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Clips from MacGruber - Through the Looking Glass (S01E01)

"that you put yourself in harm's way,"
MacGruber
"risked your own life to save Victoria's."
MacGruber
"Is that accurate?"
MacGruber
"- Yes."
MacGruber
"- Mac, as a career military man,"
MacGruber
"I'm forced to look at your actions"
MacGruber
"as complete and utter insubordination."
MacGruber
"An offense which requires your immediate court-martial."
MacGruber
"But as a husband..."
MacGruber
"[solemn music]"
MacGruber
"I thank you from the bottom of my heart."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[handcuffs jingling]"
MacGruber
"Let's just call it even."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Sir, I'm so sorry."
MacGruber
"I'd never forgive myself if I didn't ask, though."
MacGruber
"Is there any way I can be of service?"
MacGruber
"- MacGruber-- - Look, I know I've been"
MacGruber
"a bit of a loose cannon."
MacGruber
"But what if I was a tight cannon?"
MacGruber
"Operating under your command"
MacGruber
"in whatever capacity you see fit."
MacGruber
"Hell, I'd take you to the fucking prom"
MacGruber
"if it helped bring down Queeth."
MacGruber
"- I'm sorry, Mac."
MacGruber
"- Fuck!"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"You have any idea what it's like"
MacGruber
"to see your mother's brains splatter"
MacGruber
"all over your face and cake?"
MacGruber
"Or what it's like to come back from deployment"
MacGruber
"to find your dad giving hand jobs to crack dealers"
MacGruber
"for his next crack rock?"
MacGruber
"Queeth fucking broke us!"
MacGruber
"[sobbing] He broke us."
MacGruber
"Please!"
MacGruber
"I'm begging you!"
MacGruber
"I am fucking begging you."
MacGruber
"Please."
MacGruber
"[sobbing]"
MacGruber
"[screams]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"I'll jack you off."
MacGruber
"Just right here."
MacGruber
"You can come on my face."
MacGruber
"All right? Is that what you want?"
MacGruber
"Then I want it too."
MacGruber
"All right, come on, please."
MacGruber
"[spits] Come on, please."
MacGruber
"Come on me."
MacGruber
"Come on my face."
MacGruber
"Come on my face."
MacGruber
"- Hi, General! - Hey, yeah! Hey, Jerry."
MacGruber
"- Why won't you just come on me?"
MacGruber
"- Good to see you. Good night."
MacGruber
"- [sobbing]"
MacGruber
"I'm begging you!"
MacGruber
"- Get up, Mac."
MacGruber
"[ominous music]"
MacGruber
"You didn't get those from me."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Queeth's location?"
MacGruber
"- It's a dead zone, and yet,"
MacGruber
"there's a persistent heat signature that suggests"
MacGruber
"the presence of anywhere from 50 to 100 hostiles."
MacGruber
"Tomorrow, we've scheduled a drone strike at 2100 hours."
MacGruber
"That's 9:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m., yep!"
MacGruber
"Yes, yes. 9:00 p.m."
MacGruber
"Prime time. - Sure, whatever."
MacGruber
"Listen, Mac, if you get yourself in there,"
MacGruber
"Queeth's almost as good as yours."
MacGruber
"But that strike is gonna happen no matter what."
MacGruber
"We are not going to risk Queeth escaping a second time."
MacGruber
"You hear me?"
MacGruber
"- I don't know what to say, General."
MacGruber
"But if I did..."
MacGruber
"probably sound a lot like thank you."
MacGruber
"- After everything that you've done for our country,"
MacGruber
"the least we can do is offer you a chance"
MacGruber
"to get some closure."
MacGruber
"- I won't let you down."
MacGruber
"[dramatic music]"
MacGruber
"[safe beeping]"
MacGruber
"[assorted guns cocking]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[gun clatters to ground]"
MacGruber
"[grunts]"
MacGruber
"[foreboding musical sting]"
MacGruber
"- [snoring]"
MacGruber
"- [sighs]"
MacGruber
"[sighs]"
MacGruber
"[gasps]"
MacGruber
"- Hello, Vicki."
MacGruber
"- MacGruber, you shouldn't be-- - Vicki, wait."
MacGruber
"There are a few things I need to get off my chest,"
MacGruber
"and I don't have much time."
MacGruber
"- I'm listening."
MacGruber
"- I need you to know..."
MacGruber
"that I'm sorry."
MacGruber
"I mean, the only reason"
MacGruber
"that I lied about you in court"
MacGruber
"was 'cause I wanted you there in prison with me."
MacGruber
"Because I didn't know how to live without you."
MacGruber
"- [sighs]"
MacGruber
"- There are so many things I wish I could change"
MacGruber
"about the past, but I can't."
MacGruber
"You're not my property."
MacGruber
"Not anymore."
MacGruber
"- Thank you for saying that."
MacGruber
"- We had an electric love."
MacGruber
"But that was years ago."
MacGruber
"And I'm so happy that you've moved on"
MacGruber
"and found new love with Barrett."
MacGruber
"- I have moved on."
MacGruber
"And I'm happy that you've realized that."
MacGruber
"- I do. - I mean, it's not like"
MacGruber
"I think about you every night and pine for your touch."
MacGruber
"- No."
MacGruber
"- Staring into my husband's eyes"
MacGruber
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