-paid trip"
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"to the Wisconsin Sheep and Wool Festival."
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"Sorry. I was waiting for the bazinga."
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"Hold on. It could be romantic."
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"The two of them away together,"
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"keeping each other warm in snowy Wisconsin."
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"No, no, no, no. She'd be going alone."
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"Well, if you think I'm afraid of birds,"
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"you should see me around sheep."
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"Okay, well, what's the third option?"
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"That I have coitus with her."
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"What do you think about giving Sheldon's ticket to Stuart?"
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"I don't know."
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"Have you ever seen a movie with Stuart before?"
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"It's like going with your grandpa."
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"Instead of eating popcorn,"
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"he brings little pieces of chicken in Tupperware"
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"and a thermos full of soup."
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"He's not that bad."
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"Hey, Stuart, got any plans Thursday night?"
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"My, uh... my doctor's worried about my circulation,"
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"so I was thinking about walking around the mall."
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"Why?"
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"Well... Hey, you guys."
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"Oh, make sure to wear sensible shoes."
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"Wil, want to go to Star Wars Thursday?"
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"Absolutely."
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"Fine, take Wil."
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"See if he brings you clam chowder."
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"Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay."
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"Let's-let's... let's just recap our options."
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"All right, we've got harp thing, sheep thing..."
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"Wild thang."
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"Which do you think she'd prefer?"
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"Because I checked the Sheep and Wool Festival Web site,"
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"and there's only 8,000 tickets left."
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"Sheldon, being physical with Amy is a huge step for you."
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"Yeah, are you ready for this?"
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"Intimacy in any form has been challenging for me,"
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"but I'd like to show her how important she is,"
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"and it feels like now might be the right time."
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"Sheldon, that's so beautiful."
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"Then it's settled."
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"Amy's birthday present will be my genitals."
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"Thanks for taking me out."
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"Well, you're spending your birthday with Sheldon."
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"Why not celebrate early?"
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"So where do you want to go?"
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"I heard that new Mexican place on Green Street is good."
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"Sure, sure. Or we could take you to get a bikini wax."
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"Why would I get a bikini wax for my birthday?"
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"Uh, I don't know. It was just a thought."
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"I think I'll just stick to Mexican."
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"Great. And then maybe after, we can watch a dirty movie,"
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"and if anybody has any questions about what happened or how,"
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"we can answer them."
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"Okay, what is going on?"
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"Oh, we just want you to be prepared"
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"for any surprises that might happen tomorrow."
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"What surprises?"
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"Oh."
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"We don't want to spoil anything,"
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"but you should know that Sheldon said he's ready to be physical."
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"You shut your damn mouth!"
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"You actually heard him say this?"
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"Yes. He said he wants to do something"
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"to show you how much you mean to him."
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"I-I can't believe it. I..."
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"I don't know what to say."
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"Well, we're really happy for you,"
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"and we know how much he cares..."
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"I do know what to say! Let's get me waxed!"
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"Why isn't it ever Angie Dickinson's bedroom?"
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"You're back."
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"It-it doesn't seem like it's up to me."
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"I suppose you're here because..."
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"I've decided to be physical with my girlfriend,"
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"and I've never done that before."
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"E-Excuse me for a moment."
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"Well, it was worth a shot."
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"So, can you help me?"
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"Uh, all right. Um..."
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"once-once the man gets"
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"the-the woman out of her... out of her bloomers..."
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"Oh, no. Not that."
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"I-I understand the mechanics."
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"Oh, good, good. 'Cause, uh,"
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"I have no idea what kids these days are..."
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"calling their-their parts."
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"I think they say “junk.”"
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"What is happening to this world?"
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"What-what do you actually need to know?"
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"This is an important night for us,"
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"and I'm worried I might be overwhelmed"
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"and ruin everything."
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"Sheldon, if-if you're with the right person,"
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"it-it'll be okay."
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"Thank you, Arthur."
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"You are the wisest of the wise."
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"Well, that's-that's very nice of you to say,"
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"but I think I'm just an expression of..."
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