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Clips from Cheers - Whodunit? (S03E03)

YES, SAM. EITHER THAT,

"YES, SAM. EITHER THAT,"

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OR HE HAD FINISH HIS PAPER ROUTE ON MARS.

"OR HE HAD FINISH HIS PAPER ROUTE ON MARS."

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[DIANE LAUGHS]

"[DIANE LAUGHS]"

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I'M SORRY, SAM, THAT YOU HAD TO FEEL THE STING OF MY WIT,

"I'M SORRY, SAM, THAT YOU HAD TO FEEL THE STING OF MY WIT,"

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BUT IT'S A LUDICROUS QUESTION.

"BUT IT'S A LUDICROUS QUESTION."

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NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

"NOW, WAIT A MINUTE."

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THERE ARE TWO MYSTERIES GOING ON HERE.

"THERE ARE TWO MYSTERIES GOING ON HERE."

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FIRST, CARLA'S BEEN SEEING THIS OBVIOUSLY VERY CLASSY GUY,

"FIRST, CARLA'S BEEN SEEING THIS OBVIOUSLY VERY CLASSY GUY,"

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AND SECOND, YOUR PAL HAS BEEN AVOIDING THE TWO OF YOU LIKE THE PLAGUE.

"AND SECOND, YOUR PAL HAS BEEN AVOIDING THE TWO OF YOU LIKE THE PLAGUE."

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OF COURSE, THAT'S THE LESSER OF THE TWO MYSTERIES.

"OF COURSE, THAT'S THE LESSER OF THE TWO MYSTERIES."

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SAM, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST DISTINGUISHED

"SAM, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST DISTINGUISHED"

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AND ACCOMPLISHED MEN OF LETTERS I KNOW

"AND ACCOMPLISHED MEN OF LETTERS I KNOW"

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DATING A COMMON BARMAID.

"DATING A COMMON BARMAID."

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YOU'RE DATING A BARMAID.

"YOU'RE DATING A BARMAID."

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SHE WASN'T A BARMAID WHEN I MET HER.

"SHE WASN'T A BARMAID WHEN I MET HER."

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OH, THAT'S RIGHT. SHE WAS A LUNATIC.

"OH, THAT'S RIGHT. SHE WAS A LUNATIC."

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IT'S TRUE, COACH.

"IT'S TRUE, COACH."

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MANY SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THAT THE LITTLE FINGER--

"MANY SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THAT THE LITTLE FINGER--"

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THAT'S THE PINKY, IN THE LEGERDEMAIN--

"THAT'S THE PINKY, IN THE LEGERDEMAIN--"

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WILL ONE DAY, LIKE THE TAIL, DISAPPEAR

"WILL ONE DAY, LIKE THE TAIL, DISAPPEAR"

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BECAUSE IT SERVES NO USEFUL PURPOSE.

"BECAUSE IT SERVES NO USEFUL PURPOSE."

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WELL, PEOPLE COULDN'T GO SWIMMING

"WELL, PEOPLE COULDN'T GO SWIMMING"

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WITHOUT THEIR LITTLE FINGER.

"WITHOUT THEIR LITTLE FINGER."

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WHY DO YOU NEED A LITTLE FINGER TO SWIM, COACH?

"WHY DO YOU NEED A LITTLE FINGER TO SWIM, COACH?"

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YOU COME OUT OF THE WATER,

"YOU COME OUT OF THE WATER,"

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YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS."

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I STAND CORRECTED.

"I STAND CORRECTED."

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SAM, MAY I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?

"SAM, MAY I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?"

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OK, OK. A CUTE LUNATIC, ALL RIGHT?

"OK, OK. A CUTE LUNATIC, ALL RIGHT?"

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FRASIER IS IN A VERY FRAGILE STATE OF MIND.

"FRASIER IS IN A VERY FRAGILE STATE OF MIND."

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YOUR ASININE THEORIES,

"YOUR ASININE THEORIES,"

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WHILE SUITABLE FODDER FOR INANE BAR CONVERSATION,

"WHILE SUITABLE FODDER FOR INANE BAR CONVERSATION,"

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DO NOTHING TO EASE HIS FIT OF PIQUE.

"DO NOTHING TO EASE HIS FIT OF PIQUE."

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WAIT A MINUTE, HERE. THE ONE WORD I UNDERSTOOD IN THAT,

"WAIT A MINUTE, HERE. THE ONE WORD I UNDERSTOOD IN THAT,"

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I DON'T EXACTLY CARE FOR.

"I DON'T EXACTLY CARE FOR."

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MY THEORY IS NOT ASININE.

"MY THEORY IS NOT ASININE."

