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Clips from Archer - The Holdout (S06E06)

"Ow. Khao lard gaeng."
Archer
"Sawat Dee?"
Archer
"Well, since I can only assume"
Archer
"this is one of your idiot voicemails, I--"
Archer
"Mother?!"
Archer
"Well, I'm not falling for it again."
Archer
"Oh, for-- mother, it's me, Sterling."
Archer
"Then, what is the square root of nine?"
Archer
"Uh..."
Archer
"negative nine?"
Archer
"Sterling?"
Archer
"Ha! Elaborate-- God damn it!"
Archer
"I'm kidding, it's three, and also me. Ass."
Archer
"Now, how'd the hell you find me?"
Archer
"I didn't, the CIA did."
Archer
"Oh, and how are your new overlords?"
Archer
"Oh for the-- they're not--"
Archer
"look, think of it as more of a merger."
Archer
"Ha!"
Archer
"Organizations change. They evolve. They grow."
Archer
"Unlike some people I know."
Archer
"Hey, you know what?"
Archer
"To wit, once again you're off"
Archer
"on one of your usual self-pitying benders."
Archer
"It's not a usual one, mother."
Archer
"In case you forget, I was forced into"
Archer
"becoming a parent against my will."
Archer
"Join the club."
Archer
"But for God's sake, six weeks is long enough."
Archer
"Really? It's been six weeks?"
Archer
"Yes, so sober up and get a bunch of penicillin shots, because--"
Archer
"Is that him? Is that Lana?"
Archer
"Let me talk to him. Let me talk to her."
Archer
"So, why'd you run away when you were so excited"
Archer
"about being a father when A.J. was born?"
Archer
"Did reality set it?"
Archer
"Because the next time you use"
Archer
"somebody's sperm to impregnate yourself,"
Archer
"then maybe that decision"
Archer
"should include that other somebody."
Archer
"Who? That other somebody who runs away"
Archer
"at the thought of responsibility"
Archer
"and as we speak is up to his eyeballs"
Archer
"in cobra whisky and ladyboy hookers?"
Archer
"Oh, that is--"
Archer
"you don't know me."
Archer
"Ha!"
Archer
"I believe there was some mention"
Archer
"of the Central Intelligence Agency?"
Archer
"They've given us our first freelance mission,"
Archer
"and if you screw it up,"
Archer
"there won't be a second one, so listen up."
Archer
"I'm listening."
Archer
"Two days ago, an American spy plane"
Archer
"went down in the jungles of Borneo"
Archer
"about 500 miles from you."
Archer
"The pilot ejected, but without the onboard computer."
Archer
"You're to secure it, then destroy the aircraft."
Archer
"You should be receiving a mission dossier..."
Archer
"well, now."
Archer
"Wow. Read it on the way to the airport, and hurry."
Archer
"All the equipment you'll need"
Archer
"is on an air America cargo plane"
Archer
"that is waiting for you as we speak."
Archer
"Uh, mother, it sounded like you said, "cargo plane,""
Archer
"when obviously you meant,"
Archer
""first class luxury commercial airliner.""
Archer
"Sterling, a commercial airline"
Archer
"won't let you parachute into the jungle"
Archer
"in the middle of a communist insurgency-- A what?"
Archer
"...at night. Now, don't screw this up!"
Archer
""Screw it up.""
Archer
"Yeah, like she's one to talk."
Archer
"Look how I turned out."
Archer
"Hey, freaky bigtime!"
Archer
"You owe us a hundred thousand bhat!"
Archer
"Oh, right, yeah, no problem."
Archer
"Oh, and I've got an extra twenty thousand"
Archer
"if you're genetic females."
Archer
"Super."
Archer
"God, okay, final offer, ten thousand baht,"
Archer
"some of which has blood on it."
Archer
"For the millionth and last time,"
Archer
"we do not have mini-bottles!"
Archer
"Well, then this isn't a real airline."
Archer
"No, it's not. It's a CIA front!"
Archer
"Still, though."
Archer
"Why don't you go read the damn dossier?"
Archer
"Read about the communist insurgency."
Archer
"I don't do dossiers."
Archer
"Besides, I'm not a CIA schoolgirl."
Archer
"This is a cakewalk for a real spy."
Archer
"I punch the coordinates in the GPS,"
Archer
"get the computer, blow up the plane with C-4,"
Archer
"and, uh..."
Archer
"So then do you guys pick me up, or...?"
Archer
"Read the dossier."
Archer
"No."
Archer
"Suit yourself."
Archer
"Go, go, go, go, go!"
Archer
"Wha--"
Archer
"Assho--"
Archer
"Woohoo!"
Archer
"Halo!"
Archer
"But mini-bottles?"
Archer
"That's not a bad--"
Archer
"I'm sorry, Hank."
Archer
"I forget you were working the program."
Archer
"Inappropes."
Archer
"Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my God!"
Archer
"Are you guys so frickin' excited?"
Archer
"I would be, if you quit jumping around."
Archer
"Seriously, honey, come on. Baby on board."
Archer
"And if you two dopes didn't screw up"
Archer
"this $10 million renovation--"
Archer
"Which, again, curious as to why"
Archer
"you put Pam and Cheryl in charge."
Archer
"Because I had a very specific vision,"
Archer
"and it wasn't "Japanese whorehouse.""
Archer
"Well, Ms. Archer, I think you'll find"
Archer
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