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YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A LOT WORSE.

"YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A LOT WORSE."

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THINK OF THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER.

"THINK OF THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER."

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BENNETT LUDLOW AND CARLA?

"BENNETT LUDLOW AND CARLA?"

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IT'S HAREBRAINED!

"IT'S HAREBRAINED!"

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JUST IMAGINE IT.

"JUST IMAGINE IT."

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WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO IMAGINE IT.

"WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO IMAGINE IT."

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THERE IT IS NOW. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN--

"THERE IT IS NOW. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN--"

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AAH!

"AAH!"

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NO, I GUESS I HAVEN'T.

"NO, I GUESS I HAVEN'T."

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DIANE, WHAT'S--

"DIANE, WHAT'S--"

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AAH!

"AAH!"

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YOU KNOW, BENNY HERE MAY LOOK LIKE A STIFF,

"YOU KNOW, BENNY HERE MAY LOOK LIKE A STIFF,"

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BUT HE'S REALLY OUT FOR A GOOD TIME.

"BUT HE'S REALLY OUT FOR A GOOD TIME."

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I WAS DRAWN TO CARLA RIGHT FROM THE START.

"I WAS DRAWN TO CARLA RIGHT FROM THE START."

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THERE'S SOMETHING SO SENSUAL, SOMETHING SO EARTHY ABOUT HER.

"THERE'S SOMETHING SO SENSUAL, SOMETHING SO EARTHY ABOUT HER."

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BY THE WAY, DIDN'T ANY OF YOU SUSPECT ANYTHING?

"BY THE WAY, DIDN'T ANY OF YOU SUSPECT ANYTHING?"

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NO, NO. I THINK YOU WOULD'VE HAD TO BE A REAL BRAIN

"NO, NO. I THINK YOU WOULD'VE HAD TO BE A REAL BRAIN"

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TO FIGURE THIS ONE OUT, DON'T YOU THINK, FRASIER?

"TO FIGURE THIS ONE OUT, DON'T YOU THINK, FRASIER?"

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HOW COME YOU KEPT THIS RELATIONSHIP SUCH A SECRET?

"HOW COME YOU KEPT THIS RELATIONSHIP SUCH A SECRET?"

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THAT'S THE WAY ME AND BIG BEN WANTED IT.

"THAT'S THE WAY ME AND BIG BEN WANTED IT."

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OUR BACKGROUNDS ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT,

"OUR BACKGROUNDS ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT,"

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WHICH IS A SLIGHT PROBLEM.

"WHICH IS A SLIGHT PROBLEM."

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WORD STARTS GETTING AROUND YOU'RE SEEING A GUY

"WORD STARTS GETTING AROUND YOU'RE SEEING A GUY"

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WHO TUCKS HIS T-SHIRT IN HIS UNDERSHORTS,

"WHO TUCKS HIS T-SHIRT IN HIS UNDERSHORTS,"

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AND YOUR REPUTATION IS SHOT TO HELL.

"AND YOUR REPUTATION IS SHOT TO HELL."

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AND I HAD SIMILAR REASONS TO BE DISCREET.

"AND I HAD SIMILAR REASONS TO BE DISCREET."

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YEAH. WELL, CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG NOW.

"YEAH. WELL, CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG NOW."

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WELL, EXCUSE ME, BENNY.

"WELL, EXCUSE ME, BENNY."

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I HAVE TO GO SEE MY CUSTOMERS.

"I HAVE TO GO SEE MY CUSTOMERS."

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I THINK THIS OCCASION CALLS FOR SOMEBODY

"I THINK THIS OCCASION CALLS FOR SOMEBODY"

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TO BUY THE HOUSE A ROUND OF DRINKS!

"TO BUY THE HOUSE A ROUND OF DRINKS!"

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WELL, I'LL DO THAT!

"WELL, I'LL DO THAT!"

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YOU BEAT ME TO IT. I GOT THE NEXT ONE.

"YOU BEAT ME TO IT. I GOT THE NEXT ONE."

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DIANE...

"DIANE..."

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EXCUSE US.

"EXCUSE US."

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NOW THAT I'M GOING TO BE RUNNING IN EGGHEAD CIRCLES,

"NOW THAT I'M GOING TO BE RUNNING IN EGGHEAD CIRCLES,"

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LOOKS LIKE YOU AND I ARE GOING TO BE BUMPING INTO EACH OTHER AT PARTIES,

"LOOKS LIKE YOU AND I ARE GOING TO BE BUMPING INTO EACH OTHER AT PARTIES,"

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YOU WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND ME WITH MY BOYFRIEND--

"YOU WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND ME WITH MY BOYFRIEND--"

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HIS HERO.

"HIS HERO."

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OK. I THINK I'VE COME TO TERMS WITH THIS.

"OK. I THINK I'VE COME TO TERMS WITH THIS."

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DR. LUDLOW, YOU CAME HERE MORE OR LESS ON VACATION.

"DR. LUDLOW, YOU CAME HERE MORE OR LESS ON VACATION."

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YOU'VE HAD YOUR WALK ON THE WILD SIDE.

"YOU'VE HAD YOUR WALK ON THE WILD SIDE."

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NOW YOU CAN RETURN TO YOUR PROPER SPHERE,

"NOW YOU CAN RETURN TO YOUR PROPER SPHERE,"

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REFRESHED AND A BETTER MAN FOR IT.

"REFRESHED AND A BETTER MAN FOR IT."

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FRANKLY, FRASIER, IT'S A BIT MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.

"FRANKLY, FRASIER, IT'S A BIT MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT."

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I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHORT TRIP OUT OF TOWN,

"I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHORT TRIP OUT OF TOWN,"

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AND WHEN I COME BACK,

"AND WHEN I COME BACK,"

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I THINK I'M GOING TO ASK MS. TORTELLI TO MARRY ME.

"I THINK I'M GOING TO ASK MS. TORTELLI TO MARRY ME."

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HOW WONDERFUL.

"HOW WONDERFUL."

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DAMN IT, SAM. WHERE IS SHE?

"DAMN IT, SAM. WHERE IS SHE?"

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DR. LUDLOW, I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S ALMOST NEVER LATE.

"DR. LUDLOW, I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S ALMOST NEVER LATE."

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COACH, DID CARLA CALL?

"COACH, DID CARLA CALL?"

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YEAH, SHE DID.

"YEAH, SHE DID."

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WHAT DID SHE SAY?

"WHAT DID SHE SAY?"

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NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

"NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS."

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HOW'S YOUR KNUCKLE BALL?

"HOW'S YOUR KNUCKLE BALL?"

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COME ON, COACH. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN.

"COME ON, COACH. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN."

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GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?

"GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?"

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DR. LUDLOW.

"DR. LUDLOW."

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WE'RE ALL SO HAPPY THAT CARLA'S GETTING

"WE'RE ALL SO HAPPY THAT CARLA'S GETTING"

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THE FIRST BREAK OF HER LIFE.

"THE FIRST BREAK OF HER LIFE."

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HEAR, HEAR.

"HEAR, HEAR."

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THANK YOU.

"THANK YOU."

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ALL THIS TALK ABOUT ROMANCE

"ALL THIS TALK ABOUT ROMANCE"

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GIVES ME A WARM SPOT RIGHT HERE,

"GIVES ME A WARM SPOT RIGHT HERE,"

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OR WAS IT THAT MEAL I HAD AT THE HUNGRY HEIFER?

"OR WAS IT THAT MEAL I HAD AT THE HUNGRY HEIFER?"

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YES, YES, YES. I WENT BACK

"YES, YES, YES. I WENT BACK"

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FOR THEIR SPECIAL CHICKEN DINNER.

"FOR THEIR SPECIAL CHICKEN DINNER."

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WHAT WAS IT?

"WHAT WAS IT?"

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BOWL OF PELLETS AND A HANDFUL OF GRAIN.

"BOWL OF PELLETS AND A HANDFUL OF GRAIN."

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WELL, HERE SHE IS!

"WELL, HERE SHE IS!"

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WHAT'S GOING ON?

"WHAT'S GOING ON?"

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DR. LUDLOW HAS SOMETHING HE WANTS

"DR. LUDLOW HAS SOMETHING HE WANTS"

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TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT, CARLA.

"TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT, CARLA."

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OF COURSE, I HAD NOT EXPECTED THIS

"OF COURSE, I HAD NOT EXPECTED THIS"

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TO BE A SPECTATOR SPORT.

"TO BE A SPECTATOR SPORT."

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PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO STEP OVER HERE.

"PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO STEP OVER HERE."

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BENNY, IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?

"BENNY, IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?"

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YES, CARLA.

"YES, CARLA."

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I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME.

"I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME."

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WOW, WHAT A DAY.

"WOW, WHAT A DAY."

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WELL, WILL YOU?

"WELL, WILL YOU?"

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I GUESS I'D BE CRAZY TO SAY NO.

"I GUESS I'D BE CRAZY TO SAY NO."

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CHAMPAGNE, PLEASE, FOR EVERYBODY.

"CHAMPAGNE, PLEASE, FOR EVERYBODY."

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